I would expose him and confront him, but I would do this in a more strategic way. And I would not threaten, that does not work. Threatening is tantamount to givng your game plan to the enemy. If just helps him go further underground while keeping you in control.

Is the OM married? Have you seen his facebook page?

Also, did you save those emails in a very safe place that your wife can't find?

Who is your wife out with tonight?

Can you guess her password? If you can, you could get eblaster for blackberry's on it. That has a built in GPS.

FB/LinkedIn are probably good places to let the world and co-workers know what he did (and that he can't get wood!).

BUT, having read Dr. Harley's principles, how is any of this going to fill my wife's "Love Tank"? It all seems vengeful and kind of hateful. How will embarrassing her publicly help get her back? This place is SOOOO small, that if I ruin her reputation -- she will have to leave the island; won't be able to get work. She'll move back home and sue for custody of our son, so I'll have to leave here, too, to continue to be near him. (I've looked into things, the courts don't view infidelity as a reason to not favour the mother in our home country.)

I guess you didn't read his #1 suggestion for saving a marriage after an affair, huh? Exposure

First off, you don't have the power to ruin her reputation. If her reputation is ruined it will be because of her own behavior. And I am not clear why you would allow your wife to take your child? I would not let her take the child without a court order.

Update: My wife was out last night with girlfriends. She was supposed to be picking up a friend to go retrieve a vehicle that was left at another's house on NYE. On the way back to the house, they were going to pick up a pizza. Turns out, instead, they went to a bar. I got a call (because she's agreed to 'check in' and be transparent) but it incensed me that she was at a bar with her party girl friend, where the opportunity to meet yet another guy is high. Anyway, I suppose it was a quiet night at the bar, because she went back to her girlfriend's house (where I called her -- she was incensed and embarrassed at my checking up on her in front of her friends). But she was home by 11:30 pm.

When she got home she was angry... angry, that I was checking on her whereabouts. I conveyed what you all had said to me... that I had been a doormat, allowing her to lead a single life, enabling her to make inappropriate choices. I told her no more.

She said, too bad, she's going out again soon, and I can't stop her... mostly because she can't stand me or to be in the same house with me. I told her I would not allow her to be out and about seeking a replacement for me. She said, "I'm not looking to replace you, I'm looking for a new life!!!" Then she screamed at the top of her lungs out of frustration. Said she was having an anxiety attack/on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I said, "... consequences of your choices, honey..."

I told her she could have her new life... but it would be overseas, without her son (as I have the power to have her deported). As of this morning, she was saying there is nothing to reconcile. She will find a way to take our son. She expressed her absolute hatred toward me.

Today, I will reach out to some of her friends via facebook to let them know WHY she needs to check in with me. It will embarrass my wife (and them) I am sure. On Wed., I have an unrelated meeting with my wife's co-worker (the one she lusts after), and will tell him to back off; that she's already flirting/cheating with everyone else anyway and to not be flattered... and that pretty soon she may be gone (deported).

Reaching out online to friends/contacts of the guy she actually fooled around with is harder -- he's older and doesn't have much of a presence online. But I will go to his work and (loudly confront him (and make it known he couldn't get it up to complete the task)).

Sound like a plan?

Do not contact her friends via Facebook to tell them your side of the story. Don't go to his work either. You will look crazy. Instead find out who his boss is and let his boss know he is sleeping with your wife.

Are you US government? If yes, then let his employer know ASAP. There are strict rules in place for this kind of stuff because of sexual harassment lawsuits.

Full blown exposure of her adulterous affair is what you are aiming for. Stop trying to bully a low-life. Low-lifes don't care if you bully them. They are so selfish they will do what they want and it will be at the expense of others.

I am worried she may file false domestic violence charges against you. I would get a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) TODAY and carry it on you at all times.

Wayward wives stoop to this level, so be prepared for the worse.

You are ruining her life, and her immaturity at the moment is that of a wild teenager.

Protect yourself today!

Roughseas, that is not what we meant by exposure. Exposure means exposing strategically to people who have an influence over your wife, for example, her boss, human resources director, parents and close family and friends. I would send an EMAIL to her workplace and call her parents and close friends. Ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair and stop acting like a single person.

I think its good you confronted your wife about her running around like a single woman, but I would continue to do it without fighting. You don't want to come across like a bully but you want to make sure she understands the marriage can't survive with her running around like a single woman.

Does the OM have a facebook page? Where does he live? Does he have a wife? Can you call his house to see if a wife answers?

She could try the domestic battery complaint. You have to carry a VAR with you. Use it when you talk to her. All she has to do is put in a police complaint and you are out of your house. EXPOSE! But not to potential OMs. Family and friends. Let her get deported.

p.s. If I were you, I would hire a PI for a couple of days if you can. I think there is much more to this than you know.

And I would explain to her that you have a right to know her whereabouts at all times because you are her husband. She does not have the right to privacy to sneak around behind your back. Everything she does affects you as her husband so you have a right to know everything she does. Everything.

Unfortunately this fib is told almost as the check is in the mail. Time to schedule a poly.

Protect yourself and your child!

If I were you, I'd consider getting her deported. Speak to a lawyer and see what you can do to keep the kid with you.

Close joint accounts. Secure your own money. Secure the child's passport. Secure WW's passport so she can't flee with your kid.

Call her parents and tell them what she's been up to.

Meeting with lawyer tomorrow re: options and possible deportation.
Joint CC acct. will be closed tomorrow.
Good point about the passport... have done now.
Will be contacting her sister to let her know what's up.
Unsure about her employer... SHE WORKS AT A LAW FIRM... don't want to give them any ammunition to help her/sponsor her residency.

Sorry about what you are going through. One bit of advice for you is to go and get a Voice Activated Recorder(VAR).

You are a male and they come in very handy for false accusations which come out of the woodwork in these situations. I bought one for my brother and gave it to him and it saved him.

2 days after I got it he came home to the police waiting for him. He was being accused of molesting his daughter. The cops and social worker were very shocked at how he was not afraid of them. He told them what was going on and he said he had proof with the VAR that what she was saying did not happen.

Again protect yourself. Women fight nasty and will do anything even send you to prison if they can. Watch yourself this is no longer the woman you married.