Hi everyone I am new here and need a little support and wise words.
My hubby and I and been married 6 years. 2 weeks ago I found emails to and from another woman. He says he misses here in these emails and says she's his top totty.
I confronted him and says nothing pysical happened between them.
He's says he does not know why he started this "friendship" with this woman, but is has left me feeling not good enough for him and suspicious of everything he does and everywhere he goes. I hate this feeling. Please help me put things into perspective! Thank u in advance xxxxxxx

Welcome to Marriage Builders, Kelkel.

You've already put things in proper perspective by feeling suspicious. She's his 'top totty'??? He 'misses her'???

You need to do a couple of things. First, show him the best side of yourself that you can. Look nice, smell nice - if you're wearing the same pair of grubby sweats every day after work because they're comfortable, get out of them and put on something nice. Cook his favorite dishes. Compliment him. Don't grill him about this woman.

Next, you need to get some snooping going. Can you get his phone long enough to install spyware on it? Check out this site for spyware: www.spectorpro.com It has spyware for phones as well as computers, which will be invaluable to you. Check this out today - you can download the spyware immediately.

How did you find the emails? Were they on his home computer or his phone?

Who is this broad? Do they work together? Do you know her? Does she have a Facebook page?

Last: DO NOT TELL YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THIS SITE. If he's having an affair with that skank, we may be able to help you, but he can't know about us right now.

Infidelity Algebra: EA + Time + Opportunity = PA

Did he have the middle two factors?

1) Keylog his computer.
2) Insist on a poly.
3) Prepare for bad news.

I agree with Miss MaritalBliss.

Please, click the 'carrot/stick' link in my sig line below, and use it as a quick Plan A outline. Re-read it as often as necessary.

Investigate further.
Once you know more, exposure without warning.

Be brave.
Fighting adultery is not for wimps.

Kelkel. I'm sorry that you find yourself here but this is the best place to be under the circumstances.

You are right to be suspicious of everything he does and every where he goes. "friends" do not call each other top totty.

STOP confronting him. You have already discovered that he will not tell you the truth and it just alerts him to be smarter in his deception.

Get a VAR for his car, keylogger for the computer, and spyware for the phone. Can you access the phone logs?

While you are gathering your evidence, be the best wife you can (Plan A.) We can give you a plan to kill this and recover your marriage, but you need to be smart. Stop confronting and start snooping.
Hugs.

*LINK* to investgation tools forum

You need to trust this.
Your H is not telling you everything.
In other words, he's lying.
Stop asking him questions. Plan A him while you do your homework.
Put a GPS on his vehicle.
Use a key-logger.
Use every available tool to find out the truth on your own.

You should have a perspective like James Bond. Be a super sleuth. Get the goods and then come back here.

Hi Kelkel, I am relatively new here but just wanted to let you know that the very same thing is going on with me. Found out 2 months ago that my WH was texting a co-worker constantly and engaging in hour long middle-of the night phone converstations. He insists that "nothing happened" and that she was just someone to talk to because our marriage "was miserable". I found out that he was with her until 3:00 am one night but again..."nothing happened". Yeah, right. Listen to the advice you get here! I have been and right now I have spyware on his phone, a VAR in his car, I have exposed the A to his job and am preparing for Plan B.
My WH is unremorseful and still in contact with OW and it is really starting to affect my health.
I wish you the best.

Once you start posting on sites like Marriage Builders, you already know the answer. I'm sure an informal poll of the members here would reveal that by the time a spouse comes here, the other spouse is almost ALWAYS guilty of cheating.

This is a link to explain how 'exposure' should 'go down'.

*** Exposure 101 ***

BIG FAT RED FLAG!!

That was exactly how my WH's affair started, and unfortunately, although I found the emails I did not realise how entrenched his emotional affair already was by then.

I too confronted my WH and he pretty much came up with the same reply as your hubby; they were just friends, he was not in love/infatuated with her etc. etc.

He promised me he was going to back off, and tearfully ensured me of his love for me and his commitment to our marriage.

6 weeks later he left me for her.

Now I'm not saying your husband will do the same. But had I known then what I know now about affairs, I would have acted entirely differently.
I wish I found this site then, and not months after we separated, I would have stood a far better chance of saving my marriage.

Listen to the vets here, and heed their advice even if it sounds drastic or counter intuitive. They've seen it all before.

Good luck & stay strong

Maryse