**edit**

A reminder to posters that the purpose of this forum is to help posters with Marriage Builder's solutions. Sharing personal philosophies that conflict with Dr. Harley's views causes confusion and disruption. Please help this poster with MB solutions or refrain from posting. Thank you.

Update - We went out for dinner last night and it was great for the main part. 3 hours of UA. Lots of chat, some abot us some not. But something happened that worried the hell out of me.

I mention sending something in the post to my mum at the weekend. I say "remind me to that at the weekend" at this point she starts to look really distant and I can see her thinking. It's all a bit strange. I say "what's on the mind, you've suddenly gone quiet" "lots of things are on my mind" she replies and then changes the subject.

It was very awkward for a few seconds.

A massive black cloud seemed to gather over me. I think she is going to leave at the weekend.

I didn't have the guts to ask her outright. I'm too petrified of the answer.

The rest of the night went really well and we did have fun, however, I coudn't stop thinking about the weekend. I'm really losing my mind here. Mentally I'm preparing for the worst.

Not sure what to do.

CleanShirt,

have you ruled out the possibility that she might have an affair?

Mel, here:

.

CleanShirt's first post in this thread.

I really can't be sure either way. There is no suspicious behaviour but you never can tell. I guess I'll find out at the weekend.

Do you have an access to her computer and phone?

There are many things in her behaviour that might indicate that she is having an affair.

- she says she is not in love with you. She might get her needs met elsewhere and is in love with someone else.
- she says that indipendence is one of her top wants. In order to get those needs met outside of the marriage, one needs a lifestyle independent from you.
- she is somewhat depressed. She is conflicted, she knows what she is doing is wrong.

Of course, I would be glad when you find out that she is not having an affair. But when she is, then this is your first target.

But you have to find out. Start snooping.

I agree with MrsRecon. I would quietly do some sleuthing and find out if she is having an affair.

Urgh. She left on Saturday AM. She was packed and ready to go on Friday but she waited for me to get home from work. We talked all friday night and she decided to sleep on it. Friday night we slept in seperate beds for the first time ever.

Saturday AM, she decided to leave. I couldn't watch her go so I left the house first to go to a friends.

Before she left she said she didn't think it was over. She needed time a space to get her head together.

But that could be bull.

In my mind it's over.

Don't know what to do.

Need for time
Need for space
We talked all friday night and she decided to sleep on it. She said she didn't think it was over.

You may twist your hands and find reasons not to do what is inevitable, but you have to find out about her affair.

I was wayward some time ago, I know that time is needed for spending it with other man, space is needed to spend time with other man. I would need to sleep on my decision to leave and say that it is not over because I need my husband for certain needs and I need my OM for certain other needs, I'm not ready to give them up or won't for that matter, because I like my cake and eating it, too.

Get yourself together and find out what is going on in your life.

I would also click on Notify and ask moderators to move your thread to Surviving an Affair section. You will get more responses there.

So sorry, cleanshirt. But MrsRecon is right, there are lots of red flags here. I would start doing some digging and see who she is having an affair with.

I would definitely go with the affair now.
No way, a woman will leave her house, husband and everything becaus he is a little controlling. She has been comparing you to her affair partner and was gaslighting you so that you would seek fault within yourself.

If you follow her from where she works or can get someone else to do it, it should not be difficult to find out who the affair partner is.

And look at her cell phone bills, bank accounts, anything that you can find.
look for evidence, because you will want to expose the affair if you want to kill it.

1
Don't let on that you are on to her. Gather info silently.

2
Plan to expose this once you have enough. Don't tell anyone, and do not (if you speak to her tell her about MB)

3
In the mean time, read up on plan A and B on this website and ask click notifiy so that ths thread will be moved to the 'affair' section.


I am sorry you have been treated like this.

May God bless you and give you wisdo and strength.

Happyheart