I have a female friend who was in "engaged" to a real winner. A con artist, narcissistic, mentally abusive type, and as it turns out he was actually married to someone else the whole time. He was with my friend for over 3 years.

She finally gathered the courage to dump him when she received a pocket call that revealed he was still married to his so-called ex.

Since then she has made great strides towards getting over him...until last week. He showed up at her door and she spoke to him. He revealed that he had been watching her. He is a full-on stalker. He is also very manipulative. Combine that with her meek nature, and the conversation crushed her. I know the easy answer is "She should enforce no contact", but she simply doesn't have the will...even though she says she doesn't want him to contact her.

Here's where I come in. She doesn't have the courage to stand up for herself and nobody else seems to care, so I'm going to stand up for her. He works in a profession that can be easily impacted by poor behavior outside the workplace, and I can contact the vast majority of his coworkers (and his wife) via email. I stand poised to nuke his [censored] via exposure, describing how he's an adulterer and a stalker. I've heard about this guy for a long time, and it's time someone stuck a fork in him. He's the type who causes the nightmare cheating stories you can read on this site, plus he's potentially dangerous.

I'm looking for input in general. Advice, how to compose the email, opinions, etc.

Avoid name calling.
Avoid the work 'stalker'.
State facts only.


I am writing this at the bequest of (friend).
On (date) (creep's name) became engaged to (friend).
They had dated for (amount of months).
They made plans to (whatever).
They went (places) and did (name things they did together).
They stayed at (motel).
On (date) (friend) discovered (creep) is already married to (wife).
(Friend) told (creep) on (date) that she discovered his marital status and broke off the relationship.
(Creep) showed up at (friend's) door on (date) and informed her that he has been "watching her".
(Friend) is very upset because she does not want anything to do with (creep).
(Friend) is very uneasy about being "watched" by a married man.
This letter is written in the hopes that exposing (creeps) behaviors and actions he will stop bothering (friend) and allow her to heal from this traumatic event.



How's that?
You can't be sued for libel if you state factual events only.

Edit to add:

(Friend) asked me to send this letter for her, because she is afraid of (creep's) reaction if she sent it herself.

PS

She should save all her texts/emails/letters/receipts/etc, that relate to this relationship/affair.
She should also copy these things and give copies to you for safe keeping.

I wouldn't do it. This guy could go ballistic and hurt both you and your friend. Instead I would expose to the guy's wife and ask her to keep her husband away from your friend. Let the man's wife decide if she wants to expose at his workplace.

If you feel that you MUST do it, consult a lawyer first to see what your potential liability would be.

Good points !

Exposure to wife is really paramount.

Thank you both! You bring up good points. I agree that exposing to the wife is priority #1.

I'm not scared of what he might do to me, only what he might do to her. Honestly, if I wasn't afraid of prison I'd beat him to a pulp instead of sending emails.

If you are not afraid, include your cell phone # in the wife's exposure letter.
Tell her to call you if she wants to see the proof. Tell her you have emails/texts/etc.

If wife calls you, you then have her phone #.
You can call wife and re-expose immediately if creep attempts more contact. Which, I'm afraid, he will.

Maybe have this friend stay with you right after exposure?

I would only expose him to his wife and let her decide what to do.

I know you mean well trying to help your friend, but she really needs to stand up to this guy.

How does your friend feel about you doing this?

I think I would talk to the wife in person rather than through email.

Please let us know how this goes. I worry. Thankfully you have given me something that is not in my life to worry about. lol

My friend begged me not to contact his wife, which leaves me with a decision to make: Do I nuke him in spite of her? I think it would be best for her in the long run, but she's not a child, and I'm not her father.

As far as fear for myself, there is none. I can still tap into my D-day inspired bubbling cauldron of rage when I want.

No.

She's a very common female 'type'.
She wants to whine and complain but take no actions.
She's looking to dump on you.
She does not really want things to change.
Why?
Because drama is exciting.
Do not be her dump.

I think Pep is right.

I think I might consider exposing to OMW to help OMW, and end the friendship, to help me.

You both make interesting points, and I'm now putting myself into a Spock-like non-emotional state to make a decision. Thank you.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Awww ... Pep! All women are NOT like that. But I agree that Krazy should probably stay out of it if his friend doesn't want him to get involved.

I've decided...to do nothing, for now. If my help isn't welcome, fine.

Good thinking. Sometimes we have to learn from our own mistakes - especially if we don't want help.

This is just a nosey question - are you interested in this chic are are you just a bud?

She's the type I would've been interested in, before multiple cheating scumbags ruined her. Now she has more baggage than a 747.

You aren't going to expose to the OMW? Why not? She doesn't know about the affair and your friend doesn't want her to know and is still talking to the OM?

This BW needs to know about this!