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The show just starting is going to discuss how to handle children where there is infidelity involved. The email is about a kid that refuses to speak to his adulterer father. How can they force him to speak to his father? It's live now but will be rebroadcast for 24 hours and then it can be accessed by date via the archives. Listen live here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

edited to add: here is the archived link. Go to 6:20 http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3570

Last edited by MelodyLane; 02/01/12 09:34 AM.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Thanks Mel,

Listening now


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Harley is explaining how damaging it is to kids to try and get them to "accept" the affair as normal. And to FORCE them to speak to the WS.

The problem is that some kids already KNOW right from wrong so it is harder to corrupt them.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Dang, I missed the beginning so I will have to listen to it again.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I only caught the last 15 minutes. I'll have to listen to the re-broadcast.

While I'm waiting I have a question. How does the affair effect children of different ages? For example: Does the affair affect adult children differently than toddlers, pre-schoolers, adolescents? If so how?

(Just thought I'd ask for discussion purposes...)

Last edited by Amazin; 01/31/12 01:54 PM. Reason: grammer - I R edumacated

BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
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Originally Posted By: Amazin
I only caught the last 15 minutes. I'll have to listen to the re-broadcast.

While I'm waiting I have a question. How does the affair effect children of different ages? For example: Does the affair affect adult children differently than toddlers, pre-schoolers, adolescents? If so how?

(Just thought I'd ask for discussion purposes...)


I am certain the age and developmental level has a lot to do with how well a child copes with the stress of a marriage/family falling apart.
Hopefully, older children have acquired more coping skills.

That's all I have time for now. stickout

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From MY personal experience, my late teen & young adult kids were very disappointed in him but mainly RELIEVED!

Relieved to know all the problems we had been having were not ALL their fault! Due to their ages they always seemed to have alot of drama/trauma in their lives. Their dad was VERY controling, judgemental and critical. It was a relief for them to know that Dad's outbursts, unhappiness, bad moods, need to "get out for awhile"--were NOT all THEIR fault! He had his own issues going on.

Kids always seem to blame themselves if they don't know the truth.


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Just got done listening myself. Interesting but not surprising. My oldest daughter just told me the other night that her mother told her that the reason we are getting a divorce was because I was never home.

She is only 6 and I keep telling her the truth...only when she brings the subject up though.

I just wonder how her mother justifies telling her own kids lies and how much damage she really is doing to them.


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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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"they send kids to counselors to try and get them to accept the affair and the kids know it is the counselor who really needs counseling." [paraphrased]

Some kids are harder than others to corrupt! So sorry!!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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When the subject of my step daughter came up and how she would hadle being torn from her home and her stepsisters... WW's answer: "She'll adjust"

Yeah... She adjusted real well when you cheated on her father. WW drags her kids with her from man to man. And it's destructive what they learn and do to protect their feelings and emotions.

My step daughter never wanted to get too close to me emotionally. She always kept me at arms length. I could never figure out why until WW cheated on me. Step daughter figured I was just another "temporary" guy. She was probably trying to protect herself from getting hurt.

She learned from her mom that if you don't get too close emotionally to a man that it won't hurt as much when they're no longer in your life. In a way its like programming the child to never buy into a relationship or trust someone of the opposite sex.

And guess what... WW learned that same thing from her mom who got married 4 times and went from man to man.

I believe that affairs have a generational effect. Affairs are so destructive that they not only affect your life and relationships, but they affect your childrens, your grandchildrens, great grandchildrens lives and relationships..

Last edited by Amazin; 02/01/12 10:15 AM. Reason: grammer

BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
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Love yesterdays radio broadcast ...

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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane

Harley is explaining how damaging it is to kids to try and get them to "accept" the affair as normal. And to FORCE them to speak to the WS.

The problem is that some kids already KNOW right from wrong so it is harder to corrupt them.


My Mom did this to me, and it made me rabidly anti-cheating before I even knew what sex is.


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I will argue that older children have a harder time. I was an older child. I had good memories of my family growing up and seeing it disintegrate was heartbreaking.

A big part of me still wishes my parents had found a way to reconcile, even though my dad was a serial cheater.

My kids were very young when they went through it. They didn't know what was happening and have grown up not knowing any different.

It was news to my boys that I was once married to their mom.

It was also news to them that she wanted the divorce, not I. I am not going to sugar coat the truth to them.

They're growing up in separate but so far stable homes and all I can do is control my end of it and be an example through my actions.

Stability is critical for kids.


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