I'm cutently in the Army and just returned from my 3rd deployment. During this past deployment I did something very unforgiving and had an affair. My wife is aware of the whole thing and knows almost every detail. I'm not here to justify or try to explain my actions because the truth is there is none. I regret all the pain I put my wife through and seeing her when I got home has made me notice even more just how stupid I was to throw it all away over something I thought I wanted. I've never been more wrong in my life. She wants a divorce and I can't blame or be mad at her for it, she is justified in every way. Upon my return they placed me in the barracks and I have limited contact with her and our babies. The first week I was home we got along a little after two huge fights, in no way do I think that means we were going to fix things but it gave me hope, something I don't deserve but hope none the less. Things went well, now I'm restricted to the barracks and she became more distant from me then before and only mentions divorce if it's not about the children and even then usually only one word replys. I know she is hurt and there is no over night fix, but I love my wife more than I knew and I'm so stupid for what I've done. I pray for a chance to mend our broken home and to restore our love that started us. I was so wrong in thinking I was ok without her the truth is I'm nothing without her and want to show her my love and be the man she needs and deserves. Please any advice on this I'm at a loss as to what to do.

Frank,

I'm off to work in a few minutes, but let me say.. Welcome to MB. You have a chance at recovering your marriage if you work very hard and do what is suggested here. There will be a lot of tough questions and people will not go easy on you. Think of it as recovery boot camp.

How long have you been married?

Was this your first marriage?

Are you still in contact with OW? when was the last time you had contact?

Have you written the OW a no contact letter?

Does your wife know everything about the affair?

Something else that we're going to need to know to help you is if these two facts are related:

• ...we got along a little after two huge fights...
• ...now I'm restricted to the barracks...

Please enlighten us.

That you came here is a very good thing. That you have regret and remorse even better.

I suggest you start by reading the articles on the main site here and purchase Surviving An Affair at the bookstore here as well.

In the meanwhile, take some solace in this: anyone can find themselves in an affair as per the creator of this website. Its a simple matter of letting your boundaries with the opposite sex down and letting another person meet your needs.

As a betrayed husband, that factoid above has allowed me to forgive my wife and continues to move us through recovery. Prepare yourself for a lot of work, but coming here is a great first step as the steps taken (and not taken) can derail all your good intentions.

As a military guy, your thick skin will be needed as you'll going to get a lot of tough love.

Stay focused on the prize.

Have you sent a NC letter to the OW? It needs to be handwritten by you and then given to your BW for her to approve and mail.

Here are some examples:

here

How old are you? Your wife?

We have been married a little over 2 years and together a little over 3. In those years we have been through me being gone about 2/3 the time and going through court with her parents over custody of our oldest daughter. They took us to court because they felt the military is not a place to raise children. This is both our second marriage and I have no contact with the OW. My wife knows everything about that affair she spoke with the OW.

We had two big fights upon my return from deployment and after those for about 5 days we got along with genuine kindness not forced. She bought me a huge Hershey Kiss and hid it in my bags when she dropped me off to my room even made a plan fir dinner one night at some point.

As for the barracks I have been placed here by the military because they feel distance is in our best interests and do not want us in any esculating arguments. Mind you neither one of us are violent people and never have been.

As for a letter me and the OW have not had contact in sometime I don't feel it best to write a letter to contact someone I have not spoke with in a few months in fear she might think I'm reaching out to her.

I'm 33 and wife is 24
4 children, 11 lives with ex and 4,2, and 8 months live at home.

What sort of marriage support does the military provide?

Well this is all for not. Looks as though she is having an affair of her own now.

Frank, you can still recover your marriage. As you expose your own self to everyone about the affair, also expose her actions too. It will be your best shot at killing the affair.

CV

Why did your first marriage end?

Get your NC letter sent today, and then try and kiss your wife's affair through exposure.

Is her OM in the military? If yes, then please use them to kill this affair.

Are you fully familiar with Plan A? Read everything about it. You are likely going to Plan A her for six months. Pepperband has a link in her signature line. Please understand Lovebusters.

Her affair is public and she has gained support for her actions with the other guy.

Frank,

Is the OM in the military? Is he married?

CV

He is in the military and no he is not. They are going to move in together as well now.

Expose to the military with your evidence and kill this affair. Read GJM's thread to understand what happens with military exposure.

It is a great weapon and at your fingertips.

Frank,

what branch are you in? The USMC has a zero tolerance policy for adultery and has been very helpful in ending affairs.

CV

This thing is final. I can't see myself with her and the way she has become. We will try to be friends for the children but even then I'm a little doubtful. Thank all of you for your help, support, and guidance. I believe it's best that her and I do not remain married. Again thank you all.

Frank,

Regardless of whether the marriage is over, you both still need to recover, even if the end result is divorce and all you can be is parents who tolerate each other for the children.

The news of her affair is still fresh, and you haven't processed it all yet. I recommend that you continue to post on here, it will help.

God Bless,

If all you are going to do is cry here then vent all you want.

However if you are looking for a way to fight to end your WW's affair then this is the place.

The way you are using MB now is like buying a 300 HP vehicle and keeping it in 1st all the time. Not to it's best.

Not saying you should D or not D though MB will teach you how to clean up yous side of the street so you don't have any more affairs so you won't be getting D a second time.

I can understand your words but I assure you I'm reading other posts and trying to recover and become a good person. Not trying to vent or just complain. The guidance others posts is helpful. Again not looking for anything else but recovery at this time and a way to make a good inviroment for our children.