Not sure what I have to say, but just felt like saying something. Wouldn't it be nice if we all could just say screw it all and run away from trying anymore. If it weren't for cheating wifes, kids, jobs, and everything else, life might be more fun. Maybe that's what affairs are all about. Oh well, back to life and hope everyone is having a happy halloween. <P>One day at a time (maybe tommorrow will get better).

As a good friend of mine once told me "The only truly happy people in this world are wealthy, single, sterile orphans." LOL Heyyy,,think about it,,,,makes sense to me!

Hi TimJ,<P>Wow that's my first name, no not TimJ, just Tim. Anyway had to stop by for a reply. Sounds to me like you're as irritated as the rest of us. You hide it as well as I do.<P>Ya know it would be so much easier for all of us to find someone brand spanking new and start over with our lives. There would be no bad feelings, no resentment, no bitterness, no trust issues.<P>I believe that if you don't have to work for something it's not worth it. Getting things handed to you on a silver platter may sound enticing but you don't appreciate it nearly as much as you would if it involved some effort. I think this carries over to our marriages. I believe that Val [or our other S] might be worth the trouble and problems that we currently face. It's either that or I'm severely wacked.<P>Waiting to see if I can get the damned waffle out of the iron sometime soon. I used to like waffles, not anymore.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Nerly,<P>I think your on to something. I've often wondered what the it would be like to be a unique (spelling?). At least I could sing soprano.<P>Medic,<P>"Ya know it would be so much easier for all of us to find someone brand spanking new and start over with our lives. There would be no bad feelings, no resentment, no bitterness, no trust issues." You must be talking to my wife, as that's what she keeps telling me. Oh well, one of these days I will likely get fed up with trying myself and give it a try.<P>Thanks for the feed back.<P>

TimJ and Medic,<P>I don't know if I agree that it would be easier to start over instead of trying to save our marriages.<P>I think the betrayers think so, becuase they have already found someone they like/love and that if that relationship is going well, they naturally want to move that way to get over the pain in the marriage.<P>Well, I was a betrayer once, and I can tell you, it might have been easier on the outset, but who knows later on?? Maybe things won't work out with the OP like you thought they might, once the newness of the relationship wears off. By keeping the triangle going (betrayer, betrayed and OP) the illicit relationship never gets to fully develop, so the betrayer and lover don't REALLY know for certain that things will work out they way they are anticipating.<P>For me, I think staying in my marriage is better. I already know my H's good and bad sides. I know that we are compatible in many, many ways: as companions, lovers and with money. We share many hobbies and interests. I accept his less than appealing characteristics and glory in his unique wonderfulness. I really love my H.<P>Right now, however, I HATE what he is doing. But, all I can say is this for me:<P>I want more than anything in the world for my H and I to get back together and him to redeicate himself to me and us. Yet, I also know that this is his decision, and his alone. But, my preference is to stay with him and not look for another. To me that would be harder - first to find, then to like/love and then to discover whether or not you have enough in common to make a go of it after the first sparks start to fade. There are no guarantees either way!<P>Better the "devil" you know than the one you don't!<P>Roll Me Away <BR>

Roll Me,<P>I know what you are saying is true, but sometimes it's tough to keep it up when it seem's like I'm the only one that wants the marriage back again. <BR> <BR>Thanks for the encouragement and good luck to you.

RMA,<P>I was the betrayer in my first marriage. The affair lasted a whole nine months before I came back to reality. That was 12 years ago. I have a very good relationship with my first XW. We have two kids together, guess that helps. We help each other out as often as we can. She does things for me, I do things for her. Maybe I should remarry her. Sometimes we choose the path of least resistance.<P>Anyway, It seems to me that there is a very long time line to "fix" our marriages and there is no way to make sure that it will work out. I believe that Val has depleted all of her account in my love bank.<P>Sorry TimJ to hone in on your thread.<P>Still wishing us all the Best<P>Medic<P>