PS - we've already told you why your husband behaves in the way he does; because he is not in love with you.

His disrespectful judgments towards you will be easier addressed when you are both in love with each other. Until that time, I would say you are definitely "in the right" to not want to "socialize" with him. Instead, you two should be engaging in activities you both enjoy, together, without anyone else around.

Who in the hell are you hanging with, that you are hanging with friends who want to smash his face in?????? This guy is your HUSBAND who has NEVER LAID A HAND ON YOU. Why in the world have they decided they want to smash his face in???

You need different friends who will respect your marriage.

Right off the bat, I can tell you that this is not the case, I "NEVER" spoke ill of my husband to anyone nor at anytime, I have always spoken very highly of him. However, what these people saw, both my friends and his friends, was a man who kept putting his wife down for no good reason and, therefore, they spoke up.

No, I never heard anything such as this (we're not talking about a bunch of immature kids here, we're talking about grown adults who were sincerely concerned for my well-being). What I heard were things like; "how can you let him talk about you like that?" "do you honestly feel safe around him?" "I know he's my friend, but..." etc etc etc

I saw the kind and loving guy he was/is and, unfortunately, they did not.

No kidding, why do you think I dropped all of mine and haven't communicated with them in well over twenty years?!

If you look back through this thread, you will see that I dropped all of my friends at my husbands request and with no questions asked.

Defending myself? What makes you think I am defending myself??

If I am defending anyone, it is my husband and my husband alone.
And unless I am a far more than just human there is no way on earth I could even meet his needs anymore than I currently am because I am already meeting them (besides RC) to a "T." I have been following the MB concepts for several months now and I have, and continue to, go above and beyond in making sure I do meet all of his needs. My husband scored me very highly on the last EN questionnaire and, next time round, there is no doubt in my mind he would score me even higher because I'm meeting his needs now even better then I was then. In addition, I also scored him very highly on his meeting my needs (and I still would today) because he, too, does a great job of doing the same.

I'm sorry, but this is something that I completely disagree with. He may use disrespectful judgments against me at times but, on the other hand, he also shows me complete and utter respect at other times. The ONLY time he even shows disrespect towards me is when we are with anyone who makes him feel (for his own personal reasons) "less then" he really is. Most of the time he talks about me in the most wonderful ways but, if someone so much as says something like "you're so lucky to have her," all of a sudden it's like a switch goes off in his head and he becomes a whole different person. Not a person that I am afraid of, mind you, just a person who I wish I could understand better when this kind of stuff happens.

Oh, and my husband does tell me he loves me, and he says he is still very much IN LOVE with me, all of the time (and I do the same for him). We never go a day without sharing these feelings with one another, sharing our feelings is of much importance to the both of us.

Me, I'm not hanging with anyone (remember, I haven't socialized in a very long time). The people I speak of here are actually my husbands friends, not mine. As to why they want to "smash his face in" it is for the very same reason I have been mentioning all along in this thread; the majority of these people just happen to be the very same people my husband "talks smack" about me to and they are the ones who are so disapproving of it.

Ironic, isn't it?

Can you understand why I would prefer not to socialize with these particular people? Anyone who threatens to harm my husband in anyway is no one I want to be anywhere near. As for why my husband still hangs around with them, well, according to him; "I bring it on myself so how can I even blame them for being so angry?"

Do you see the predicament?!

How many times did THIS happen:

Them: "Girl, that guy is a looooser!"
You: "Don't you say that about my husband again or you will lose me as a friend

Them: "Daughter, he isn't good enough for you."
You: "If you disrespect my husband, you disrespect ME. Is that the choice you're making?"

There is more to this story that you are not telling. We can't help you if you lie to us.

Chiming in for the first time because I'm confused. You say you love your husband and that you're in love with him. And you've gone from saying that your friends say you're too good to him to...

You're afraid that one day he might smash your face in. And that your friends are angry at him and fearful of him of what he might do to you.

Each time you post on here you up the ante on some issue you have with your husband but don't paint yourself in the same light. It's almost as if you're painting yourself as a victim in a bunch of different scenarios. If you're truly afraid of your husband that he'll samsh your face in, then that makes him a very physically abusive person.

Here's the thing, this is a forum with people that you've never met. You have nothing to prove to us or defend yourself against. IF you don't want to be completely honest, we all have better things to do than post to you. If you're in fear of getting your face smashed in, then this is beyond marriage help. This is you needing to get out of a physically harmful situation and him needing anger counceling.

If that were the truth, there would be nothing to discuss on the boards. You wouldn't be here searching for help. You keep going back and forth between talking about some disrespectful statements that your husband makes about you, to defending him.

FTF, you are not under attack. The thing people are trying to do here is to get you to that point where you can comfortably meet your H's need for RC, and have your need met as well.

The rift, as stated by you, is that he would rather spend his RC time with other people which is a huge red flag that he is not indeed in love with you. And your own flip-flopping here is an indicator that you are in a state of conflict.

Less defensive blah, blah, blah would help. We want to help you, but we can't if you keep waving a torch around yourself.

Please take the advice here. There is confusion here for good reason. You started this thread with how can you meet H's very important social/RC needs despite having "untreatable" SAD...then after good advice was presented, proceeded with a litany of his failures to meet your RC needs i.e. being miserable about it or out & out refusing to RC with you. When it was pointed out that you are DJ'ing your H, you add that you avoid social situations because your H puts you down in front of people making you feel like crap, but being completely in love with him, you want to understand why he would do this.

Finally you present your main concern as keeping him safe from getting physically hurt for the things he says about you, which is why you stay away socially. FtF, you pride yourself on how high your EN scores and how loving you two are, but then reveal your screenname's meaning--fear of what could happen down the road.

There is a lot going on here, and people want to help. Much of your posts come across as defending yourself to strangers who simply want to see marriages like yours thrive! Heed their advice, they know of what they speak.

I'm sorry, but I have to call BS on this. So...you're really not that upset about how your husband treats you, but OTHER people are. In fact they are so upset that you are concerned they will ASSAULT YOUR HUSBAND for treating you poorly.

Seriously?

So...I'd say first off you should probably stop seeing all these people, no?

If your husband is in such danger from them.

Have you considered going to the police? In most jurisdictions, uttering threats is a form of assault.

Get over it.

I'll tell you what I tell my kids on a regular basis -- "I don't care what you call it. Stop doing it."

Call it "griping." Call it "explaining." It's disrespectful and a lovebuster, and it must stop. So stop it.

I don't have to talk to anyone to know that you are very disrespectful of your husband. It didn't take much looking to go through your posts and see the disrespect.

Are you interested in learning what you're doing to harm your marriage? Are you interested in stopping? Are you interested in creating a better marriage? Or are you wanting the standard MB advice to be bent for you (the same advice that has saved countless marriages), because you're somehow special and different and it doesn't apply to you?

But also she typed that she's afraid that he will smash her face in. So her friends are afraid he'll do this. She's afraid he'll do this. And she's also afraid her friends will assault her husband. Basically there's a ton of physical violence that possibly go down.

You misread, KT. Her friends and family want to smash her husband's face in because he is disrespectful to her.