My SIL is recently divorced. I don�t know all the specifics, but do know that a major factor in the dissolution of her marriage was that she hooked up with an old flame via, you guessed it, Facebook a few years ago and became embroiled in an emotional affair.

This past Christmas season was the big �introduction� of her new love, traveling with him to spend Christmas holidays with the family. I view this as the classic �look what I found� scenario, where my SIL brought her AP out of the closet following her divorce. I would have nothing to do with SIL�s AP, going so far as to disallow Christmas festivities at my house since SIL and AP were in town.

Now, it seems SIL has moved in with AP and they plan to get married.

SIL has a 16 YO son (currently living with his father) that she�s bringing to the US when he graduates HS this year. For some reason, her son is not moving in with her and AP directly. Either he does not want to move in with them right away, or there are issues with blending the families since AP has children of his own.

Yesterday, my wife asked me if SIL�s son could come to live with us when he first moves to the US. There are a few reasons our home is the desired choice: 1) we have a son who is within a few weeks of being the same age as SIL�s son; they are fast-friend cousins and get along very well. 2) We are the only ones on her side of the family that interact daily almost exclusively in English; the saturation would greatly aid his adjustment. 3) When he was here visiting last year, he expressed that I was the best cook he found in the United States and always wanted to come to our house to eat

So, it seems there�s a disconnect between when SIL�s son will be moving to the US, and when SIL and her �new-found love� (quotations enclose dripping sarcasm) will be ready to integrate him into the household.

I�m a little torn. On one hand, I�m not inclined to do anything that will aid the two infidels in propping up their family-destroying fantasy. They should have to fully immerse themselves into the family-blending difficulties they created when they started their illicit on-line relationship. On the other hand, it might do the kid good to live in a household with a positive, loving environment, exposing him to the highly-strengthened relationship between my wife and I. At this point, I really believe that we present a positive model of what a marriage should be.

So, which side would you come down on? Make them sleep in the bed they made regardless of the impact to SIL�s son, or give the kid a break and let him stay with us while the illicit lovers get their affairage into some semblance of order?

This right here. This is what I would do. To hell with the affairees and whether or not they're getting their love nest in order. Your home and its structure may well be a critical, positive element for this child.

If you and Mrs OWH POJA this, and you agree, why not?

I say this ..... the SIL and the Himbo (male bimbo) are never allowed in your house.
Screw them.

I'm with the above. I'd also let them know that you are doing it so that they can see what a marriage is supposed to look like rather than what it is not and that the AP is never allowed in your house.

Have to admit: I was leaning toward the hard-nosed approach, but my heart's been breaking for that boy. He's taking the divorce hard and, I can tell, holding it against his mother. He KNOWS what happened. The rest of the family is turning away their eyes and telling themselves SIL's and POSOMIL's relationship is none of their business. This is what my wife told me.

I told her it becomes my business when their relationship spills over into my household and into my social life, and that POSOMIL will never be in either.

I get it: I'm in a great position to mentor this young man, to confirm for him that his convictions about what happened are dead right and that every adult in his life who participated or turned their backs were dead wrong.

At the same time, I can't deny that my involvement would relieve the pressure already manifest in the two infidels trying to blend their families.

I guess if there's an opportunity to pull someone from the cess-pool, there's no dishonor in wading in to take their hand?

This young man has an opportunity to observe a good marriage and to learn from you what it will take, when/if it's his turn. What the two infidels are doing can't be helped at all by anyone other than themselves right now, but with you and your wife taking an active part in mentoring this hurting boy, perhaps it will give him hope that there is decency in the world, if one cares to look for it and be a part of building it.

The adulterers will continue their lifestyle, regardless of the effects to the boy. But the boy can be helped. And if that help to him also at the same time helps the adulterers, then at least one good is coming out of it, rather than two bad outcomes.

So, wading into the cesspool to take his hand is good. Shame to the fence-sitters.

While I understand the point you're making, I'd have to say that I would still take care of the victims wherever possible.

Because of their actions, the infidels will be living in 'interesting times' as the old (Chinese?) curse goes. They're not going to be able to avoid that, whether or not you keep her son with you.

For some reason I can't explain (don't speak the same language and can barely communicate with him), this kid took a special interest in me. I'm definitely leaning toward leveraging that interest and helping him out as best I can.

You're right. He's a victim and he's hurting. He needs to be in a situation where he can validate that his instincts concerning what happened to his family are correct. He's not getting help in that regard from anyone else in the family.

You know what's interesting about this? My wife is getting a big dose of: "There, but for the grace of God (and a suspicious, snooping, pit-bull of a husband) go I."

Believe me, it's not lost on her, when she sees the hurt, anger, and mistrust my nephew harbors toward his mother, that she could very well be looking at her own mother-son relationship if things had gone farther with her POSOM. She's got a front-row seat viewing where she was headed one year ago -- and it's just like a Gallagher show: dubiously entertaining with a high probability of getting a lot of nasty s**t splashed all over you.

You are an angel who has been placed in his life right now for a very specific reason. He recognizes that as children often do. Consider that you have been chosen and be thankful to God.

One suggestion: don't whitewash his mother's crime, but don't do a lot of bashing of her and her OM, either. Speak gently and honestly. He'll be getting a lot of moral teaching from you on this.

Oh, yes. I would probably try to avoid talking about his mother and POSOMIL as much as possible. If unavoidable, I'll answer honestly, as I seem always compelled to do. My focus would really be on him. I'm a big believer in leading by example.

When he stayed with us last summer, he observed my wife and I in a very loving, respectful, companionship. It's possible this is exactly why he's showing so much interest in us, because it so contrasts with what he's been living with.

In any event, I'm pretty much off the fence on this: if he wants to come stay with us, he'll be welcome. Any benefit that may provide the infidels is incidental.

I would definitely take this young man into your home.

Since all of your ILs want to sweep this under the rug, why don't YOU make a stand.

When my mother started her affair, I didn't feel comfortable about it, but I didn't come right out and say anything. I am even ashamed to admit that it wasn't until I found MB that I actually stood up against it. That's one thing that my mom actually said made her wake up. I wouldn't be around OM. OM never came in my home, and I wouldn't allow my children to go to my mother's home anymore. Shortly after I started standing up against the affair, my sister and brother followed suit. Within 6 months of posting here, my mother ended her affair and went back to my father.

They haven't followed MB and are struggling through their "recovery" but the affair is DONE.

So refreshing to see a story where a group with real integrity stood against adultery. Good for you, Scotland.

I don't think my wife's family liked SIL's husband, so there was almost a passive approval of the relationship she rekindled with her old boyfriend on Facebook and the ensuing destruction of the marriage. No one -- NO ONE -- stood for that young man.

I was thinking this morning: it's not just my nephew this affects. Between all my in-laws, there are a total of 9 young adults between the ages of 15-25 that have been witness to this drama and the way the family handled it. What have they all learned from the manner the "adults" handled this? I have a feeling the repercussions will be rippling through the family for years.

I think all you good posters have convinced me that this is not a time to withdraw into my hole. Here's an innocent victim that could use some real adult supervision. I told my wife last night that my nephew will be welcome to stay with us.

Thanks, all!