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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 122
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 122 |
Wow, what a sobering letter HPB. What I wouldn't give to not have to be sorry right now. 
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
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Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
OK, Jack, you've had 48 hours 3 days.
Are you ready to start answering some questions & get the ball rolling on fixing your marriage? Or did you just show up here for appearances' sake?
Y'know, admitting you acted badly & beating yourself up for a spell is a necessary first step; but if you leave it at that, then it's the same as quitting on your marriage.
Admitting that you acted as a corrupt, deceitful crook (from a moral standpoint) is spot-on, but that alone won't help your wife to feel emotionally safe with you, and it won't help to heal & strengthen your marriage. She doesn't want a self-loathing guy sulking in a corner. She wants a confident, caring husband, the one she thought she was getting when she said "I do". One with enough humility to not just talk about being underserving but enough humility to go the next step & ask for forgiveness. (No one deserves forgiveness. That's why it's built around the word "give", as in "gift". If you 're waiting until you deserve it before you ask for it, you'll never ask.) And not only that, but she wants a husband who isn't satisfied with acknowledgeing that he screwed up, but one who's willing to move from words to actions, to go the next step to make amends & make it less likely that he'll screw up that way ever again.
This requires you to be proactive in making some changes in how you live your life, and, in your spare time, in examining the "why" of your past conduct, in order to lower the odds of ever repeating it. Hence my questions to you.
You've talked the talk. Can you walk the walk?
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3 |
Oh, Sorry. Thanks everyone for your responses. I've taken everything in. We have been spending most our non working time together. We signed up for the gym and have been going together. We have been cooking together and spending more "quality time" sharing. We have had 2 weekends in a row date nights. Things are looking better everyday. If I gave you the impression that I am curled up in a ball in the corner of the house somewhere...I'm sorry. I'm very active in showing her how much I LOVE HER. As far as the appearance thing...yes I made an appearance and did a post. Not obligatory so much....Sincere. I am working a plan. We are really together. as far as walking the walk my wife is the judge of that and she says she'd pleased so far...I'm going with that. Thanks everyone. My apologies for making everyone wait (I was busy walking the walk).
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