Well Mel,

Based off of your posts above, you don't have a whole lot of respect for me or anyone who has failed at rebuilding their marriage. Why are you bashing me on this when I clearly said we weren't the best judge of our own recovery. I am happy you recovered your marriage, that is great. I didn't, what is the point of that statement. The girl next to me in Science got an A and I got a B, because I missed a few homework assignments. If I had a different teacher I may have failed, I do have a different spouse. I hope you see my point.

I have accepted the fact that I didn't do everything right. As I have stressed and explained several times, I thought we did, now I know different. Why are you jumping on my crap for admitting to this?

AS for EPs and affair proofing our marriage, with the exception of the job situation we have gone leaps and bounds in this area. As I am seeing it, I am unable to continue any discussion or participation on this forum without her job being the focal point of the continued bashing I am receiving.

I'm sure I will hear the "We did it and it all worked out", but I will say this again; I cannot encourage or permit my WW to leave her job until there is an available position that will continue to at least keep us above water. WE Just spent our ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS buying this house, we have two houses that we are paying mortgages, utilities, and insurance on. We are broke, and are just staying afloat. WE are trying to sell one house, but as everyone in the world knows, houses aren't selling. WE don't have the money at this point in our lives to just up and quite a job in an area that doesn't have a lot of jobs available. Now it would be easy to suggest to someone that that would be the best thing for them, but sit in my chair and then tell me how easy that decision would be. I am walking a tightrope here and I can't make rash decisions.

If you think my attitude is to save what I have over the marriage, you aren't to far off.

If we put ourselves in a position that I have to take a second job to make up the difference, would that be better? How about we get to the point we start loosing a car, then the house, would our marriage come out better. If our marriage fails and we lose everything, as many do, so what, at least we tried. If we lose everything to save the marriage, The marriage would almost certainly fail, as currently there isn't much of a marriage to save.

I have taken this advice, and we are taking steps toward changing our working arrangements, either I will work with her, or she will find another job, but that will not happen overnight, and to continue to toss the "you haven't done anything" bs at me is getting old.

Senn, you are a really nice guy and it is frustrating to watch this. But be assured no one is "bashing" you. We are simply pointing out the truth in the hopes you will GET IT.

Frankly, I have abandoned all hopes, but I can't just can't resist when I see you making endless excuses instead of taking decisive action. It is your right to make all the excuses you want, but it is also the prerogative of board members to point out that they are........excuses. And to point out the result of said tactics.

I find it bothersome that some don't think I am trying. I may not post them here but IMO I have taken measures and I must do more! Tell me what I am doing wrong? Cause I am bashing my head trying and making serious changes!

I am a listener, a follower, a slow learner. So please bear with me. I need all the advice I can get.

How can we tell you if you're not posting them?

CV

I answered on your thread, here ----> LINK

SiP and SiPW,

Just some food for thought when you get your undies in a bunch with Mel - she really isn't coming from a high perch. If you were to STOP and LISTEN you would see that she has made dang near every marriage mistake possible. You would see that some of those things only became resolved as recently as 2007.

Beneath that tough exterior, she's banging her head against the wall trying to lead people away from a hell she herself has lived.

Calm down, be still... and LISTEN.

I agree 1000%. I've had the pleasure of meeting ML IRL a couple of times and I can attest to the fact that she's the real deal and comes from a good heart. Her delivery can be tough but it's not out of a lofty place. It makes me crazy to see how much SHE gets bashed at times yet she carries on. Why?

Because she's good people and she cares. It's like a ministry in a way. She helps people heal their broken hearts.

We'd be lost around here without her. Besides who else can we tease unmercifully about their GBCW posts?

/TJ

Oh, I can't claim love for the tough exterior... But it's hard to not have mountains of respect for what is BENEATH it.

Thanks, friends.