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Joined: Jul 2007
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Can someone please help me with some questions? I have been dating my cousin for about two months now, I am 38 and she is 30. She has two boys, one is 13 the other is 8. We are both divorced. We talk about future poosible marraige.
Should we give any explanation to our family about our current relationship? And should we explain to the boys about our relationship?
Thank you.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Are you first cousins? If so, you'll probably catch lot of heat. But, you'll have to deal with this whenever your family finds out.
I think when you tell the kids is very personal. I waited 4 months before telling my kids I was dating. You don't have to worry about the introductions, but you will get questions because in most western cultures, dating your first cousin is taboo. Even if you are second or third cousins, you may run into questions unless you are in one of those big families who do marry cousins. (And, this is not some redneck joke. Marrying cousins is quite popular amongst the old-money families.)
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Yes, we are first cousins. We are begining to get strange behavior from our family. Like over the shoulder looks. I will wait a couple of more months. Our decision on dating each other is based on the Bible's point of view. The relationships that God forbade in the Old Testament Law are listed in Leviticus chapter 18, verses 6-18. Marriage between cousins is nowhere forbidden in the Bible. The decision to date each other was also made by the information found in the following link: http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religionI will wait and give it time and see how the family responds. Thank you Greengables! Any more comments, suggestions, or questions please let me know.
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Joined: Jun 2002
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I think you definitely need to explain your position. First of all, first cousin marriage may well be illegal in your state. Have you checked into that?
Not only is this a legal and social taboo, it can often be a genetic taboo also. If you plan to have children you may want to consult someone who specializes in genetics.
Inbreeding among close relatives can lead to genetic abnormalities in the offspring.
I'm not sure exactly how far down the family lineage you need to travel before it is considered a mute point. I'm thinking second or third cousin.
ba109
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Well, since you are first cousins, and the family is giving you piercing looks, I think you'd better tell those closest to you. There will be a hullabulu. I know I'd kick up a fuss if you were my brother, but it's got to be faced and the sooner the better if you two are serious. Since you've know each other all your lives, and you're too old to be playing kissing cousins, I figure you must be serious. I'd also loop in my pastor.
FWIW, I think you should consider the context of Leviticus. The times were different back then. Lots less people for one thing. If you two can have children, you really should talk to a genetic counselor as BA109 suggested. There's a chance the child would be fine, but her child would have major problems. It's very complicated.
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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I use to think it was a taboo. We both saw it that way. We started to accompany one another when we would go out somewhere-without any interest. We then began falling in love, you know, many love units! Then after reading about Biblical Cousin Marriages( http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=religion ) We now think differently. In reference to children, she can no longer have any. Just found out: The law states it is illegal, but the court has some exceptions. I do not know what the exceptions are. I will get in contact with my lawyer on this matter. We will be considering about talking to our closest family members.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Connan, since you didn't state up front that you have been here before, I'm assuming you haven't. Please read all main the main site if you haven't already.
Love may unite, but experience teachs that it's not enough. Your relationship will have a lot of extra pressure on it, I imagine the same will be a lot like what interracial couples routinely faced 30 years ago. Going in with a good plan to deal with stress may help reduce it.
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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I have been visiting Marriage Builders for about 3 years now and I have read the book His Needs, Her Needs.
I feel the relationship with my cousin is on a good start and we will be applying some of the basic needs into our relationship. The other needs will come into play with marriage, we do not want to rush things. We are having a wonderful time dating.
About talking to my pastor, well, this is a tough one. I don't think he will agree. One friend of mind said, ""Connan" it does not matter what the church thinks, it's what God thinks." I understand, this may affect the congregation. The pastor may ask us to leave the congregation. I will wait and pray for guidance from the Lord. I will ask you all to pray for us for guidance. We will try to be mentally prepared for the pressure- like you said.
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I would only be looking at the legal hurdles, in your place. I wish you luck. I don't see anything wrong from your post.
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I had a very interesting weekend! There was a hullabulu!
My uncle-her father, was very angry and asked if we liked each other!! We only listened to all he had to say. He did not like it. Eventually, he called all his brothers-including my father-he's angry, and his sisters. I talked about the issue to my mother and two of my aunts. They seemed to accept the relationship and acknowledged that it was my decision.
Now I will wait for my aunts to talk about it with the others and wait.
My lawyer will be calling me this week. He said the law does permit first cousin marriages but only under some conditions.
Thank you all for the feedback, comments and the recommendations. God bless.
I will post my conclusion soon.
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Conclusion: Yesterday we recieved a letter from the Superior Judge who authoried our petition to marry, understanding we are first cousins. After 4 years of dating, my fiance and I will get married this December. All family member have been invited to the wedding and they have accepted the invitation. With the help of God we move forward. Thank you all for the support and God bless!
Last edited by Connan; 06/14/11 07:56 AM.
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Best of luck with the coming nuptials.
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Thank you! Got married on Christmas Eve. She just got her copy of His Needs, Her Needs.
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Thank you! Got married on Christmas Eve. She just got her copy of His Needs, Her Needs. 
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Many happy returns, Connan!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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