When I told him I wouldn't, he said he would. Right now, I don't think anything will have an impact on her aside from an act of God. Pastor spoke with her on numerous occasions about our divorce, her adultery and lies, all to no avail. At this point, I don't really think I care what she thinks or does. If she's not remorsefully pursuing repairing our relationship and family, I don't care.

Well you can definitely tell in your posts that you are growing and learning and I think that is a MB success.

Good job marksaysay

I don't know if it's growth or what. I guess I'm just started to become immune to the antics of my WxW. It's been a very trying journey but one that has taught me alot. I don't think anyone close to me really understands the wayward mind like I do. Pastor, while well intentioned as he may be, doesn't seem to get it, either. Maybe he does but chooses to simply ignore it. IDK.

Anyway, I just left a super bowl party and I'm getting ready to go do some karaoke. Yay me...

IMO, this is growth and THRIVING due to Plan B and MB principles. You have set your bar and boundaries, and now accept that if WW does not choose to meet them, you will be not only okay, but fantastic. Regardless of WXW.

Thanks again Mark, you continue to set the example.

Have you told the pastor that you want to hear NOTHING about WxW anymore? He shouldn't be telling you these things because it does NOTHING for you. Actually, it does something, it makes you start thinking about her and her craziness in being a wayward. I would just ask him to not tell you ANYTHING about your WxW any longer.

Scotland, I have before but I think I'll go and have that conversation with him again today.

Right now, I'm gonna eat me a nice breakfast then go get my workout in. Yay me...

She has obviously become obsessed with you. The less information she gets about you. The more obsessed she becomes. Even as far as disobeying a court order. Bring it before the same judge, 72 hours in lock up will do wonders for her deep concentration. Whether you believe it or not. I believe she still thinks that you are "hers". In fact confronting that poor girl proves it. I can guarantee you she sees you in a different light and has begun to respect you again (even if she doesn't obey). I weighed 157 once. I had a 44" chest and fit nicely into my wife's 29" 501s. Now the my belly is 44"(really 36"). Ah what the he77. You know what they say. "The bubble in the middle means your on the level" Stay strong my friend.

Different strokes for different folks I guess!

Sorry.. Couldn't resist this morning.

CV

CV,
We can always look to you for some comic relief...

For obvious reasons, today was a somewhat melancholy day. There was no sorrow or tears or anything. It was just one of those days. It got a little worse when I went to work (Im a server/waiter at very popular restaurant).

Seeing all of the couples coming in wasn't actually that bad. It got bad when I saw my exMIL, her sister, and my DD waiting during our peak time. I didn't see simply DD with grandma. I saw DD being occupied so WxW could do her thing.

Yeah, we're divorced but I guess it just bothered me to see just how they seemed to want to make sure I was aware of it. And they kept her at the restaurant past her bedtime on a school night.

Mark, I don't think I've ever posted to you before, but I have read your thread. I don't know what to say other than your WxW will someday live to regret her decisions. She may not realize it now, and she may not regret it now, but, one day....she will. And it won't be good when it happens.

You're in my thoughts and prayers. You're obviously a good man. Look out for yourself now.

There are times post divorce where it will not be good to be you.

But you will have the times when it will be good to be you.

The good times will increase and the ungood days will lessen with time.

TW, thanks. I don't think I'm a good man. I KNOW. Yes, I've made my mistakes but we live and we learn. I guess I never really thought much about valentines day and my WxW until I saw mil and DD. It all just hit me.

In many ways its sickening to see mil try to help WxW in any way she can to enable her and help her "find" happiness. All this while failing to see that her daughter is trying to find something in a place it can't be found - another man or men or whatever. Mil never tried that hard to help us.

One day she will regret although I don't think one day will be anytime soon. It would seem that our situation will play out much like many of the others. Ws finally wakes up but the BS is gone.

TR, yeah I guess this is one of those not so good days.

I must admit that after last night, I cried for the first time in many, many months. I mean, why did mil have to keep DD occupied at my job. There are countless other places she could have taken her. I feel like she did it with intent and I feel like it was done in extremely poor taste. I was fine until then.

It was like mil was intentionally saying "your daughter is with me so guess what my daughter is doing". I was doing good without the reminder.

You must focus on the good you got to see DD.

You should of walked by their table and said happy VD to DD, then go back to work.

If your inlaws are hostile towards you, you just gave them ammo to blast you in front of DD.

You are not just a man, you have to be the bigger man for your DD.

I did hug and kiss DD when she came in and even did some parenting when I saw she was disrespecting mil. I didn't speak to the inlaws, though. Just to DD.

They are not hostile towards me. Since exposure way back when, they have just tried to make me feel like everything I did was wrong. They made excuses for ww and offered absolutely no assistance in trying to help my family. All they did was enable her and that's hard for me to swallow.

Mil particularly told me that it was okay for her daughter to be "dating" someone else prior to our divorce being final. She told me I was wrong for telling her about ww's infidelity because that should've stayed between the two of us. I could go on and on...

Then you did what you had to do so nothing to cry about.

As to blood being thicker then water who taught your WW morals?

So why be surprised with MIL actions?

What do you get from an apple tree?

An apple.

What do you get from a nut tree?

A nut.

What do you get from a low moral slut hoe tree?

_______________________. I think you can fill in the blank.

I know we are divorced and I know ww has not exactly presented herself as the "salt of the earth" but please refrain from the names. Thanks.

Yes, I understand your point and its really not all that surprising. Its just still hard to swallow. I go to church with the inlaws every week, although we haven't spoken in months. I'm just experiencing first-hand how one can "claim" to love God and yet show something so totally opposed to Him.

The tears were not due to what I did or didn't do. I guess they were the result of being reminded just how far my ww has fallen and how much support she's getting. I was doing well without the reminder.

If I didn't still love her, it probably wouldn't have bothered me as much. But I do and I can't make it go away....

Point was not to call WW a name.

Point was to show a connection between how WW acts the way she does. Apparently by how MIL raised her.

Mark,

Please think about what we talked about today. I will repost the summary here so others can interact with my thoughts...

You need to focus on you. It's been 12 months and you aren't in survive mode now. Right now you need to start planning again for the future. Set goals, 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5...

It's that "without a vision, people perish" thing... You don't want to continue "living", you want to be able to thrive.

I suggested lists...

What are you presently called to be? Father, good employee, good friend to friends, etc...

What are you not presently called to be? Husband to XW, (what else can you think of?)

What do you feel you are being called to be (working towards)? Pastoring your own church, an even better dad, maybe a husband in the future... What else?

Then start working out how to get there.

Why am I suggesting this? because it keeps you forward thinking. Your XW is now, no truly different than the neighbor down the street other than she has your daughter part of the time... You can't concern yourself with her actions any more than you would with the neighbor (outside of care of your DD). Focusing on these things is causing you to hit a rut and spin wheels.

CV