Due to my affair and resistance to change, my husband and I recently divorced. We had serious communication problems that led to my affair. Even though he gave me every chance to change, I chose divorce. (We had been married over four years; and up until the last year had a wonderful marraige, with the exception that he hadn't made a deposit in the love bank in years.) I realized very quickly that this was not what I should have done or even wanted. And, would love to reconcile. We live in separate cities (and have for some time - that helped lead to some of our problems). I am going to his city and have asked him to see me. He has agreed. My question is this: after my horrific behavior, what can I possibly say to promote reconciliation?

<BR>Just a suggestion:<P>Start out by being a good friend. That's usually how most marriages begin.<P>Good luck to you. Sometimes we don't realize how much we have until it's gone. <BR>

I agree. <P>After being betrayed, divorced and then continuing to date my X husband, his unwillingness to honesty prevented our reconcilliation. <P>So, I would also suggest to add honesty to the friendship. Don't blame your spouse, but be honest if the questions arise.<P>

VP,<P>A question or two...four? What are you willing to give up to reconcile? How important is this to you? Are you willing to move to "his" city and live with him? Are you willing to tell him about your guilty feelings, other things? Are you willing to admit to your role in this? Do you see things in him that you did not see before? If things really haven't changed, what do you propose to do/use to convince him that they have changed enough for both of you to avoid previous behavior?<P>In my mind I guess other than the traits already listed by the others are you willing to be an enthusiastic spouse? I am of the opinion that enthusiasm for a situation goes a long way in getting where you want to be.<P>Sorry more questions than answers, since I obviously don't know enough details. However, you must get over the walls he has built to protect himself from you. Then and only then can you get down the real work of making a relationship that you both want to be in.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>P.S. I agree with Sidney and TnT. Friendship and honesty are the two major things to be accomplished before you can really rebuild.

> what can I possibly say to promote <BR>> reconciliation? <P>Any guy will instantly see what is wrong<BR>with this picture. The word "say".<P>The question should be what can I possibly<BR>"do" "wear" "not wear" or "what fantasy<BR>of his can I possibly act out" or "how<BR>should I spank him" or something to that<BR>effect to promote reconciliation?<P>99 times out of 100 if a guy has an affair<BR>he's after the sex he wasn't getting at home.<P>