Oh my gosh I haven't looked or visited this site since 2005, I don't even remember all of the abbrevations, but its okay I'm picking them back up. I see only very few user names from back then...I'm writing today because my marriage did not make it....The DOD was 12/11/2003, I will never forget that day, a major ice storm hit the east coast, nothing like a major weather day in US history to help you not forget how much pain you felt that morning when you discovered your WH of 16 years was not only having an affair, but the second affair your marriage has endored. Yes, the first affair was in 1987 with my best friend, my maid of honor, I was pregnant with our DD now 24 years old.I'm not sorry we stayed together for that many years because I also have a DS now 22 years old. We divorced in May 2006 and I meet a wonderful man, we married in 2006.

My question is why do I still want to know what happens in my XWH's life? My children come to me to vent their frustrations that they are having with their father and than turn around and ask him to do something for them, like fix something (hes a plummber). I don't want to know stuff about his personal life, but if the kids come to me with a problem they are having with him I listen and offer my advise.
But I'm not going to lie I do like knowing.

WHY WHY WHY!!!!do I want to know??????????

Hi DaleJ,
welcome back.
I'm divorced and I've seen this kind of question has come up over on the After Divorce board.
The general wisdom if I'm correct seems to be that it's okay to explain to your (now Adult) children that you don't want them to share with you things about their Father. (Perhaps you are asking them -- you could also ask them to help you by simply refraining.) Tell them it is not helping you move on or helping your relationship with your husband to thrive.
Plan B seems to be a favored approach with ex-spouses, especially one's who have cheated.
In what ways do you think your curiosity about your exWH is affecting your marriage?
I'm also curious about how much of this is shared with your DH.

~optimism

bonus question: if your children are frustrated with their father, why are they telling you about it and not....their father?