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I have been married for 4 years. I hate my husband. He has an anger issue. He yells and punches things when he is angry. He also puts his hand in my face when we are arguing. He says I dont submit and he cant tell me what to do. He says I don't respect him. Has this behavior in front of my daughter. I never get to express how I feel. He also curses. He says he is a Christian. But his behavior says something else. I can admit I don't like being told what to do but do I deserve to be treated this way as a result?
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Hi Christina, welcome to MB  No, you do not deserve to be treated that way! I suggest you click the "notify" button and ask the mods to move your thread to MB101. Not many people visit the Women's Bible Study forum, but there are a lot of good people on MB101 who can help you.
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Have you read the Basic Concepts yet?
Do you have the book "Love Busters"? Get it and read the chapter on Angry Outbursts. When your husband has an Angry Outburst, he is temporarily insane and NOT safe to be around.
Is there any physical abuse at this point?
Do you think he would be willing to protect you by learning to get his anger under control? If he is not willing, then he is not safe to continue living with.
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Joined: Jan 2012
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I did read basic concept s, yes. I dont have Love Busters though. He has never hit me but he had gotten angry to the point where he pounded the computer desk and broke it while I was typing in anger and split my fingernail. He does not think he needs help. He says I need to do what I am supposed to do and he would not yell. He does not think he has an anger problem.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,820 Likes: 7
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Christina, if your husband is so angry that he is breaking things, this is very serious. He is incorrect to say that you are making him yell. He needs to learn to control his anger so well that no matter what happens to him he does not lose his temper. If he is so out of control that he is breaking things, it is not safe for you to be with him.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,820 Likes: 7
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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,820 Likes: 7
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If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Dr. Harley and his wife Joyce have a free daily radio show and would be happy to take you as a caller and tell you what you can do about your situation. They will even send you a copy of Love Busters free for calling in. In fact, they will probably be happy to help you get further help after the show: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.htmlHere's the email address to get in touch with Joyce Harley: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Has there been any affair on either of your parts?
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Every time Same lost his temper, he was punishing Jill. This was doubly painful for Jill -- she not only suffered from his punishing anger but also from the shocking realizations that he was trying to hurt her. The man who had committed himself to her protection had become her greatest threat.
Why do couples destroy the love they have for each other with angry outbursts? In most cases, the problem begins with the false assumption that their spouse must do this or that for them. Control is ultimately behind every angry outburst.
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Angry outbursts in marriage should be avoided at all costs, because they represent an extreme form of abuse. And a mistake of the other spouse should never be viewed as an excuse. While eliminating the conditions that tend to trigger an angry outburst makes them much easier to control, you should learn to avoid losing your temper regardless of what he or she does. This means that when you feel irritated, instead of venting your anger, you walk away. You leave the situation that's causing you to be angry, even if it means leaving your spouse for awhile.
If you find that you can't guarantee your spouse's safety because you can't control your temper, then you shouldn't be with your spouse until you can guarantee that safety. In many of the situations I've encountered, I've encouraged a couple to physically separate until the spouse that has a bad temper can learn to control that temper to such a degree that avoiding an angry outburst can be guaranteed 100%. This is particularly true in cases where an angry outburst threatens a spouse's physical safety.
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Your husband, and your husband alone controls whether or not he is angry. Not you. Nothing you do ever warrants him yelling at you.
Your husband will need to accept that he has an anger problem.
He will need to commit to a plan to overcome them.
Dr. Harley's book Love Busters outlines a wonderful plan.
If that plan doesn't work, there are anger management programs that can be used.
If he refuses to do any of this, your marriage will only get worse. His abuse will probably only get worse.
I agree with Markos that it would be a good idea for you to write Dr. Harley on his radio show.
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Joined: Jan 2012
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No affairs. He has an awful temper. It is getting worse. Thanks tor your words of wisdom. I will call into the radio show. The artiicles were so helpful.
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