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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 484
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 484
How could he tell me after discovery (no suprise) that he would end it with OW (27 years old) and that he wanted reconciliation?<BR>H is 46 (I am 44) we have everything materially and are both financially sound. We have 4 children with all their costs of school & college education and issues of 4 teenagers husband did not want this any more. So he has no financial problems, is very successful in his own right and yet wants no part of "real" living but wants to be happy...with a woman who had a daughter at 17 who lost custody to the father (they were not married). H does not waqnt to pay realistically for kids to continue in the way they have been indulged as he now needs his money for the lifestyle he feels he deserves and has earned and he feels that since I have resources, he does not have to contribute in any realistic way. <P>He has told our children that when he is with her he is so happy. How can this be a level playing field. It is like comparing apples and oranges. A woman with no resources who he has "bought", a woman with no brain, a woman with no responsibilities, a woman who cannot do anything other than cater to his needs providing he is the provider. How did he expect me to compete. No matter what this was not a level playing field. These "needs" of his could never have been met by me........<BR>What and who I am would never have fulfilled his "happiness qoutient" at this time in his life as I am not a young woman with no responsibilities, nor would I leave the kids to their own devices to fulfill my hedonistic pleasures. I will always be "there" for our children in a way he has never been and he plays uncle dad. <BR>The kids condone his behaviour in that he is their dad and they love him(they do not respect this facet of his life) but he has been able to sell them a bill of goods in that one should follow a dream no matter what and this makes me so frustrated.<P>He also told me at the beginning that he wanted reconciliation but despite telling me that the OW was gone, this I found out was a lie and the rollercoaster of emotional hell I went through from Jan til June makes me so mad. (the subterfuge was part of the adolescent "trip and he is too much of a moral and human coward to have spelt it out for me, so that i went along..plan a, plan b until I could no longer -- he was mentally abusive in every way, putting hurdles in my way so that I had to make the distasteful decision-- Prince Charming with a tongue of thorns to me) <BR>In the last 2 weeks he is now public with her (he needs a woman who will love him for his bankaccount and adore him as a G-d and make him feel young again!!!!! and my children accept this and have no problem in that "dad" is happy. They dump on me becos I am here for them in an honest, moral envoronment and they know I will not run away when the going gets tough, but they are scared that if they voice their displeasure to him, he will cut them off. This leaves me SO very hurt. I am weighted down by all this and realize that NO MATTER WHAT I HAD DONE, plan a, plan B etc, he wanted to be free in a way that most people in committed relationships only occasionally fantasize about. HOW PATHETIC FOR HIM AND HOW PAINFUL FOR ME AND KIDS.<P>The men/ women who go through this MLC are so damaged and their needs often are so out of synch with "former life (not only spouse) that it is virtually impossible to "put it back together again.<P>

Joined: Feb 1999
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willbok--<P>Your income is separate?<P>Whatever happens, DO hold him accountable for his part in raising your children and expenses. Take him to court.<P>Others can give you more info. on statistics, etc. than I can...but H's and OW's ages prove to be a generation gap. He may grow tired of it soon, and wish to return to you....sounds like he's going through a mid-life crisis!

Joined: Aug 1999
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Lucks, thanks for the reply. <BR>As my moniker suggests, i will be O.K......eventually and hopefully in (19)99!!!!<BR>I am trying to hold him responsible and it is costing a fortune in legal fees (which I can fortunately afford ) My therapist even told me that I will not "get to a good place for me" if i walk away. I have to weigh it all up BUT...yes, some of my income (actually gifted to me or inherited by me is separate) but I gave him megabucks 4 years ago to invest in his co. (which is doing very well) in his name to 'grow for our family" This I will walk away from and pray that he keps it safe for our children (if i cannot get this done legally)<P>He still has not paid a court order of "interim, interim support from the 14 Oct and tells all that he is "looking after his children" Will not pay USA college fees for one child which are very high. <BR>Knew I would not let the kids return to schools in Sept without paying their fees . (why should they suffer due to their parents disputes???) <BR>The kids correctly do not want to know all the details and do not from me. He is a charming and slick operator and can sell anything and make you feel that you got a bargain.<P>He does not know how to parent in any meaningful way (was and is a "fun" dad and not much else to the kids and they have told me , no matter what that they know that i have been there to parent them while he never has and as they get older, I think that they will see this more objectively and appreciatively, but no matter what i love them unconditionally and believe that i have thier best interests at heart and that is the bottom line for me.<P>Yes this is a mid life crisis. What will he do when he can no longer purchase his happiness???? What an unrealistic life and I now view this as so sad and pathetic.

Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 484
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OP Offline
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 484
Lucks, thanks for the reply. <BR>As my moniker suggests, i will be O.K......eventually and hopefully in (19)99!!!!<BR>I am trying to hold him responsible and it is costing a fortune in legal fees (which I can fortunately afford ) My therapist even told me that I will not "get to a good place for me" if i walk away. I have to weigh it all up BUT...yes, some of my income (actually gifted to me or inherited by me is separate) but I gave him megabucks 4 years ago to invest in his co. (which is doing very well) in his name to 'grow for our family" This I will walk away from and pray that he keps it safe for our children (if i cannot get this done legally)<P>He still has not paid a court order of "interim, interim support from the 14 Oct and tells all that he is "looking after his children" Will not pay USA college fees for one child which are very high. <BR>Knew I would not let the kids return to schools in Sept without paying their fees . (why should they suffer due to their parents disputes???) <BR>The kids correctly do not want to know all the details and do not from me. He is a charming and slick operator and can sell anything and make you feel that you got a bargain.<P>He does not know how to parent in any meaningful way (was and is a "fun" dad and not much else to the kids and they have told me , no matter what that they know that i have been there to parent them while he never has and as they get older, I think that they will see this more objectively and appreciatively, but no matter what i love them unconditionally and believe that i have thier best interests at heart and that is the bottom line for me.<P>Yes this is a mid life crisis. What will he do when he can no longer purchase his happiness???? What an unrealistic life and I now view this as so sad and pathetic.


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