I just thought about what my trigger was. How silly of me to have forgotten. My FIL emailed me last weekend. His name is the same as Bampot's so at first, when I saw the name, I thought it was Bampot. I think that was the beginning of my downward spiral. Hopefully, now, this represents my up swing.

I just took on a big project that is distracting me from things...early spring cleaning! Got a book on organization that takes you week by week through everything, your finances, car, every room of the house. Going to try to power through it over the next month or so...

I am a neat freak and having everything shiny & clean makes me VERY happy, but it's almost impossible with two artsy messy kids. Hopefully getting rid of some of this clutter and getting more organized will help make things easy to maintain...

Sorry to hear about your health issue. Will keep you in my thoughts and please keep us updated! {{{{Scotty}}}}

Thanx SusieQ, I have been thinking about the clutter in the house too. I'm going to start on that soon. I think that is another problem, and I know the solution. Things are looking up already. Thank you everyone.

Scotland,

We are practically neighbours, both my sons have attended Brock University. I have been down in that area quite a bit in the last 7 years, the youngest is in his 5th year now.......

I think you might be right about the trigger and the name, just brush yourself off and start again.........

Hey we Canadian can weather any storm that comes our way, My husband had his affair in 2009 while I was on a chemo drug.........I don't have cancer I have an auto immume problem it has left me with no hair and many aliments, when you don't have a working immume system a lot of things go wrong I weathered all that and still do right now I am in the middle of a scare as well.......but my point is we all do what we have to and I also did most of this alone at the time while my husband looked after his OW.


I leaned on friends when I needed to and the rest of the time I kept a stiff upper lip......the next day always seemed a little better........
I look at the health complications as a way to fix something that is broken, if we didn't know we couldn't take care of it ......I feel lucky sometimes that I knew and have choices.........

I think when you are ready you will know and feel it until then be a great mom and woman .

Scotty it isnt fair that you have to do things alone.

It isnt fair that you get bugged to find someone else before you are ready.

Ghandi is right though, the right path reveals itself. You cant hide long from it any more than the truth can be kept down.

Just find your way in your own time.

And I love that we are both wearing aquamarine polish. It makes me feel like a mermaid. Except they dont have toes. But you know what I mean.

Thank you Jessi. WHo knows, we may have run into, or past each other if you ever visited Niagara Falls. I don't usually go to London.

I hope you feel better soon.

Wow! Scotty...
H and I lived in NE Ohio for 8 years...
We loved driving to NF ~ Didn't matter what time of the year!
It is the most incredible natural wonder I have ever seen ~
Well, except for the southern rim of the Grand Canyon!
We always stayed at the Ramada Inn in the Minolta Tower in a room that faces Horseshoe Falls...
If you EVER want to experience a special retreat, either by yourself or with friends, I would HIGHLY recommend making a reservation there!
I am praying for you...

Isn't it amazing how our minds don't let us see the obvious right away? Praying for you my dear, sweet, beautiful friend. Praying for your mental, spiritual and physical health.

Ya know Scotty, you certainly have a way with words and articulating exactly what I sometimes think. I really hope you keep journalling and writing because the emotion in your words echoes.

You know that a lot of us are listening, and not only do we understand, but your words help us. Thank you.

I'm excited for you going to Disneyland!!! Your boys are gonna love it.

Hugs to you Scotty, and thanks for sharing your journey as well as advising me on mine.

Indie, I missed your post until now. WE must have cross posted. Are you really wearing Aquamarine? Are you quite certain that we weren't separated at birth?

Love, Thank you for the reminder. I may need to visit the Falls a bit more now that the weather is improving.

Faith, as always, thank you for the support. It means a great deal to me.

Caracal, that is a part of the reason that I DO write, and why I encourage others to post about their journeys as well. You never know what is going to affect someone else. I gain A LOT of help from reading here, and it keeps me on my path.

I found it interesting that DS9 has been speaking about Bampot more often lately too. A bit ago, DS9 was in my bed(our morning routine), and he started to cry. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I don't want you to get a divorce. I want Daddy to come home." I didn't know what to say, I just hugged him. Then, last night, we were watching TV, and out of the blue he said, "How it's Made, Daddy and I used to watch that show together. I wish Daddy was here so I could watch that show with him." I told him that we can watch the show together, but he said "No. It's not the same without Daddy." Well, that's heartbreaking. DS11, he tells me that he doesn't answer the phone anymore when Bampot calls because after they hang up, he misses him more.

After posting here, the next morning, I awoke at 630am with "Good Life" by One Republic running through my head. I think I agree.

Also, my workplace is starting an activity committee. We are going to do things like Book Club, Cooking exchanges, Basketball, Volleyball, Dodgeball, etc. I wasn't going to go, but I think I will. I need to get out there, especially when my kiddos are with Bampot. Should be a lot of fun.

Again, thank you ALL. I could never have done it without all of you.

If not for this site, I don't doubt that I would be dating someone else right now, to the detriment of my own being....I miss having someone care for me in that way...Then, people tell me to just get over it...Can't they just let me be?...I'm not ready to be divorced.

