On Nov 4th I discovered my wife was having an affair. It was an accidental discovery by cell phone records and calling a number that she had dialed alot. My wife quickly admitted to the affair but insisted it was only a short term affair with only oral sex on 4 occasions. She ran into the man that both of us knew on Aug 1 and started talking to him by phone a week later. Our marriage had been in a bad place at that time and both of us had been thinking about divorce by ourselves. On about sept 15 we had a large fight and many things changed in our marriage. I change my behavior to her. And our marriage began to improve. However my wife had begun to have romantic feelings for the other man. My wife has told me that the meetings between her and the man started at the end of sept on 2 occasions and twice more at the end of Oct. Due to his marriage, work schedual, and my wifes work schedual and family life they were only able to get together in a parking lot outside his work.
After months of talking between us I had began to accept and forgive her for the affair. But my wife's feelings of extreme guilt had grown and grown to the point of her almost attempt at suicide. It was not suicide due to her withdral from her lover that I know for sure. It was her extreme guilt over her affair and being obsessed with the thought I was going to leave her after repetatly assuring her I would not. I admitted her to a mental helth hospital on Dec due to suicidal thoughts and a plan. 3 days later she was released after being cleared and unable to hold her any longer because she could not be committed. The follow 2 nights she still did not sleep and contiuned her agitated state.

On the morning of Dec 23 she informed me that she had also had an affair with the same man for 1 year from the end of 2006 to the end of 2007. I was then informed that they had indeed had sex on 2 occaions at the end of the 1st affair which is why she allowed it to fissle out because she isists she did not want it to go that far. However from 06-07 they had met roughly once per month for a short time make out and oral session at a local hiding spot. I was also informed at this time that the last meeting of her most recent affair they did also have sex.

My wife began to tell me she was convinced I would leave her once I found about the past affair and that was why she was sure she wanted to die. Since she has emptied her conscience her emotial health has only gotten slightly better. She does see a therapist at this time and a family doctor to adjust and monitor her meds for depression she was diagnosised with since the metal hopital visit.

I have struggled each day with my emotions and after talking extensivly with my wife and our couselor about the other man's actions and speech. She was never forced into doing the sexual acts, but she has told us how the other man constantly flattered her by telling her about how beautiful she is. Every conversation and meeting started repedatly about her great looks. And earlier in the phone conversations he began to talk about sex in greater and greater detail as the time went on. My wife is a very trusting and gullible person. And has told me over and over again she just wanted a friend to talk to and things got out of control she felt she needed to please him in order to contiune to receive the verbal support that she was not receiving from me. (We have recently read his needs her needs, and love busters). She has also told me when the most recent affair began she told the man that she wanted it to be strickly friendship at this time. But fairly quickly again he bagan to talk about how great the oral and sex was and constantly telling her about her great looks and body. He was also constatly asking her to join him in a hotel or his house when his wife was gone. My wife insists this did not happen because she knew what would happen and I believe her. I have gotten very good at reading her and knowing when she is lying. After speaking together with our therapist and other friends I beleive my wife was seduced and manipulated but she still did not prevent the actions. Or am I just trying to put a convienient spin on the situation.

My question is how do I believe my wife when she tells me repetatly that she will never have an affair again. She says the visions of the pain she has caused me and her feelings of extreme guilt and the anxiety will prevent her. We have began to work on her honesty which has alway been in question through out our marriage, but none nearly like this. We have also begun working on what needs we have been missing from each other. Our sex life has never been better, but I have troubles due to my emotions at times. Effection and converstaion is also great. Neither of us are working much due to this huge emotional toll. I am just afriad to be cheated on again. I feel my wife is a 2 time cheater and is bound to do it again. Since she knew what happened the 1st time with this man and still would not tell him no to stop the dirty talk and not agree to meet him. What do I do. Can she be trusted to never cheat again. I do love her so much and want to stay with her but I can not go though this pain again. And at times I feel like a "schmuk" for staying with a woman that would cheat on my twice.

[video:youtube][/video]

Infidelity: What every couple should know.


What every MB forum poster should watch.

Watch that 30 minute video with your wife.

Then, stop discussing "trust" and start discussing "extraordinary precautions".

Downloading it now. Internet is very slow.

Watched the video with my spouse it helped thanks.