How do you do plan A when you are not living in the same house? I moved out as soon as H asked for a separation, and it was another week and half, before I learned of the affair, the physical relationship between them had only started the week prior to H asking for a separation. We have now been separated for 5 weeks (2 year marriage, 6 years living together and going out 2-3 years prior to living together).<BR>I spoke with H again a few days ago – asked if he was seeking a relationship with OW – and he wants to but that has been complicated by her on/off again partner who assaulted H. Now he is waiting for OW to sort out her "ex" and maybe then he can go rescue her??<BR>I have admitted to H that I now know that I wasn't meeting his needs, and that I am willing to try and meet those now – he did add that the blame/fault is not completely mine, saying that he had choices and that he also believed that our relationship had been over for a while – first I knew of it. I asked if he would leave his work – she is a co-worker who is there part time – the answer was no. I asked if I could return to the house, adding that I did not necessarily mean the bedroom – the answer was no. I asked if we could do some joint counselling, the answer was no, and I asked if I could see him again next week (I am currently out of town for around a week) and could I bring him some reading material when I did come to see him, and again he said no. <BR>I told H that I was planning an OE for next year – and he said that that was good as I had always wanted to travel. I responded by saying that I had been willing to put travelling to the side, to be married to him and that I thought that we had been working towards buying a home and starting a family, and that is what I really wanted.<BR>All in all, the conversation was pleasant, I was very calm and told him that I acknowledge that he has feelings and that he is entitled to those.<BR>I asked him if he thought that he was going to grow old with me when we got married, and he responded by saying that "I suppose I did think that we would grow old together at that time". SO WHAT HAS CHANGED!!<BR>So, once again, how do I do plan A while not in the same house – I will be removing my property from that house when I return to town? do I plan my OE – one day at a time, but I can't wait forever. H even said to me, don't wait forever for me.<BR>Any suggestions?<BR>

Yikes, Helen! I'm so sorry to hear of these complications.<P>You caught me this early here posting myself, lol.<P>I'll do some thinking on your situation. I'm sure other posters will be able to come up with some suggestions stemming from experience. <P>There is good news--the way is not easily paved with OW. This will buy you some valuable time to possibly build up the love bank between you and H. It IS going to be much more difficult with the separation to do this. Put on your thinking cap and make a list of things your H likes, and how you may be able to provide some of those things. Sounds like right now, he needs space (but you can't give him TOO much), and no lovebusters from you.<P>I'll keep thinking. Stay calm, and take care of yourself.

Doesn't seem like you have much of a choice here but to wait out your H.<P>If the answer to all your questions to him about trying to work things out, maybe giving it another month or two will produce different results.<P>Alot of things can happen between the H and OW once their "fantasy" world starts to unravel.<P>In the meantime you can work to keep yourself busy. I've found adult education classes to be a great place to meet people and take your mind off problems.<P>Paul