I hear you. I am going to take the rest of the night to read up on tbd suggested threads. Thank you for reminding me to not tell h my plans, I may have forgotten that part. I really appreciate the guidance and support. I have made this way to easy for him. I have given him no reason to make drastic changes. The wind is about to change. Now to put actions to my words.

Good work hun. I know how hard this seems at first. I can't even imagine what it is like to deal with it the second time around.

Take care of yourself, read up, we'll be here in the morning. Remember, if you have any questions, ask away. If you need to vent about the bonehead things your WH is doing, do it here. WE understand.

i feel like i am in the same boat as you KMEJ. I too have 3 boys. I am scared and mad all at then same time. I am so lost. I feel like i am in a nightmare. I know how you feel. Sorry you are going through this while raising 4 kids.

My stbxh (we are still married) i filed divorce in aug 2011
the divorce is still on going at the moment.He is still with this OW which make me feel literally sick.

has been with her for 8 months. I wonder how they go to bed at night??

They are in a fog. they think they are in love. I came across love letters and l kid you not their brains are taken over. They thought this was in the best interest of everyone and the kids would thank them one day. I am so sorry for your pain. hold strong, you will be better off with out that dead weight that has consumed you stbx.((((hugs))))

I know it was painful to come across the "LOVE LETTERS".
It was hard for me to look at fb posting.."in a relationship"
pictures of them out and about while im here suffering and rasing my young boys. Looking at their "check ins" on fb.. it was a rude awakening for me to see all this.

I agree i think they (most cheaters) are in a fog. In la la land. thinking this is "meant to be" they are IN LOVE etc etc...

I dont know what else to do other than what i am doing now which is NO CONTACT with him (which he texts me a few times a week) asking about the kids as if he really cares??

Does he not see the kids?

lost, can you post on your thread? KMEJ is in a crisis and needs to focus on her situation. Thanks.

If someone is trying to pick a fight I always say cheerily:

if you are looking for an argument, go look somewhere else.

Then I turn my back and pretend to not hear them or repeat the sentence as nessecary.

melodylane:
If you read the post.. I did move my post and apolized. I am new here and didnt know how post etc.

Well, I guess I should have stupid tatooed on my forehead. I chickened out and did not do full exposure over the weekend- my H was doing a FANTASTIC job of convincing me. We spent time together, we held hands, went to movies, laughed, snuggled... Every once in a while I would get annoyed, but tried to keep it in check- did have a few rounds of me saying seriously! We went out to lunch on Monday and held hands and talked, shared some feelings that we had, talked through them. I cried. Today we chatted via text while I was at work and he was home with the kids. We spent a little bit of time together, and he was texting another female,breaking a rule. I let out a heavy sigh letting him know that I was not happy and he asked me why I was so against him having friends. I said nothing else, went and took a shower and he came in and waived to me and left. He left his phone behind- purposefully as that phone is almost surgically attached. Well I am an idiot. He is telling this "friend" (who at MINIMUM he is having an EA with) that I am this horrible person, that I make his life a living hell. She tells him that I am emotionally abusive and does not know why I stay. Okay, I get it, she is 15 years his junior, she does not know any better and will listen to whatever he has to say. Well, I know way more now than I ever wanted to. You know the saying "wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then"? well, that is me right now. He is out with HER (not the previously discussed OW, but this "Friend" of his. He is playing me out to be this controlling wench of a wife that spazzes on him for absolutely no reason.

You all were right, I needed to blow this thing out of the water- but I was not expecting to have to blow an EA out as well as an A. What is wrong with me? Yes I get upset with him when I feel taken advantage of. I am easy to please, a little attention, affection and appreciation and I would move a mountain for him. I am hurting. I am mad. I am shaking.

Oh one of my favorites while reading through his phone is he left them all on there since early December, and he told her all these great things about me (not) and he sent her pictures of all these marriage books I am reading and mocked me saying "Like that will help". All this after taking me out to lunch yesterday, telling me he wants it to work, holding my hand. Is this more WH fog BS or what? I fear for my future. Not my safety, just how am I going to survive this. Why do I love a man so much that insisits on hurting me so deeply?

Let us know when you get serious. There is an obvious reason why your marriage is experiencing a 2nd affair. And why there will be more to come. If you don't take recovery seriously then neither will your husband,. If you are going to use the forum as a blog instead of a resource to fix your marriage you are facing a future of more infidelity. And wasting our time...

Sounds like you need to do a full exposure this time. Even if it means becoming clinical in your approach to it.

No exposure = many more affairs for him in the future.

CV

Ditto.
When you ask the forum for instructions about exposure and then you follow through and expose these affairs with all your might .... then I'm interested in helping.

Continual lamenting .... "What is wrong with me?" "Do I have a stupid tattoo?" .... is not going to get you any traction here.
We are sad you are a victim of adultery after adultery. Now what are you going to do about it?
Truth spoken here.

KMEJ - What's going on? Any updates?

Hi KMEJ

Does your husband still hit and threaten you ?

You have taught your kids that men can do whatever the hell they want to women and they suck it up with a smile on their face. Well done.

Find some sand in your gut and leave this monstrous man. Now.

Get serious. He violated in INVIOLABLE BOUNDARY, right in front of you.

You need to woman up and grow some boundaries, and do it yesterday. Boundaries don't control other people, they express what you WILL NOT LET IN YOUR LIFE. Some good examples are:

PHYSICAL ABUSE

VERBAL ABUSE

ADULTERY

DRUG USE

HEAVY DRINKING

There are many, many more. If you don't get your own boundaries in place asap and enforce them, you'll still be spinning your wheels in the same spot a year from now. And the year after that. And the year after that.

Meantime, your children are being ruined because you will not stand up and protect them.

Get off your behind and get moving!