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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 18 |
hi,to all the ww's a question, after your affair was over did you have trouble finding passion for your husband in your sex life ? did you compare what you had with what you now have ? and how long did it take for the passion to return ?
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
You have been told on your own thread that your wife is still trigerred by sporadic contact with OM.
You can hardly expect her to respond to you while she is comparing a highly addictive, dramatic, dopamine fuelled relationship with her marriage.
If you want MB advice, you have it.From both former WWs and vets
If you want non MB advice you could just make it up as you go along, choosing whatever is most convenient
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Yes, I just checked your last thread and the situation you describe is not "NC".
If your WW even just sees OM around town, driving by, etc, it is going to trigger the addictive thoughts and feelings and make it impossible for her to get through withdrawal and fall back in love with you. It also puts her at very high risk for rekindling the A.
You were advised to move away from OM. Dr Harley has also advises this when living close to or in the same town as the OP. Is this something you have started making plans to do yet?
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 33
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 33 |
She needs not to see him. I did an NC with my OW. I didn't see her for a month, then saw her. Boom, that triggered memories.
Do what the others have mentioned - she has to go NC. If you've done the reading you have to spend a LOT of time with WW. You do that and things will start to return to normal.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
She needs not to see him. I did an NC with my OW. I didn't see her for a month, then saw her. Boom, that triggered memories.
Do what the others have mentioned - she has to go NC. If you've done the reading you have to spend a LOT of time with WW. You do that and things will start to return to normal. Yes elimate all triggers of OM - sightings/gifts/places/mementos Then spend 25 hours a week plus UA time. You have to do the work, this wont go away by itself. BTW, click 'notify' and ask the mods to merge your threads. If you split the threads, people wont bother posting advice because they have to flip to the other thread to get a handle on your situation. You will get more traffic on the one thread, and then all your advice will be in one place.  Take care and good luck in recovery once you get started.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 270
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 270 |
Listen to everyone. As a WW, I cannot allow myself to "check up on him" in any way. She has to write a NC letter and get rid of everything. She needs to avoid all places that remind her of him. She needs to stay away from ANYTHING or ANYONE who reminds her of POSOM.
I am a WW.......believe me when I tell you that the "high" that indie girl described to you cannot be competed with.
Your wife has to get out of the fog and through withdrawl before her passion for you can return.
Me: WW41
Hubby: BH40...My Amazing forgiving man (CharpyTest)
DD: 8 DS: 8 DD: 6
EA/PA: 3 years
May 25, 2011 (Formal NC letter sent)
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 16
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 16 |
Hi. I know this is not what MB members would say, but I would just tell you from my experience.
I'm a WW.. i had an emotional affair with my best friend that ended on us having sex... after it happened I told my husband..
since then (2 months) I have had no contact with the OM, but me and my H have been talking lots about it.. my passion for my husband has not diminished, maybe it even increased.. but our sex life has been having some troubles, he told me it is hard for him because he thinks of me with the OM and the desire vanishes... so we're working on it.. I don't pressure him and we go as far as he wants to.. i think it's working
hope i can help you.
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