I think it is likely that crushed4x **EDIT** who opposes exposure, contrary to MB concepts, because he/she wishes to avoid it here for themself. Notice how how he/she refuses to disclose his/her "story" and reason for being here to scrutiny...a tell-tale sign of someone who is defending the indefensibe. I know that tactic well personally from past experience.

Mr/Ms Crushed, if you are not willing to be open & honest with your background and motivations, then please refrain from offering "advice" which your knowledge and experience does not qualify you to give. Unqualified EXPOSURE of infidelity w/o exception is a key and vital MB concept. Thank you for understanding and please proove me wrong if necessary.

Unless I am mistaken, the Policy of Radical Honesty is a Marriage Building concept intended to help couples stay in love with each other.


I have yet to read where Dr Harley has expanded Radical Honesty to the general population of persons known and (perhaps) unknown.

This is not to say that exposure to a third party is wrong or ill-advised. What I am saying is this. I have not read where Dr Harley advises "Radical Honesty" outside romantic relationships. If anyone has read this, please post the link.

This idea of transferring Marriage Builders concepts beyond the bonds of marriage has been discussed before.
In particular, it has been suggested that MB posters avoid "love-busters" when posting to each other.


Unless posters are trying to maintain love for other MB posters, I say this is a misuse of Dr Harley. I will behave independently from all of you, and I certainly hope you do likewise. This is not to say we should act uncivilly towards each other. The rules/guidelines for posting are in the "rules and guidelines".

I think it is ill-advised to tell others try and plug in Harley concepts where they were not intended. Unless YOU want to do that your own self.

As for Krazy's decision. I say to you Krazy, you might apply "How to stay in love" Marriage Building concept such as Radical Honesty toward non romantic relationships IF YOU WANT TO. Not because you think Dr Harley said to. I do not believe he said such a thing.

I respect the concepts too much to misuse them.

Hell, I do not apply "Radical Honesty" with my neighbors. And not with my relatives either. I work the Marriage Builders concept with my dear spouse because I believe Dr Harley's concepts are intended to help us stay in love.

Carry on ...........

I am not a troll.

*** HERE *** is some of my "story".

FYI here is the link to the MB TOS

KZ

Pure conjecture on my part. Intuition maybe?
This gal-pal of yours could be continuing this affair, in one way or another.
She's an OW now.
Insert all the typical OW thinking-babble.
"He's stuck in a bad situation."
"He plans to leave her sometime (soon)."
"If he loved his wife he would never have proposed to me."
"We are soul mates."
......

The usual pile ....



Have you ever met OM/MM?
Have you read the evidence with your own eyes? (be aware: emails & texts can be faked and sent to self)
Have you ever seen photos of them together?
Another possibility is your gal-pal is making stuff up.
She does sound a little screwy.
She may be the stalker.

Just stuff to consider.

Also, KZ ..... you have not witnessed a crime.
You have heard a description of events from a woman who is not entirely believable, and who has a dog in the fight.

I kinda feel like my responses started this mess. I am so sorry. I was just trying to put myself in place of the wife who was cheated on (because I have been in that position more times than I'd like to count even though he denies to this day all but one). I was just trying to figure out if I would have been better off if he had been exposed at the time. I never had proof of even the one affair until I filed divorce and he put it in the discovery papers. (because he couldn't remember which lie he had told. lol)

Someone here said my littlest person shouldn't figure into the factor (that I wouldn't have him had my ex been exposed) but I'm just having a hard time accepting that. Can you give me your reasoning?

I thought they were calling Crushed a troll not you. Priss is so confused. lol

I'm having trouble understand your question.
Could you please restate it more clearly?
Thanks.

Understand this.
I am a HUGE advocate of exposure of adultery.
It is the BETRAYED spouse's most effective tool for ending the affair.

I am saying that I am not aware of Dr Harley recommending his Marriage Building concepts be used outside the marriage. (ie: Radical Honesty)


EXPOSURE 101

Calling a poster a troll could be a violation of TOS.
I was being ironic.

((( Priss )))

I said this: I'm thinking though had I found out like this it would have destroyed me though. And I wouldn't have that precious little boy who has my heart. I'm just weighing it out.

Smiling Woman said this: whether or not you would now have your little boy shouldn't be a factor.

I was just asking clarification on her remark.

Thanks for the {{{HUGS}}} Lawd knows I need them. I thought you thought you were being called a troll. lol Blonde I am not but I act like it at times.

I have absolutely zero interest in what 'nationally recognized' organizations may have to say about this issue. There is enough evidence for exposure on this site alone from betrayed spouses who are stunned to learn of their wayward's betrayal. Salt is poured into their wound when they find out that others knew of the affair and decided not to share this knowledge with them. It is a double betrayal at that point.