In one of the great Meg Ryan movies (Shut up! I'm NOT having a gender-identity crisis!) she says something to the effect of, "No, there's no one else, But there's the POSSIBILITY of someone else." (Allright! Get the tissues!)

Anyway the point (sniff!) I was trying to make is that there is a huge difference in mindset that I believe you might be approaching, Scotty. Bampot is, or at least should be, dead and gone to you. (I'm sorry your DS9 misses him, though!) But he's not - because there is no "Scotty" right now independent of the "Mrs. Bampot". I'm not urging you to move forward on your ultimate dissolution decision, but just suggesting that that is the proximate cause of your recent unease.

Let me posit one more thing for your consideration. Moving ahead with the seemingly inevitable step of officially removing BP from your life is NOT only about you. Somewhere, there's a man, maybe even that rare breed of Canuck who knows to remove his skates before entering the kitchen, who is possibly fated to find HIS future in Scotty. It would be convenient if she were open to meeting him.

Casting Crowns

Praise You in This Storm.


I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away


And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away



I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

_____________________________


I think this song is about YOU Scotti ( I also think of this song when my Mom was dying of pancreatic cancer)

NG, point well taken, and will be pondered. I think you are sorta right, only it's not about Bampot necessarily as it is that I am not ready to not be a "Mrs". I married for LIFE, and i feel like I sorta got robbed. KWIM?

And as far as the other cool Canuck who may be out there waiting for me, unfortunately, he's gonna get pretty cold out there, because I would be following Dr H's advice about not dating until my children are grown, and outta the house. That's a little over 9 years, so I got nothing but time(ARGH).

I think a lot of my problem too is that I don't have a career, but I did feel like a success in the fact that I was a wife and mother. Now, I have lost the wife part, so I am kinda a failure. I still get to be a great mother, but it doesn't seem like enough for me right now.

Hmmmmm, those muppets are working overtime tonight, thank NG.

Swan, thank you for that. It's lovely, and very fitting.

I had a SPECTACULAR customer today at work. I actually got to a point where I almost walked out on my job. I have hit my head on this wall so much that I have a goose egg on my forehead. I get it, I NEED A NEW JOB. Strike that. I need a fulfilling CAREER. Myabe this will help me feel like more of a success again.

Pity party over.

Scotty,

Think about all the good, clear advice you give to all of us here. You are definitely a success!!!

I understand the job vs. career thing, though. I was also holding back at work so I could be more available at home. Now I feel I can push more at work, it helps take my mind off things and it might help me get a better position (will sure need the $).

So happy you will be going to Disney. I went last year with the kids (our first time) and it was really magical!

Hey, guess what Estrela. I went before work to get my sparkly nail polish, and they were on sale so I bought 3. I'm an over achiever. HAHAHAHA

Okay, so enough pity party. Feelings follow actions. I'm gonna pick myself up and MOVE. Thanks again all of you. NG, I want to thank you for that extra kick, it was surely needed.

You know every time he posts NG makes some reference to Canada. I think hes jealous, in fact I bet hes been to the consulate in New York to ask about becoming a citizen.

Scotty can I ask why you are supposed to wait 9 years to date? Forgive me, its out of line but wouldn't that be giving up a lot of prime time?

Also Scotty I never realized, you really are just down the road from me, and Jessi sounds like she could be around the corner..too funny.

DrH has suggested to BW's that they wait to date until their children are grown(after a D of course). It is about the types of men that would be out there in this age range, and about the type of relationship that would come from dating while the kids are still young. There are a TONNE of complications with blending families. He mentioned it on his radio show a while back. I don't remember when, but I remember that I was quite shocked by it. That's why I remember it. Also, he said something to the effect that good men don't raise another man's children. That struck me too.

And Reynold's, I bet NG knows all of the words to our National Anthem too.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO, now they're gonna think we all know each other. HAHAHAHA

I can't agree with all of this stuff highlighted Scotty as a "rule", only suggestions The part about a good man doesn't raise someone elses children must have been misunderstood or taken out of context. There are plenty of loving Fathers out there who raise someone elses children, after all, are they not Gods children?

And for that matter, so are you, and a loving father does not want you to be alone, if the right situation presented itself.

I know, it would be wrong to look for it, even desperate, but being open to it is another thing. There is a Jack for every Jill, but the dating scene? PLU_EEZE!. It will have to be someone I could laugh with, and be a friend first, and auditioning was never my thing. I doubt it was yours either.

Plus a date is supposed to be fun, and it can be two people treating each other with respect, while having that fun.

Just be open to men who are decent, and do not have issues that they haven't worked out yet. You're smart, have a great sense of humor, and a good head on your shoulders. Last but not least you have a moral code you live by, which makes you unique to most. That code has made you who you are, has shown you what others have become, and has guided you though a lot.

Any man would be stupid not to recognize it, and you aren't looking for a stupid friend now are you? Just be ready for the best to come along, and accept nothing but the best, expect it..

Until then, just keep being Scotty, cuz Scotty rocks

Don't you Canucks all ride the same ferry? Canoe? Don't you all speak a different language? Wear snow shoes?

HeHeHe Lol