You don't know how much that means to me but I know I have a long way to go. Thank you for your kind words and guidance and thank you every one for some tough love and guidance. I really needed it. I think I will be on this site for a long time and I hope that I can someday help someone in the way that you guys have helped me. No matter what happens I can truly say that you all are a gift from God!

Thank you for listening and making it worth our while! I thought it was notable that our tough love could not run you off even though you said you felt like running. I have said a million times that a person who is SINCERE about recovery could not be run off by wild horses. You have proved me right.

ML,

There is a saying that I've come to internalize in all things:

Reputation is the perception of what you are; character is the reality of what you are!

15Y's REPUTATION here (based on her own testimony encapsulated in a few posts) is, unsurprisingly, not sterling. As an outsider, looking in and being forced to make a wager, I would certainly NOT have backed the odds of this being her final transgression.

Fortunately for her, her BH has a more generous opinion of her CHARACTER - "..you said that if I could guarantee that I would not do this again in ten, fifteen, or even twenty years that you would stay with me." That statement is an undeserved gift of incalculable worth.

This is EXACTLY what got me to ride through my bride's betrayal 30 months ago. I KNEW that she was not THAT WOMAN, deep down. Fighting through together would be tough, but I could see the reward (hence: E-A-O-T-P!).

Net/net: NG would not have been satisfied with this (or any) letter from anybody but the person who was/is Mrs. NG. 15Y seems to be blessed with a spouse of similar affections toward her.

The work has started, with the formulation of a viable EP plan. It must continue with elevated levels of UA-time, coupled with concentrated attention to the key emotional needs of BH. We will all be here watching and helping.

Love this

I advise getting a move in the works. You can't live in the fear of bumping into OM and still heal. Ditto your BH.

You're coming along well!

No matter what he decides, I want to be there for him to support him. I will keep you posted and I am going to encourage him to get on here. He has looked at the website several times but is reluctant to get on the forum part of it.

15Y, you might point him toward the radio show. Especially if he is not much into reading, which seems to be the case for many people.

Tell him we're really a nice little bunch of people, once you get to know us.

And we only have to BS's once in a while.

Hardly ever.

fifteenyears, he would get lots of help here. We could help him recover your marriage in a way that would almost guarantee it was affair proof. We don't deal in hope, we deal in certainty.

We would not push him to stay in the marriage if he doesn't want to, but we would show him how his marriage could be recovered in a way that would protect his interests.

No matter what happens I can truly say that you all are a gift from God!

Do you enjoy stories with morals? Too bad, you're gonna get one anyway:

A man was stranded on his roof in a flood and prayed to God to save him. A man in a rowboat came by and asked if he would climb in, and he said, "No, I'll await God's help!"

A helicopter hovered overhead and started to lower a ladder, and the man said, "No, I'll await God's help!"

The man drowned.

At the Pearly Gates, he stormed at St Peter that as good and faithful a person as he had been, he was left to drown as his prayers were unanswered.

St Peter looked at him and said, "Unanswered? Why do you think the Boss sent the rowboat and the helicopter?"

Good to see you're planning to climb aboard, my friend!

Good job 15years ! Keep up the good work.

There have been lots of ups and downs for me/us, but we are working the plan. You can do it. Keep posting on here for help. I'm still on here every day, reading, learning.

Tell us how your husband is doing,okay ?
Blessings,
FF

I haven't been on marriage builders very long and i don't normally post on other people's threads but i just want to say how sorry i am for you. I know what it's like to lose your husband because of the bad choices you make. And i know the soul crushing feeling that comes from knowing that you have no one to blame but yourself. But you've taken the first step towards recovery/redemption and that is admitting your mistakes and trying to do better. I'm not going to tell you what you need to do for recovery as I'm completely not qualified to do that but i do think you have made the right decision in coming to this site. I've only been here a short while and already it has helped me immensely with my husband leaving me after my affair and the bad choices I made thereafter so you are in the right place. I hope it works out for you.


PS I'm a little bit confused was this a PA EA Or both did you have sex with the other man and how long did the affair go on for And were you in love with the OM.

ML, I will tell him that.

15years and RecoveryLady,
I wanted you both to know that I am also a WW and I am praying for you both, and for your husbands. I am thankful to not know the pain of being betrayed, like what I did to my husband, but I do have some idea of what you are both living right now.
May God grant you rest and sleep tonight, and hope for tomorrow.
FF

Recovery lady,

Your post made me cry because what happened to you is my biggest fear. I am so very sorry that it did not work out between you and your H. Are you guys still on speaking terms? Do you have kids?

This site is wonderful, a real gift from God no matter what happens. This is one thing I know for sure right now.

The relationship started out as an EA at the end of last year. We were co teachers together and already started flirting last year. Nothing happened this summer but as soon as school started in August we picked up where we left off. By the end of September it had turned into a PA. 11-12-11 was D-day.

I honestly don't know if it was real love or not. At the time it felt like it but now it just seems like silly puppy love. It is really hard to think about it now as anything good because it makes me sick to know what I did.

Thank you FF! Your forum was actually the first one I read on this site. I could really relate to everything you said.

Ooooh oooh oooooooh pick me pick me! I know the answer to this one!!!!!!

Even if you consider yourself to have been "in love", that does not REMOTELY make it real love.

It was not, is not, and never will be real love. It was selfishness, lust, and infatuation. I'm really, really glad you find it hard to think of it now as anything good. It wasn't, not even a little bit.

The time will come when it will not be hard - it will be impossible to think of it as anything good. You're getting there.

Your husband moved out because you are a serial cheater. He has absolutely no idea when you will cheat again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You were a newlywed and you cheated, you were married 15 years (happily) and you still cheated. He deserves to be happy.

Fifteen,

Never post outside of my thread, as I am a mess. I read your story the other day. Wow, I thought I was reading my own post, minus a few details. My WW had her As 1 year after our marriage, our son was one year old, she had 4 one night stand type As. We too were just out of high school, she too was 19 at the time I was 21. Add 15 year (ten years post DDay) and how about that another A.

Being on the BS side of things, I can completely understand why your BH left. For many reasons I have decided (for now) to try to make my marriage work despite what many have recommended here.

I must say it is not as easy a road as the first time around. I was able to rationalize what happened early in our marriage as a bad choice for a young woman who didn't know what she wanted at the time.

Now, I cannot get over the fact that my WW knew exactly what the size and shape of the dagger, and what pain it caused when she so carelessly slammed it through my heart, yet she was capable of doing it again 15 years later. Knowing full well what it would do to me. I can say it broke me the first time. I cannot describe to you what it has done this time, I cannot honestly say I will ever get it all back together again. Time will tell. I sometimes question my decision to stay because I can only think it will happen again. Not an if, but a when. She is like sweet poison- I know its killing me but I keep drinking.

Part of my reason to stay is fear. I at least know what I have, I don't know if I want to chance settling down with someone else, that woman may be worse than what I've got. Life is to short to go through this again.

I'm getting a little long and will quit.

I have no advice for you. I just wanted you to know my perspective on what my WW did to my marriage and me, as I can only imagine your BH feels a bit of what I do.

I hope this can help you in your path to save your marriage.
I will pray for both of you.