I haven't been on this site much in the past couple of weeks. Thought things were going so much better with my H that we were going to be able to work things out and have a good marriage. We had discussions before that I didn't want OW calling the house, he promised me that he would tell her. Didn't talk to him for 3 days the one time I found out, packed my bags the previous time before this time. Last night found out that he's still been calling OW and she still has been calling him. Also that he initiated some of these phone calls. Packed my bags for the 3rd time, kids got involved, it was such a mess. He told me that there were times when he looked at me that he really thought that he loved me but not all the time. I asked him if it was because of his guilt or because he still loved OW. He couldn't answer me, just said he didn't know. He doesn't think it could ever work out between us because of my lack of trust for him. I have had to *69 the phone to find these things out. Gave him a chance to be honest with me about her calling and he lied to me and I called him on it. He got totally pissed off and started throwing things around, That's when I decided to pack up. I told him that I wanted my self respect back. I wouldn't allow her to take that from me any more. He told me he hated me for what I was doing to "our family" and what I was doing to our kids. That I was being selfish, later retracted all of those statements. Came up to me crying and asked me if he was blowing it which I told him yes he was. How long do you put up with all of the nonsense. Why did I let them make me feel as if I had no right to know? I'm emotionally drained and completely barren right now. We took our rings off. I think he is going to leave today but not sure. I don't know what to do anymore and am not sure if I am strong enough to continue with all of this.

For me, I made the decision to resort to <BR>Plan B when I started to lose myself; my self-respect, self-esteem, my will to live. From what I can gather, Plan B is really designed for us, for our welfare. Because we have to start looking out for us; they certainly aren't! The decision to move on to Plan B is an individual one. Everyone has different tolerance levels. <P>Plan B is a gamble. That's what makes it so scary. The hope is that it will wake them up with a dose of reality. But, there is always the chance that it will drive them to OW, and they won't come back. Although, I do think the odds are in our favor that the fog will lift and they will return.<P>Good luck, and keep in touch.

Sidney, you gave pretty good advice.<P>If you can't do plan A anymore, then go to B for YOU. It may or may not affect his behavior with the OW, so beware.<P>But B is much better than withdrawals in the lovebank.<P>Sorry for the downturn in events.<BR>TNT

Thanks for all of the advice, we sat down yesterday and had a heart to heart. It is very hard to sit and listen about his feelings for the OW but I think it will make him feel closer to me if he can trust me with how he feels. He knows that his worlds are coming to a paradox now and soon they will collide. He also knows that you cannot make two women happy and give them what they need, You can only love one. With that I told him that he needs to do what he has to do. I also told him that I can deal with the truth but the lies hurt worse and I have a right to know what I am dealing with so that I can make the right decisions for myself and my children. I really still don't know where this is going to lead and I really think he wants an ultimatum to make his decision. Your advice is sound and I will keep it in mind when the time comes which may be sooner than I think. Thanks Guys