He already KNOWS.

You are trying to give yourself excuses and reasons for committing adultery. There is only one. You CHOSE to commit adultery. Temptation was dangled in front of you(due to your WEAK and POOR boundaries around men), and you CHOSE to commit adultery, not once, but TWICE. And now you are here, blaming your BH, and trying to justify why you shouldn't tell your BH about your adultery.

You will need to grow up to be a good wife to this, or any future husband.

You are NOT safe.

So.... nay on the honesty.

Gotcha.

Come back if you feel like having your marriage or your conscience back.

I do mean that sincerely and hope to see that 180 turn around.

Doro, glad to see you are still here. You are advice from some of the best... please listen.

I think you may have missed Indie' point... Despite being super careful, she found out about her WH's affair.

My WH was super careful too. I managed to discover his affair that he was having in another continent.

The thing is, you can never predict if you will be discovered. People who saw you... even the OM. Bricks, a newbie here, was sent photos of his wife anonymously. Do you want to have to keep looking over your shoulder?

Thank you, that means a lot. I appreciate it.

And no one disagrees with that. But that doesn't mean you are marriage material for your husband. Nor does it mean you are entitled to forgiveness from your husband. Forgiveness is not an entitlement for entitled waywards.


Posting on an anonymous forum means crap. That does not impress me. It takes no "calling", no bravery, no nothing, to sit in front of a computer and write anonymous posts to perfect strangers. So far you have told us you are "called" to your little job but fully intend to continue lying to your husband. Did you get a "calling" for that? So I don't know what kind of "call" you are getting that tells you it is ok to lie to your husband, but lets hope you stop answering that "call."

If you feel "called" to do the right thing, it has not been reflected in your attitude or actions thus far. We will see.


Like I said, an absolute lack of repentance. But alot of attitude and alot of entitlement.

With your current sense of entitlement and your decision not to tell your BH the truth... you are an active wayward. By not following the MB program, you are a threat to your BH and marriage. Another affair is just around the corner... unless you implement the MB program.

Step 1... Radical honesty. Tell your BH the truth, and let him decide if he wants to recover the marriage.

No, I understood her point very loud and clear.

So you would rather risk that your BH discover your lies rather than you telling him?

Your choice. Maybe you like playing russian roulette with your BH's life and your marriage.

I also hope you to a turn-around in your thinking.

I'm pretty sure I stated specifically that I was well aware, I may not get forgiveness from my husband.


I suppose it's a good thing I'm not trying to impress you then...It doesn't mean crap to me, because this is the very first time I've even considered telling him and it's the first step of possibly trying to save our marriage. What do you expect, people to come on this forum, and after a few harsh and pointed posts from yours truly, that they just snap their fingers and decide to do the right thing?

I get it, I get that you went through this on the other side of things, but I am still a human being. I make mistakes and I came here looking for some help/guidance/maybe motivation.

What I get is you personally degrading me and all of my life choices. Really makes me want to stick around and work on marriage in front of you folks.

Yes. Both she and I went through the 'other side' of it.

If you read Melody's sig, you will see that she recovered her marriage and did forgive her husband.

But not until he was worthy of it with actions such as honesty.

I too offered the opportunity of forgiveness if I was given honesty. Because I realise that what people were/are is not the same as who they decide to be when they get up tomorrow morning.

Who will you be tomorrow?

Honest or dishonest?

DoroM,

Pride is a deadly sin because it can kill the most important relationships we have. And then we're left with nothing.

Hope you listen to pros here, even the ones who seem harsh. They're really trying to help you, and they know how.

No, I understood her point very loud and clear.

Well, very good. Now how about answering my original question?

What do you want from us here?

You came here and presented us with a story, and told us you are not feeling too good about yourself, or anyway, the situation you created. Sadly, no one here, not me, not IG, not SQ, not even ML (but don't tell HER!), has the ability to grant you absolution and mental comfort.

We CAN however, guide you to a PLAN to do the WORK, to possibly EARN the right to feel good in your own skin. If that is something that sounds attractive to you, let me provide you first lesson:

SHUT UP and LISTEN! (That might be considered two lessons; I'm not sure!)

Step 1 is to prepare the story, every gory detail, and tell your betrayed husband. Really, without that brave action, none of the rest of the program here will make any difference in your outlook.

Ummm ... yeah? Deciding to do the right thing isn't that difficult a choice to make.

You're getting help/guidance/maybe motivation. But you insist on arguing with it, instead of following it.

Your choice.

Your life choices are what have degraded you, hon.

I was ridiculously careful, too.
When I confessed to Markos, he already knew.

Every wayward thinks they're ridiculously careful. There's nothing special about you or your abilities. If he doesn't already know, he will.

Apparently it does "mean crap" to you since you are getting so defensive. You aren't going to get very far with that snotty entitled attitude. I only hope you are bright enough to know that it won't help you a bit with your husband. You talk alot about "forgiveness" but this is not the face of remorse.

You might oughta rethink the attitude if you are to have any hope of forgiveness. Seriously.




Would you like a hankie?

p.s. there is nothing anyone can say that is as "degrading" as your own behavior. *YOU* are the one who degraded your own self, dear.

What you get is reality shone onto your horrible life choices.

What you get are people who are willing to help you become a better person, and in return a better wife.

What you get is a chance.

If you want to run away, that's your choice.

A pack of wild horses couldn't drag you away from here if you really wanted to do the work.

Have you ever posted on a different forum about your adultery?

Actually, I meant to type, 'it's Not crap' to me-meaning it's important, and whether you believe it or not, it's quite a big deal for me even to be discussing it. I guess I should've used a double negative. You're quite right that I'm getting defensive.

Nope.