She has her own cash and plenty of it for a three day hotel stay. There is no CC in both our names. She runs her own business. The joint bank account only has enough installed monthly to cover household utilities, food and mortgage. Everything else is separate.

My son is 15 and my daughter is 18.

I will demand her not go this afternoon and see where I end up. I already know the answer if I through divorce out. She will threaten me with taking all of my retirement and house and not let me see my son.

Did you mean to write "threw divorce out" or "throw divorce out" as a threat to divorce her?
Don't do that.
No one here says to make such threats.

What you do is, you get accurate legal advice/information about your rights in case there is a divorce.

If your WW makes more $$$ than you, she might owe you spousal support in a divorce. Find out.
Also, your 15 year old will be able to see his dad (you).

Do the kids know exactly what their mom is doing?
Yes or no?
Do they know she is involved in adultery?
Do they know she is spending money to finance adultery?
Do they know that you are working to stop the adultery and save the marriage?

Yes or no?

She does not have the power to do any such thing. You can probably sue on grounds of adultery depending on where you live and get possession of the house, and primary custody. In many states, they do take adultery into account. Your wife is unfit and you have a record of her unfitness.

So tell her clearly this will lead to divorce and it will be ugly and she will not be happy!

Your kids and everyone else should know what she is doing. So spread the word around.

This is similar to the radio broadcast from Dr. Harley that I listened to last night.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/

"Two men both send emails, saying their wives have blind sided them. The women say they no longer love their husbands. The wife of the first emailer says he is not meeting her needs, he thought everything was fine. "

Update:

I have spent the last few months is the same mess as I left it in back in January. Nothing has improved although I have spent endless hours trying to make things better. I am in counseling. She still refuses counseling. My wife has continued to punish me for everything I have did to her and then some.

My daughter graduated on May 25th from HS. My wife asked me last Sunday to move out. I had feared she was only waiting for this time to come. She stated she hated me and does not understand what took her this long to make a decision. She also said I needed to find someone else to have sex with because she was never having sex with me again. We only have sex maybe once a month now and it is only after she returns from a night out drinking with a single girlfriend.

She says she does not want a divorce at this point until our son graduates. She wants me to move into our lake house (5 miles from our home) and still support her and the household just like I am now. I have not moved out yet and did not give her a yes or no answer as to if I would consider it.

So last Monday I start buying materials to build a utility room onto the lake house because there is no room for a clothes dryer to get things ready to move out in case I have to. She seemed a little down when she found out this was what I was doing but she has yet to ask me to stop.

She was out to 3:00 am Friday night at a club 40 miles from home and out till 2:30 am last night supposedly at the casino with her mother. I was working on the utility room at the lake house both nights till 10 pm.

Does she just need time to think? Is it a good idea to agree with her terms and move out and give her time to miss me?

At this point I do not know what to do because she refuses everything I suggest we do to improve things.

Thanks for any suggestions.

It looks to me like divorce would be the definition of success in your situation.