Just wondering if I am being too sensitive about my birthday and anniversary. My husband didn't get me a birthday present or card, but he did call to tell me "Happy Birthday" even though he was out of the country on business. On our anniversary, he didn't even remember to say "Happy Anniversary." I know he loves me, but these things really hurt my feelings. I don't know whether I should say anything because I'm afraid that I'm just being immature. Any suggestions on how I should deal with this?

Also, I should mention that he gave me a very extravagant present for Christmas. I'm sure that is factoring into my feeling that I shouldn't complain about the birthday and anniversary issue.

It's always a good idea to let your H know when love units are being withdrawn. Let him know respectfully.

But here's a hint, too: let your H know ahead of time when the special days are coming up and how you would like them handled. That way the expectations are very clear and no one is blindsided or disappointed.

Maybe he has a hard time coming up with gift ideas. If that's the case, give him some ideas.

Did your H mean for the extravagant Christmas gift to be for your birthday as well? I have a birthday close to Christmas as well, and this has often been the case--one large gift that covers both special days. As long as everyone understands that's the case, there's no hurt feelings.

Welcome back, Halle! Here's part of your first post on MB from early last year:


How have you been doing in Plan A? When you were here last year you talked about your H not meeting your needs. It was suggested at that time to begin Plan A, with an eye on Plan B. How did that go? Have things improved? What have you done in the past year to work on this with your H?

But it's important to you that he recognizes dates that are milestones in your life - why do you think this is immature?

Thanks so much for your response! And no, he didn't say the Christmas gift was supposed to cover my birthday, too. In fact, after Christmas he asked me a few times what I would like for my birthday, but I couldn't come up with any ideas. Frankly, I wouldn't have even cared what he got me; I just felt hurt that he didn't get me anything. I know you are right about letting him know when he is withdrawing love units, but I don't know how to raise the anniversary and birthday issues without sounding like a spoiled brat.

I ended up giving him some concrete steps that I needed him to take, such as sending me "good morning" texts each day, talking with me each night before bed, and giving me advance notice when he has to travel. For the most part, he has been doing those things and it has helped me feel more connected to him.

I guess I feel like I'm being immature because I know he loves me and I feel like I shouldn't need a tangible symbol of his affection on my birthday.

When my husband used to miss my day or the anniversary and he did, I would always at some point separate from the days have a discussion about how having him think of me on a few days a year makes me feel great about our relationship and when the days aren't acknowledged I feel hurt.........and it makes me wonder if something is wrong........Explain to him it is the thought of the day that is the important part not the $$ amount I told my husband I would have been happy with a hand written card with red hearts made by him on it........
As long as I knew he thought I was important enough to think about those days......
He is much better now then he used to be.........men sometimes just don't view the emotional stuff as important but they can learn and a great reaction by us makes them want to the next time.........
It makes for great little moments between the two of you as well, when times get tough you can look back to those days and smile........brings you back when you fall a little.........
have the conversation during a good day and keep it light and easy, use little every day thing to enforce the good feelings you get by something he does, he will eventually look for things to do for you to have that response........
Try it ........