I have been married for 19 years. I have NEVER sought out the affections of another man in that time, until a year ago. My marriage has been not what it was in the beginning. The last 15 years have been very hard and depressing for me. No gratitude, no affection, no attention, no emotional intimacy. We have one child who is 8, almost 9. For a short time after he was born we were happy together. But that fell away again quickly. So along comes this man. A tall, handsome knight in shinning armor (Literally, he was wearing armor when I met him. ) I got involved with an SCA group (Society for Creative Anachronism) so my son could play with rattans and dress knightly. This man was part of that group. I fell for him and he for me, but he was �Honorable� and would not act on his feeling for me because I was married. He said the most beautiful things to me and I was smitten with him. He eventually moved away, but not before making sure he had me hooked. I started divorce proceedings and went down to be with him. I stayed for a month with my son and it was wonderful. The best time I ever had. But reality set in and my husband was making my life hell. I didn�t really blame him for that, because what I had done came as a shock to him, although I had told him for years what I needed from him and he would laugh at me or make fun of me or shrug me off. I came back home and stayed with my friend while I finished up the divorce. During this time, my knight in shinning armor asked me for money. I sold of my horses, tack and other animals I had. I sold everything I could. I even sold my son�s pony. I had given him hundreds of dollars when I was there, and now he needed more to rent �us� a house. So I sent him all I had. I also bought him gifts. A LOT of gifts. He became more and more distant though. He yelled at me for completely lame things, he hurt my feelings quite often, and changed considerable. Finally I got a message on face book that he felt his life was too �Dangerous� for me and my son and didn�t want to see me ever again. My heart broke. I was completely devastated. I attempted to kill my self, as my son�s father had started to become a real dad for once, and so he didn�t truly need me any more. I felt that the pain in my heart was more than I could bare. I got sent to a shrink, put on anti-depressants and had to move out of my friend�s house. Fortunately for me, my husband let me move back in with him. He gave me the master bedroom where I spent a month not doing anything but crying. During that time I found out that the man of my dreams had found a �Richer� woman. She is 15 years older than he is, but has a great job and insurance. He is following the money, I believe. They are getting married sometime soon. I wish her luck.
Anyway, I have tried and tried to contact this man about the money he took from me. He is cruel in his responses and hurts me all over again when I do. He told me he would give back all the money I gave him. It has been nearly 5 months and he has given me nothing but grief. Yet, for some strange reason I still feel affection for him. I still miss him. I still long for him. He is a liar and a thief. My head knows this but my heart does not.
So I stopped the divorce 2 weeks before it was to be final. I have allowed my husband back into my bed, and he is really trying hard to be the man I married, instead of the troll he became. I feel luck that he took me back. I have told him a lot about what went on with me, but he does not want to hear it really. He tells me it is in the past and not to talk about it. He tells me how happy he is just to have me back in his life. What he has for me IS true love. I want to get to that place with him again, but I feel the other man is still blocking my path. I know he is not worth the salt in my tears, but I still cry for him.
I don�t expect anything form any of you in replies. I just wanted to get this out into the world so I can try to get past it. Thank you for looking and reading.

67Shell
Welcome to Marriage Builders. This helps us to read your post better.

Do you have qusetions?

nESRE

no. not really. thanks

Welcome to MARRIAGE BUILDERS 67



Marriage is like a garden.
It requires nutrition/care/attention.
Neglect it and you get marriage weeds.


What a fantasy lie you fell for.


Are you familiar with the MB (Marriage Builders) Basic Concepts.
In particular the top emotional needs?
That's what happened.
You allowed a man who was not your husband to meet your needs.
OM made deposits into your love bank

LINK to the Love Bank concept


Your poor innocent child was exposed to adultery and it was portrayed as "wonderful". Shame on you.




You were very, very angry.
Making life-altering decisions while very angry is not usually a great idea.



Mother-of-the-year-award?
Not this year.
You SOLD your son's pony.
What lesson did your son learn from this?
OM's wants, and his mother's weaknesses have priority over an 8 year old's needs for a safe and stable home.



Might as well try to buy love.
Why not?



Thank GOD !


And your child was feeling ??????????????????????
Abandoned?
Alone?
Unwanted?
Frightened?
Confused?


The tears of an 8-year-old were unnoticed.


Who gives a crap?
What is important here?
2 turds get together and make a bigger stink.
NO ONE CARES !


Shame on you!
Pay attention to the debt YOU OWE your child.
NO ONE CARES about the OM his latest conquest or the money you lost.




Good ! He's giving you a very clear message ~~~> "Get lost."

Take him up on that.


Let it go.



And your dear child's hurting heart remains unattended with every thought you give towards OM ....


Drama queens are not handled with 'kid-gloves' around here.


Here is THE BEST ADVISE you will get.

Call for a marriage coaching session with the Harleys.

LINK to appointment center.

You like being a mess?

Unfortunately for your victims, your husband and child, your focus remains on your own selfish self. You wrecked your child's family and your husband's marriage so you could chase some pig. And you cry for yourself? You volunteered for this. Your child did not. Your husband did not.

You deserved to get dumped.

67, this one sentence says everything about you.

Want to become a better woman/mother/wife/human?

Then focus on learning the lessons rather than "getting past it".

"Get past it" is lazy.

What lessons/work/plans/techniques/concepts/plans/programs are available to you?

Oh lucky him. How dare you call him a "troll" after what you did. He has won no prize getting you back.

Have you been tested for cooties and other venereal diseases? Or are you exposing him to your sexual diseases?

I thought it meant did I have questions about how I posted.
And I did not tell the entire story, leaving out much of what went on with me and my son because I didn't want to write a book here.

Familiarize yourself with the MB Basic Concepts !!! <~~~~ Click this link and read everything.

ASK MB PLAN-RELATED QUESTIONS..... and the level of help you get will amaze you.

Do you have questions?

No, not really...I thought it meant did I have questions about how I posted.

Okay, let me ask you some:

What do you want to do?
How do you want to change your life?

Because if your answers are "Continue as I'm going now," and "In no particular way," okay, thanx for writing. Goodbye.

If however, the answers revolve somewhere in the vicinity of create a wonderful marriage (Yes, it's possible!), recreate yourself as a person of value, and attempt to heal the brutal injury you've done to your BH and son, you've found the right place.

WORD OF WARNING:

We don't give a tinker's damn what YOUR opinions are about OUR advice. You ask, we'll answer. Don't debate/explain/alibi/excuse.

Good? Ask away!

I thought for a moment I was reading SadWH from several years ago. My how the script is played well with waywards.

Ms. Shell - If you want to be admired, then do something admirable. If you want to feel good about yourself, then do good by giving to others first.

Your OM used and abused you because you told him how cheap you come. Your OM used and abused you because you told him you have no morals or values. Your OM used and abused you because of you.

You have the opportunity (because your BH is an amazing man for taking you back) to make a great marriage, which will give you a great life.

Are you ready to show your son how to pick a great wife?
Are you ready to raise your son so he never gets entangled in Adultery?
Are you ready to write a NO CONTACT Letter and do the hard work so your son's children will also have an amazing life with his grandmother and grandfather?

Then post your questions often and take full advantage of the advice you have been given. It is PRICELESS ...