You need to FOCUS Daisy.

You need to get the facts yourself.

So what if WH says "Sorry" 500 times but continues his affair?

Really.
FOCUS step one is to gather intel.

Do it.

The threads you are reading here are the ones that are in crisis. Most of us who are helping others are in fully recovered marriages and we are telling you how we did it. The ones that DID END WELL used the tactics are suggesting. Find the recovered marriages and ask them how they did it.


Yes, he is having an affair.


i have no idea what this means. A test for what?


Somehow you need to get ahold of his phone. How about taking it tonight while he asleep and reading the emails and forwarding them to yourself? Can you take out some cash and buy an American Express gift card with it? That way you could download eblaster on his phone. [$65]


And if he says no? Then you are screwed because you have just given away your suspicion and motivated him to go further underground.


But you can learn! Your marriage depends on it.

STOP accusing and start gathering evidence. Try and stay focused on what we are telling you. We don't care about what he says, it is irrelevant.

WOW!
Thanks Pepperband.

Although I wish our hearts and our minds would work together more often...

This was in reference to the plan A repost, thanks!

I understood your meaning.

Read Plan A and re read and ASK questions about Plan A.

Gather intel.
You cannot act without accurate data/facts.

Please understand .... Plan A carrot only WILL NOT HELP YOU.

You need to be doing both carrot and stick.

MelodyLane,
I have tried getting his phone in the middle of the night but he is such a LIGHT sleeper. I know it sounds silly but it's true, he hears EVERYTHING! I just don't want to be caught red handed.

How does that eblaster work? What is it exactly, how do you install it? Will it give me his email address and password? Like I said I really doubt he's calling and texting.

I do believe (95%) that it's a gmail account because I think you need one to set up an android phone.

Yes, thanks. I understand.

Don't lose sight of that fact. Some do.

(Ask people like Pepperband frequently to see if you are getting it out of balance and keep yourself on track. )

Part of Plan A is SELF CARE.

Don't lose sight of that either.

Does he ever access his email on your computer?

If you can't get his phone, then put the GPS on his car and put a VAR under his car seat. There are instructions over on the Operation Investigate forum.

You guys are a Godsend, thank you so much for taking your time to help me!

What would you say is the utmost valuable tool to have?

eblaster?
Thats just for the phone, right?
How long does it take to install?
With his suspicions of being spied on, will he be able to see it installed on his phone?

VAR?
How big are they?
How much memory do they hold?
What about battery?
Can someone 'sweep' his car and find it easily?

I have to be honest, I feel horrible doing this kind of thing. But I'll probably feel more horrible if I don't!

Thanks again.

Question about me:
With my H being wary of spying do you think I need to be worried about my postings on here? Would he beat me to it and put something on the computer first to spy on me?

All this thinking is giving me a headache...

eblaster is for phones and computers. On the phone it will give you the texts of any text messages, GPS location and in and out call log. It takes about 5 minutes to install. He won't be able to see it.


Try this one here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2586184#Post2586184

and go to Radio Shack and look into Zoompak GPS.


There is nothing to feel horrible about! Spying may save your marriage.

Here is the thing. First, he is probably not here. He will come here if you tell him about MB. So, just dont for now. This is for YOU.

When he is ready to fly right, then it will be time to get him here.

Second, even if he finds out you are spying, it will only cause things to get worse for him. How? Well, then he will look everywhere! Paranoia will set in!! And that will eb a cold shower on the affair also.

Do what is suggested here. Get the VAR first, as it is the cheapest and easiest way to get started!. Get a couple. Put one inside his head rest of his car. Put another in areas like the den or wherever he might go to be alone. Behind the headboard in your bedroom is another good one.

Most VARs use AA or AAA batteries. And since they are VAR...they will only activate if there is a noise. So, you will need to check it every day or so...to make sure the batteries are good, and to download any of the info on there, go through it and then reset it for another round.

Have a VAR ready to switch out when you take the VAR out of his car. Put the 'new' one, with fresh batteries, immediately in the old one's place. That way you've always got a fresh VAR installed in the car, which historically is where adulterers really start yakking on their phone (because they think they're alone where no one can hear them. )

Daisy - It must be stressed that if/when you discover something awful about this affair .... you DO NOT confront your WH.
You must exercise self control.
OK, Daisy?
Bring the discovered info back here. Post it, and allow us to guide you toward your next step so that you are effective.

Okey-dokey?

Let me clarify, I don't think he's on the MB site. I was just thinking that maybe he's spying on what I'M doing on the computer which would bring him to this site and all my postings.

The VAR is something that you plug into a computer to listen to? So I'd have physically access the actual device everyday. I'm worried that he'll see me with it while I try listening to whats on it. Any advice to not get caught?