She might have had integrity when you fell in love & married her.

I'm thinking not... She was a serial cheater long before I met her.

I'm so sorry you are up against it and apologize for dredging up past events on your thread.

As far as advice...personally I don't see how rereading and rehashing your old threads here is going to help you do anything more than wallow in the past.

This is a behavior modification website and that particular behavior sounds unhealthy.

What ACTIONS can you take today to move forward with your life?

If you are depressed...have you scheduled an appointment with a doctor? How's your weight? I hope I'm not coming off as trite but your STBXW is still doing a number on you and it's got to end.

Mr. Wondering

OK.
So you learned something, right?

You're a good man.
You're an honorable man.

Well... I've been fighting for 3 years to keep from having to pay her every month for life. At the masters hearing I verbaly agreed to give her a % of my military retirement. (Because my lawyer said it was a good deal) Afterwards I had second thoughts and a feeling that I just made a big mistake. Re-reading the thread just reminded me of all the crap she's put me through. It confirmed my feeling of making a mistake and that giving her anything is tantamount to rewarding her for bad behaviour. Nothing is written in stone so I may go into the hearing for division of assets (which are actually debts) and ask that she pay me her half of everything that I paid off.


Depressed... Probably...

Exhausted from worry, stress and all the crap I've been through in the last four years.... definately.

Oh yes... I learned something. Mistakes are a good thing. They should be a painful lesson. And the more painful the lesson the more it imprints on you so you don't do it again.

The other thing that would be good about re-reading my thread is... Time has a way of letting you look at things differently. At the time that I was going through all my crap I was probably emotionally un-able to look at things objectively. I probably didn't want to hear some of the truth and good advice that people on here were giving me. Looking at it again after time has passed I realize that a lot of the advice I was getting was right on the money.

I know the title to this thread is "I'm done. Plan-D" But I guess deep down inside I always had a little sliver of hope.

I didn't really do anything to change from plan B to plan D. Other than decide that if she filed for divorce I wouldn't fight the divorce. (fight for my military retirement yes...)

Like I said... We've had no contact for the last 2 years. Kinda like a realy dark plan B. I've been pretty bitter and resentful about the whole thing. So those feelings of wanting her back after repressing any feelings for her took me by surprize. And... at the same time I jumped at the first (and only) offer they made to settle the divorce. Which made me feel I just got steamrolled again.

To paint a word picture ... I feel conflicted.

It that normal?

8 years have passed for me and I'm STILL conflicted. So, yeah, I'd say it's normal.

No worries...from time to time I've read over my wife's first threads here on MB. I'd say that afterwards, I don't like it much. I coulda done things better. Second guessing yourself isn't productive because there's absolutely nothing you can do about it now. You did your best...you are a hero that stood up for yourself and your family. You went through the process and are (and will become) better for having gone through it.

I often see divorced betrayed husband's go through a bitter phase whereupon they question having put up a fight at all. I fear you'll read a couple naysayers that, no doubt, posted to you when you first arrived telling you to give up. Now it appears in hindsight...they may have been right, whereas at the time they were "hopecrushers". Such divorced persons say "Wow...if only I hadn't wasted two, three, four years of my life pursuing what I can so easily see now was a complete waste of time." I think the MB process helps alleviate that a little as it motivated you to move along the process (plan A then Plan B) as you became ready for each step. You weren't ready to divorce or give up at that time so what does it matter if the "advice" turns out right...now. In the end...YOUR family was THAT important to you....and WORTH IT the fight. It didn't work out (so it seems...Mortarman didn't work out either until the papers were nearly signed). OK, time to move on.

What's your plan for getting this divorce finalized?

What's your plan for the rest of your life?

YOU matter too. You're "Amazin"...and don't you forget it.

Mr. Wondering

Believe it or not, my XW paid it in full in one lump sum payment this fall. She got hurt on the job about a year and a half ago and recieved a big settlement.

Hopefully the divorce will be finalized this spring. I have a division of assets/debs hearing the first week of March.

Right now I'm looking for a job. Mostly been applying for Department of Defense jobs and railroad jobs. Hopefully I'll end up back in the midwest or on the gulf coast.

So you could end up in Michigan????

Raytheon has a website FULL of openings. If you've got Government Clearance already...you should be golden.

Mr. W

Does she acquire any arguable rights over your military benefits by the simple fact she made it 10 years married to you...despite the fact she left you 4 years ago?????


Mr. W

Retirement is based on time of separation.

12% does not include access to any base privelages or medical. That would be what is called a 20/20 spouse.

I doubt she's got 20/20 vision....

she's wayward blind.


[thanks GJM for clarifying]

Mr. W

There's severay ways to figure a %. But GJM is right. In this state the clock stops ticking when you separate. Not nessasarily true for all states thought.

The 10 year rule only applies to wether or not she can recieve direct payments from the government.

I won my preliminary objections to this state having jurisdiction over my military retirement. So she'll have to go to another state to get anything... Unless I agree to let this state distribute my pension.

And that would be just crazy...

Not letting this state distibute my pension just means she has to go to another state. If she's determined and has the money she can do it. It's just a hasle for her. My whole point of trying to deny this state jurisdiction was to force her to the negotiating table and get a better deal.

If she does go to another state I may not nessasarily get a better deal.