HDW,
wow. looking at it black and white makes perfect sense! you just describe my H to a T.
whatever his addiction is Cheating (women)/drinking/porn/and only god knows what else.He is an addict

thank you for your time and energy replying to my posts. I really feel so lost/angry/confused/overwhelmed/sad and just flat out crazy.restless mind wake up and go to bed with this in my head..i really hate me right now.

scotland,
Im not sure what i want to accomplish, thats why i am here.
Trying to figure out what is the best thing to do?

I have 3 kids with him.
He still with the other woman.
He used to text email and say how sorry/miserable he was..but after i figured he was playing with my head (maybe not really meaning to but was??) I put a stop to that.

So the last time we texted/emailed he is agreeing that we need to divorce and that he has moved on.But he isnt 100% content regarless of what path he takes..but the way he feels right now is he is going to keep on with this current path bc it is too late for us now.

So i agreed. and am sticking with NC.
Supprsingly he hasnt texted or emailed or called in the past5 days..(this is the longest he has gone without texting me something about the kids etc)

SO maybe he is really backing off and will be fine without me and the kids.

Regarding the above post, you do not know if he will be happy without you until you are in Plan B.
You need to Plan B ASAP if you want to fight for your marriage.

And I hate to sound like a broken record, but consider attending an al-anon meeting. You will meet people in the same situation. Addicts are the same everywhere.

HDW
thank you!
Im getting on the real plan B.. (i thought i was until i thought about what you said)

AL-ANON im not sure what this is but will research.

Thanks a million HDW!

Hi lost,
Glad to see you are getting advice about a true Plan B. It sounds as though you have been following Plan C... for compromise. Dr H says this is the quicker way to get a divorce. Regardless of whether Plan B ends in divorce or not, it will help YOU. It will give you the time and clarity needed to decide if you want to recover the marriage or not. At the moment you are caught up in the drama, and that stops clear decision making. You need some peace. Plan B offers that.

So... get an IM. Read up on Melody Lane's IM training school under notable posts so you can have a good think about who would be best suited for you.

Write a Plan B letter (again, examples under notable post). Forgive me if you have done this, but I don't remember you saying you have. A PBL is very important, as it gives the wayward directions for how to find their way back to you.

Make sure you have changed your phone numbers and email. WH should not be able to reach you. He needs to learn that you will not be there for him UNLESS he meets your PBL conditions. Consider getting the kids a Daddy phone if he wants to contact them so you do not need to answer.

Plan B is hard at first but it gets a lot easier. Remember that you are showing your WH that you will not be his friend, that divorce will not be all la la la, rainbows and unicorns and an ex-wife waiting in the wings for when things get tough. I remind myself I do NOT want a friend who lies and cheats. I want a husband who shows me love and consideration, honesty and respect. If WH can't be that man, he will NOT be my friend.

Caracal,
thank you so much for your time.
I am going to to read on Melody Lane's IM training school right after post this.

you are right on point when you said:
I do NOT want a friend who lies and cheats. I want a husband who shows me love and consideration, honesty and respect. If WH can't be that man, he will NOT be my friend. I totally agree 100%.

I was afraid of losing WH forever I guess, and thats why i fond myself with plan C when i meant for a plan B.
but regardless if the divorce goes through or not, i need to follow plan B for myslef. So i can see and think clearly away from all this endless drama!

I am praying that GOD'S will be done. If God wants me to stay then he'll show me the way..and if its not in the will of GOD, that he helps me to let go.
Thanks a million once again for the reply!!

Listen to HDW. Your husband sounds like a very immature addict who will end up cheating on his OW anyway. An 18 year old when he's in his 30's? Sick!!

HDW is right. Keep going forward with the divorce. As the WW, I can tell you that he needs to be ignored! He needs to see that you are not waiting around for him.

After all, don't you deserve better?

comedytragedy,

Hello~
Yes! 18 going on 19 year old hooters waitress.He was 32years old. My oldest child (boy) was 11 at the time. When he left he house to "find himslef" he told my 11 year old son you are the man of the house now. I was speechless. I told my son NO WAY! you are a 11 year old boy that he will not be the "man of the house"

WH is immature no doubt. He went to go get a matching tattoo with this hooter waitress.(which after "they broke up" he got it covered.

I def will go foward with the divorce.

I gave him 13 years of my life and he spit on me and left me with three small children.

NOw he got himself a 29 year old bartender. they have been "in a relationship" for 9 months now.I spoke to this woman when I found out.Told her she was # 4 etc...(it was heat of the moment for me of course)she is still with him so i guess she doesnt care.

Since then he has been texting, emailing me that he is miserable etc....( i have cut off all contact with him now)

I do deserve better for sure.He makes me feel like dirt.I am in so much pain..this really sucks!

I am sorry to hear you are a WW as well. I hope you are doing better.How are you dealing with your drama????

I was about to tell you to block him from texts, etc. and get an intermediary (parents? sibling? friend?) to handle visitation. He should not be allowed to trigger/upset you whenever he feels like it. He's made his choice, he needs to live the consequences.

I am so sorry you are getting the support you deserve from his parents. I would let them know how it made you feel, after all, you are the mother of his children and the one who will likely be raising their grandchildren, are they not very bright or what?

kaycstamper,

Hello!
Thank you so sooo much for your reply! I feel better when i log in to MB bc i feel like there are so many ppl that gives you feedback as well as support. I dont have many family so this helps me ALOT!

as for my in law's.. I used to lived with them (for a few years, I was 21 to 23)(did pay them)and did so many good/nice things for them his aunts and grandparents are totally giving me support. but his parents.. I did talk to them and let them know how i felt. BUt they said "I DONT condone his behavior BUT theres nothing we can do" so i asked them is that why you give him the beach house key to him so he can take the OW there freely??????? (he has taken the 18 year old girl there too) (which they gave him the keys then too)

I am disappointed. It really hurts me his sister (I was there for her when she was going through hardships in her life) has met this OW (met the 18 year old back then too) his brother same thing met this OW and supports him. (his brother is younger than my WH)still lives underhis parents (at age 27) so i dont know.

I am just blown away from my inlaws at this point. I am so angry!

Did you get an Intermediary?
Did you send your husband a No Contact Letter?
Is he paying child support?

Good questions...

I meant to write I am sorry you did NOT get the support you deserved (from in laws).

How's it going?

You are divorcing.
What is your estimated child support?
What is your estimated spousal support?
What sort of work does your WH do?
Does he get a paycheck?

If your in-laws actively supported his affair, do not try to convince them otherwise. They don't have any morality whatsoever. There is no sense in casting pearls to these swines.

God bless you,

Happyheart

Ugh, I feel your pain. My in laws enabled the affair in many ways. Makes it very difficult when family, one of the BIGGEST influences, is not a resource to do the right thing. My husbands father is a wayward himself, its disgusting. Sorry