Your hard work to use legalese to parse your posts does not impress me. The bottom line on this very emotional issue is made starkly plain in the posts of the betrayed spouses who come here. They ALWAYS feel doubly betrayed by the people who knew and chose to hide that part of the their reality from them. How DARE they make a decision like that!!

Using verbal calisthenics to push for hiding this 'nasty little secret' is disengenuous and lacks any cohesive binding when it is rolled out into a room filled with survivors of adultery. Touting 'nationally recognized organizations' will gain you no traction here. You are talking to the people in the trenches, crushed. We're the ones who've actually been on the battle lines. We don't need to hear fancy jargon and have statistics from the 'experts' quoted to us to tell us how we should feel. Actually, we (sadly) ARE the experts.

I'd like to hear your story, as well. Maybe it will cast some light upon the very old, very dangerous idea of hiding secrets from the very people who should know them.

We can twiddle about this until the cows come home, and the fact will continue to remain: the OP feels, based on his knowledge of his friend, that he has compelling evidence of the affair. He feels (quite rightly) that the innocent spouse deserves to have this knowledge. This isn't rocket science.

Pepperband...thank you for so eloquently and simply making the points I was trying to make so clumsily.
Prissana...I appreciate your sensitivity to the subject
SDCW...there may come a time and place I choose to tell my story,...you created a situational paradigm that is not within the marriage builder concepts because you have created the corralary that I have to earn the right to post by sharing my story...that is incorrect...and unless you are psychic you have no idea what my motivations are...and I see you were edited so should I ask you to refrain from posting.

This is not your thread to make such a request, although you may certainly request that SDCW not post to YOU. If you start your own thread and prefer that certain posters not post to you, you can make your preference known at that point.

Just a little housekeeping note for you

I own my point.
Make your own. TOS

I'm going to t/j this thread long enough to answer this. I didn't see the original comment, but I think I know the point you were attempting to make.

If your WH had been exposed, the path of your marriage may not have ended in divorce. Your little guy would still be here. You are speculating about an outcome that didn't happen.

End t/j.

Maritalblisss...if you have an opportunity please review the thread where you object to my using the term national organizations...it was in a response to a note left to me on this thread that had been deleted from another thread and nothing to do with exposure...and I apologize if the way I write and words I choose make you uncomfortable but as long as I am not impolite or inappropriate...as for housekeeping...I used the incorrect verbiage and should have said offer advice as he said to me...thank you for correcting me.
Pepperband...I did and do but I still allow for the concept of thanks
There is a certain amount of vitriol here that is unfathomable and confuses me. A conversation where I have had a differing position but within the concepts as supported by pepperband's thread has led to significant negative discourse aimed at me and had my motives questioned. And, it seems if I don't share my story my motives are inappropriate and my comments are without merit except fot negative criticism regardless if I am on point. Interesting.

That hit me after I typed it out. Dur! lol However, ex is a compulsive liar and a cheat (I truly feel sorry for his new wife - crazy huh?). But I gave him many chances to change so you are probably right that the littlest person would still be in my life. I don't know how the ending would have turned out had I had PROOF of his infidelity.

KZ - I'm thread-jacking.
Tell me if you want me to stop.


There was a time when MelodyLane was being harangued for "Not following MB principles" because she used DISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS regarding the affair partner or an active wayward from time to time.

Those finger-wagging posts went something like this:

"You preach MB principles but you don't follow them because you are being DISRESPECTFUL when you say adulterers rut like pigs in the mud."

No kidding.
They were like a posse trying to corral Mel in and get her to stop being DISRESPECTFUL to stupid waywards..... They were relentless. They were on a mission to get Mel to follow anti-love busting rules on the forum.

Me ~~~> "Oy-vey"

Mel finally just used her sense of humor. "I'm sorry I was being disrespectful .... to the pigs."

Harley clearly states why DISRESPECTFUL JUDGMENTS are on his love-buster list. If Mel had been courting the MB forum posse in hopes they might fall in love with her .... she missed the mark!

My point:

MB Basic Concepts are intended to build Marriages.

If you or I (anyone) decides to employ those concepts elsewhere outside the marriage relationship, it is a personal decision, not Dr Harley advice.

If I am wrong, link to show me.

You are correct. You do not HAVE to tell your story to post but be prepared for folks to give your posts little weight around here. We don't play games and your lack of openness and honesty is a huge red flag.

What you DO have to do is post "advice" based on MB as you agreed to do when you signed up for membership. Posting is a privilege, not a right. Eleoquent words have no value if the meaning is to do harm. So far, every one of your posts are antagonistic and argumentative. You won't be around for very long if you keep that up. Just sayin.

BTW, you sound very familiar to me.