My wh has been in an affair for 2.5 years. Now stating that it is over and he does not want her at all.
But, he wants to get a divorce because he never wanted to be married and he married me to make me happy. He told me that he wants to stay together the way we were before for 13yrs before we got married, sorta start over and see how it goes.
We have been together for almost 18 years. Married almost 5.
He was also very lovin last night... telling me he loves me, I will always be his, there is no one else, I am beautiful and sexy.
I am so confused. I dont want a divorce but he has been all over the place the last few years, his thinking is completely twisted with values adn morals.
Does this happen? I dont think he will file he wants me to do all the leg work. He said we just don't click anymore and it is true because he will not talk about what he did or is still doing and he wont see a IC.
Please help me can this work? What is he thinking. I love him so much

Who is the OW? Is she married? Does he work with her?

Sweetie, I'm sorry you've had to find your way here. Your husband wants the other woman (OW) and YOU. He can't have both.

Give us some background - who is this tramp? Do they work together?

Stay with us. It can be debilitating to find out that your husband is unfaithful. We'll help you.

He wants to keep having sex with both you and the other woman.
First, you need to acknowledge that you have NO control over his actions.
Second, you need to expose his affair to everyone close to him and the other womans fanmily and friends. FOLLOW THE EXPOSURE INSTRUCTIOMS given on this forum, they will guide you properly.

You also need to be tested for STDs. Hopefully he hasn't given you AIDS.

He swears it been over and he DOES NOT want her, says he wants no one.
She works for the same school district. She is not married. Her family knows, people know. So it does not matter.
What I wonder if there might be another now. He will not talk to me. Just keeps stating we don't click.
The affair it self has been in my face for 2.5 years, all I get is that they are just friends. blah blah...But he would bring gifts home, money from her.
They like to hang at strip clubs and bars together. She is a single mom. She has slept with so many other co workers and others and that is why he says he wants nothing to do with her like that. But who knows the truth. Cause I dont.
I have notice this however,
He is home more, he doesn't have his phone attached to his hip, he leaves it laying around. He is home early if he does goes hang. And he use to never denie anyting really when they were hot and heavey. So that is why I wonder if there is a new OW or someone he is thinking about? I remember him telling me that he would never have another affair again, unless we were not together.
What I don't understand is why he is doing this to me of all people. The history we have together is like it just slipped out of his mind, and he uses all this lame excuses as to why we should get a divorce. He wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. It makes no sense.
Last night we were fighting over the house. Why would I have to leave when we have two kids and our daughter is going to have a baby next month. I can't put 3 of us and a baby in a apartment. Makes sense for him to leave.
Why is God allowing this to happen? Why do I feel so unloveable. I use to be his queen adn he loved me so much adn then adn now I am nothing.

FL,

She works for the same school district.

Document everything expose widely, frequently school districts have websites where the email addresses of teachers and admin. can be found.

The affair it self has been in my face for 2.5 years, They like to hang at strip clubs and bars together.

That's torture, hire a PI and get photos of them at the strip club.

She is a single mom.

Expose to her kids.

God Bless
Gamma

I don't think expouser will do anything because they have been seen together. And now he wants a divorce also. I should have done this years ago but I was scared to lose him all together. I thought he would snap out of it. He knows she is a tramp and that is why he will never have anything to do with her as far as a relationship. I know she was putting demands on him for a long time and he would not leave me but I guess I dont understand now why he wants to divorce me? After all this time? I dont get it. Maybe he just doesn't want to be married. Maybe he feels he is missing out on life cause he is tied to me and he is wanting to find someone else other than OW and I. Start fresh cause he caused so much crap.
Should I just divorce him and get out and let him have his life sense he told me he is so unhappy and I make him that way?

My wife said the VERY SAME THING...."Maybe we could date and be boyfriend and girlfriend..."

You're right, it doesnt make any sense. Keep the marriage bar high, dont let his scummy ways bring down YOUR STANDARDS

Do you want to be married to him?
Try the MB Plan before agreeing to a divorce. That way you can say you gave it an honest try.

Or if you dont want to be married to him then get divorced.

Either way, there are good tools you can use in the MB Plan

I don't see any reason why you should leave. You didn't have an affair. He wants a divorce, let him leave.

How long have ya'll been married?



The following came out of a Divorce Care email I got. It has really helped me to realize that *I* didn't do this, ex did. It has nothing to do with me being unlovable but everything to do with him being selfish.

"I remember feeling very ugly, unlovable, undesirable as a woman, unsuccessful, a total washout as a human being, and a complete failure," admits Marie.

Dr. Archibald Hart suggests that you identify your underlying beliefs about yourself and eliminate the ones that are not true.

"Beneath many of your depressions is a belief," says Dr. Hart. "You may be thinking, Because I am divorced, I am not a worthwhile person. Because I am divorced, no one's really going to care for me or love me or respect me. Because I'm divorced, I'm a failure, and if I have one failure in my life, then my whole life is a failure. These are called irrational beliefs. They have no basis in reality, and they need to be challenged because if you don't challenge and deal with them, you will feed your depression by these faulty beliefs."

In the Bible, Satan is referred to as the "father of lies." He will whisper lies to you, hoping that you will begin to believe them.