My husband told me on his own about affair about 2 weeks after it started (EA). At first, of course, I was devastated, but I have realized that it took a lot of guts to offer the info. He told me later that the night he told me, he was assuming I would kick him out of the house. I didn't, but now, of course, our divorce wil be final in 2 days. Just wondering how many of you were offered the info by betraying spouse?<P><P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>

Add me, Cam. No suspicions, no nothing. H came home June 28 and when I kissed him hello and said "I love you", he said "I love you too, Baby, but not as much as I used to." Two weeks later he told me he thought he was falling for a girl he met at work - she made him feel wonderful. He then started taking her to lunch and w/in 2 weeks said he had never loved me all these years and our marriage was a mistake. By 8/5 moved out so that they could begin to "date" and see what they had b/n them - yuk! And he's still there - although it's not the paradise he imagined it would be.<P>Lori<p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited November 01, 1999).]

In that "other" lifetime of my first marriage...during relationship death throes...my H told me he was developing a return interest in his secretary. I didn't particularly care, and was being quite honest with him about my activities also. <P>He told me about each basic step as it occurred. Of course, we're talking about how our relationship DIDN'T survive. (Ex and secretary eventually split up, I think it was about 10 mths. total.)

camarinick - I am one of the stupid spouses who had to be told by my H that he had a long term affair. End of January he came home one day and said he was leaving and started divorce proceedings. I was totally in shock. I had been waiting for him to come home, wanted to make love, cleaned up the house, cooked his favorite dinner and put flowers and candles in the bedroom that day. Boy, was I on another planet or what? After he said he was leaving and told our young daughter I asked if there was "someone else". He denied there was. I completely accepted his denial...boy am I dumb. Almost two months later, out of the blue again, he said he has been with other women throughout our marriage and he was "real close' with the last one. He said he ended the affair "recently". He refused to tell me who it was, but finally did at the end of May. Dumb again - a coworker he worked very closely with, evenings and weekends, overnight conferences. When he first disclosed who it was he said the affair was one year long. Later he said it was 5 or 6 months. Last week he said it was a couple of months. Two months after he told me he'd been with other women our entire marriage he denied saying that at all. (I did not just make it up.) I don't know what to think. I do obsess about it all the time and wonder if our marriage has been so tainted and damaged by this that I will always feel this overwhelming sadness.<BR>Doesn't help that he still works with ow (and I hate her beyond what I ever knew I was capable of)<BR> Simone<p>[This message has been edited by Simone (edited November 01, 1999).]

My H had a month long "friendship" last October, he slept with her on Oct. 26th and he came home(was travelling for work) and told me Oct.28. I knew he'd been tense, he claimed it was work, I believed him. Stupid, stupid me. I was 7+ months pregnant(with our 4th-with the help of fertility drugs)-it hit me like a brick wall at 90mph.<BR>Baby and I survived and H and I just got past the one year mark last week. It's been a LONG year but things are going really well now.<BR>When I get really down I keep reminding myself that he didn't have to tell me, I probably never would have known. It took a lot of guts to come to me and tell the truth.

Ok, here's a view from the other side of the fence, but in the same field. I found out 2 days ago that my W was having an affair. We have been having problems for quite some time. And about a week ago I started giving her the emotional needs that I had let slip for so long, but I didn't seem to really be getting anywhere, and I didn't know why. Monday night she said one of her friends was having an emotional problem and if she could go comfort her. I said sure, that's what friend are for. For some reason I decided to look through her old e-mails to find out what she was saying about me, and what I was doing wrong. I was not expecting to find what I found. Two love letters to the OM, one graphically sexual. Not only did this hit me like a brick in the head, but I was alone. I soon grabbed our 2 year old and ran to my mothers house. Then I just called everyone I could find to help me talk and calm down. Trust me, I beleive it would have been better if she would have told me. At least that would have show that she cared somewhat about my feelings. So no, I haven't had my betraying spouse tell me, but I wish I would have.

Affair began 4/98, H said he was unhappy in June, moved out for "space" in Aug. Swore to me a thousand, thousand times there was no one else. He confessed 1/99. Swore it was over another thousand times. A friend spilled the beans to me in Aug, I have no way of knowing if it ever ended from Jan to Aug, he says it did...and it's over now....

I felt a disturbance in the force. Decided to tape the phone lines. Less than 12 hours later suspicions confirmed.<P>Confronted her with the truth. She kept a stiff upper lip and continued with "her story" but with hearing her and him on the phone. I told her where she was and with whom. Seconds later I escorted her out to her car. Seperated ever since. Divorce papers will be ready to be signed mid January.<P>Luke, I'm not your father. Where the h@ll did that come from.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic