First - this is my first time posting - if this doesn't come across as it should, my apologies.

I just discovered a 'contract' more like a deal, between my wife and someone she has casually dismissed as a salesman who sells odd items, bags,clothes, used cars etc. The contract indicates my wife loaned "Joe" $2000 - to be repaid monthly at 100-200 or more. She has barely known Joe for a year.

Earlier in our marriage, we lived in separate towns because of work, for 8 months beginning in November 2010 through end of June 2011. During this period - my wife was introduced to Joe and purchased a used vehicle from him - which happened to to be a lemon � followed by a second one which was also a lemon! I returned to our town at the beginning of July, 2011 and promptly bought us a new car. We then went on a family vacation abroad at the beginning of August 2011- she returned after 3 weeks at the end of August � and I had to remain through the middle of October 2011. However, on the first weekend that I returned in October - Joe called our house � and when I inquired about the call � she indicated that she had returned the first vehicle she bought to Joe � who had in turn resold it to another person � and this third person had received a ticket since the car was still registered to my wife � and hence the call - to sort out the ticket. That was the only reason she called him/he called back. Hmmm�ok.
I thought this was odd so I checked the phone records � and discovered that in the month of September while I was away � there were over 60 calls/texts between them � sometimes 4 to 5 calls per day, mostly initiated by my wife. I had no idea of that level of contact. They obviously went underground. In December of 2011, I see the loan of funds contract for $2000 � crudely initialed by both on Dec 11. She had never mentioned his name since October � so I investigated her phone records again and confirmed that calls/contact between them has been ongoing behind my back, 3-4 per week which are made once she leaves the house. Funds were transferred/loaned just this past December on a Sunday. Curious thing is � on Saturday Dec 10th, we went to a party where while I was mingling with people, at some point she called him. When we returned home on Saturday night � we got into such a fight � over the fact that I had used an old t-shirt used to clean the bathroom floor to shine my shoes!� a month prior in November!! This was a ruse � so she could take off on the Sunday morning by herself. Well, she did�at 11:30am � same time we leave for church every Sunday. Only this time she did not go to church per phone records. She went to meet Joe and give him the $$$, and in order to create an alibi, she passed through the church bookstore and purchased 2 books.
I imagine one has to spend a considerable amount of time with someone in order to loan/give them $2000, especially someone who has sold her two lemons, to develop the kind of trust that allows the transfer of such $$$ amounts.
I don�t know what to think � except being hurt at the knowledge that this man is receiving thousands from my wife behind my back while my $150 credit card bills go unpaid!!
What am I dealing with here???

Welcome to Marriage Builders, FM.

Have you considered snooping to try to determine the level of this relationship? My first piece of advice would be to install a VAR in her car, as well as a GPS device. (Without her knowledge, obviously.)Yes, loaning someone that much cash is odd, but I think you need a little more info than you have right now. Is this guy a professional car salesman? As far as the texts: Used car guys are salesman. He may have been talking to your WW about replacements for the junkers he sold her. You don't know this yet.

I am a suspicious person by nature, but I think you need a little more info on this before you confront your wife.

How long have you been married? Do you have any children?

At minimum, you are dealing with a very dishonest wife who is leading an independent lifestyle.

Click on the link for Newly Betrayed spouses in my signature, and read through the thread. It will help guide you through the site, and help you answer some questions that we need to help you.

Welcome to marriage builders, and sorry you are here.

Have you checked out the Operation Investigate forum? It will help you to initiate snooping techniques on your wife, as they are sorely needed to find out what you are dealing with here.

Do you know who Joe is? Do you know his last name? Is he married?

You said "earlier in our marriage" that you had to live in separate towns because of work... November 2010 through the end of June 2011."

I take it from this statement that you guys have not been married long. Right?

The first thing you need to do if you're still living apart is to get back home. Living apart in a marriage is a recipe for disaster, especially in a young marriage. It sounds as if she is not living as a married woman and has become accustomed to independent behavior. She is making important decisions without you.

At the least, this guy sounds like a con man. At the worst, he's a con man who's having an affair with your wife. Is he married? What do you know about him?

Before you confront her, gather your intel. Check out the investigation forums for ideas about how to do this.

Keep your suspicions quiet for now and get a plan. You will confront her but with positive proof in hand. Don't tell her about this site just now, it's your secret weapon.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. We'll help you figure this out and if it IS an affair, how to blow it up so you can begin to recover your marriage if you choose.

FMonty this just does not pass the "smell test". You have some investigating to do. I am sorry you are here but you will receive the best advise to save your marriage here.

Hi FMonty, your wife is having an affair. I would hire a PI and get the goods. Don't accuse her and don't ask. Just ask normal and hire and PI. Then come back here and we will tell you next steps.

Your living apart has been a disaster to your marriage and I would start thinking how you can change that.

We lived apart through the end of June 2011 and I have since returned back home. I am just finding stuff out as time moves on. Thanks for your time and advice!

Weld...my sentiments exactly. This being done 'on the down low' so to speak is what has my alarm bells going off! I will continue with my investigation for now. Thanks.

Yes you are correct about ours being a young marriage...quite frankly we've been married one and a half years. We no longer live apart - but what I tend to think, being a suspicious person is that if this is happening - how long and what else don't I know?

Your advice is well taken. I will continue to check on what's going on - including the weekly calls between them. I haven't yet confronted her - however, since my discovery I fin'd it absolutely impossible to trust her. I know I have become distant and withdrawn - and can't help it. That's the tough part.

Thanks for your time!

Scotland - thanks! I am sorry that I am here but that's life! I do not know who Joe is - but have been aware that my wife bought 2 cars from him - I have never met him. Yes, I do know his last name and have checked on marriage records in the State which indicate that he is married. There are no divorce records, at least I could not find any - so there's no telling if he is still married or not.

I will check out the link you provided...thanks for your time!

FMonty, I would start doing some more research on this OM. Find his home address and phone #, his wife's name, and see if he has a facebook page. If he has a facebook page, copy and paste his contacts into a WORD doc for safekeeping.

No - this guy is not a professional car salesman - No. He's most likely purchasing used vehicles at auction are reselling them - including a bunch of other stuff - from his home. I understand about contacting my wife to replace the lemons he sold her - but then it makes no sense for her to STILL be dealing with this man after that by 'loaning' him $2000.

We have been married barely a year and a half and she has a teenage daughter from a previous relationship - right now its just the three of us.

I will gather more intel - this seems to be the central advice from the other posters - and it is well taken.

Okay - sorry for being so naive - a VAR would be a voice activated recorder?

Yes, and if you go to the Operation Investigate forum you can get some pointers. I would also put spyware on her phone and her computer. We can give you tips on that if you tell us what kind of phone she has.

I have found out his full name - oh and his telephone number obviously. I am not sure that the address I pulled online is accurate since there are a few listed under the same name all around where we live. Unfortunately, or fortunately - he has no presence on any social network - but I have an email.

You guys are great...thanks for the advice.

...thanks. Now that you mention phones...What's odd is that soon as I returned home - she changed carriers and phone and went to a clunker of a phone that's as basic as they come SAMSUNG t259.

Is that a smart phone? And can you access the phone bill?

What about her computer? How does she communicate with the OM? And WHEN?

No...it is not a smart phone - which is why I mentioned that it was odd to go from a smartphone to what she currently has. Anyway - no worries, I have recently managed to log into her account online and can see usage data. The calls take place whenever she leaves the house - never when she's at home, mostly in the afternoon, and sometimes when she's at work at night. There are no super late night calls though.

Gotcha. I would save the bills in a safe place. Get a VAR in her car or any other place where she would be talking to him. AND get a GPS on her car. Get zoombak GPS at Radio Shack and go to Bestbuy and get a VAR. Here is a thread where edsway explains how to install the VAR. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2586184#Post2586184

What about her computer? Does she talk to him over the computer?? Have you searched her emails?

thanks for the link. I have not been able to confirm if they are communicating via emails or any other way via the computer. There are numerous times when she takes the laptop with her to work - but then again she is currently in school taking online classes. What's your advice about getting to her laptop?

At the very least her behavior is beyond fishy...If I should find no further incriminating evidence, when is the best time to confront her?

DO NOT CONFRONT HER YET. Not even if you find PILES of evidence.

You will expose the affair, after you have your evidence, and she'll confront you about that.