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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Run and don't look back sweetie. It will hurt temporarily, but such a better alternative than a lifetime of pain. You can do it! yep! Short term pain for long term happiness. OR, short term pain for long term pain. Take your pick....
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
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Joined: Feb 2005
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TexasSun
Why according to your subject title is this "YOUR LAST CHANCE?"
This was more about his last chance and he has bankrupted himself.
Your last chance has not even become your first chance, unless and until you get away from this beast.
He is NOT a good man as you have blindly claimed. He is a user and will continue to take advantage and use you by tugging on your weaknesses. This will only lead to more abuse and more heartache for you.
You need to make this man a very unpleasent memory.
All blessings,
Jerry
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 107
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 107 |
You need to get away as fast and as far as possible from this guy. It is not love, it's abuse, and it will only ever get worse.
Last edited by Maryse; 01/16/12 04:27 AM.
Me, BS, 35
J, WS, 33
12 years together, married 2.
No kids, just cats
D-day 06/30/11
In Plan B
"If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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Joined: May 2009
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Counseling will not change him. It isn't magic. Couselors don't wave a magic wand to fix people.
Sticking in there will not give you what you are seeking.
You start to miss him when away from him because he meets a couple of your emotional needs and miss it when he isn't there. That feeling of missing him will fade.
You can not fix him. You two are in a dreadful (full of dread) pattern and there is no good reason for you to try your hardest to change it.
Allow yourself to miss him. To withdraw from him. To heal. To look for a better man who meets more of your emotional needs.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,154
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Take it from those who have been there: You are not actually in love with the man he is. You are in love with the man he could have been ideally, but refuses to be. This is not the website for you. This website is about building healthy marriages, not for rescuing disfunctional relationships. I'm sure Dr. Harley won't mind if I mention an article that is more appropriate for your situation. Please read Dr. Joe Carvers eye-opening article about "signs you're dating a loser" here: http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html(maybe also read 'love and the stockholm syndrome) Find yourself a boyfriend that treats you well all through courtship. And then, you can prepare for marriage by reading the articles on here and the books Dr. Harley wrote (don't forget the one about Buyers, renters and freeloaders!) When you look deep into your heart, you know this is not the man for you. These men are the hardest to break up with though. This kind of man is addictive. Just as the slot machine, which pays off once in a while, he will sometimes throw crumbs at you and you will fall for him again. May God give you wisdom and strength. Happyheart
Last edited by happyheart; 01/16/12 04:34 PM.
me, DH
5 children
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 517
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Lets pretend you were a manager, and you were interviewing a applicant for a job. you already know a little bit about this person before he walked in the door from other people.
As you are inteviewing him, its clear he does not have the work ethic or the skills you need for the position.
Would you still hire this person?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 5 |
I came to this website, because I needed advice from people who have knowledge of relationships like these. I needed help and had no idea where to turn. It's hard to hear everybody say the same thing but I know it's being Said for my best interest. The man I dated was a beast. I was silly to believe that counseling would help. Yes, its helps people but I starting to realize it can only help those who want help. I need to find the strength inside of me to leave for good and not ever look back. I scheduled an appointment with a counselor in hopes that I can get the help I need to move on from this relationship and stay free of these types of guys. I in a way came to this website as well because I needed to hear people tell me what I've been putting up with for the past 10 months is not right and nobody should ever go through. I thought I was the bad person and the reason for all of the problems. I would fix our problems even when it was caused by him because he would do reverse psychology on me everytime and being the type of person I am I just fixed everything to make it better wether it was my fault or not. I have taken in everything that has been said to me and will definitely try and apply it to my situation now and In the future. All I ask now is that God shows me How to leave and leave for good without looking back.  it's hard but the only choice I think I have left.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,712
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I came to this website, because I needed advice from people who have knowledge of relationships like these. I needed help and had no idea where to turn. It's hard to hear everybody say the same thing but I know it's being Said for my best interest. The man I dated was a beast. I was silly to believe that counseling would help. Yes, its helps people but I starting to realize it can only help those who want help. I need to find the strength inside of me to leave for good and not ever look back. I scheduled an appointment with a counselor in hopes that I can get the help I need to move on from this relationship and stay free of these types of guys. I in a way came to this website as well because I needed to hear people tell me what I've been putting up with for the past 10 months is not right and nobody should ever go through. I thought I was the bad person and the reason for all of the problems. I would fix our problems even when it was caused by him because he would do reverse psychology on me everytime and being the type of person I am I just fixed everything to make it better wether it was my fault or not. I have taken in everything that has been said to me and will definitely try and apply it to my situation now and In the future. All I ask now is that God shows me How to leave and leave for good without looking back. it's hard but the only choice I think I have left. KJ, I encourage you to listen to these folks. You do need to run away...and NOW! And NEVER look back, no matter how much you want to. Secon,d if you are interested in what God wants for your life, then I encourage you to go to the parts of this website that talk about dating, getting married, etc. It will help you lay the groundwork for having the marriage you do want and deserve. Lastly, stop giving away the store. You want what God wants? Then NO sex before marriage. And no living together before marriage. If he is the right one, he will want the same.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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