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Original post went bye, bye. Sorry folks.
UPDATE:
All I wanted was help. I was sincere and open. A whole lot THAT got me. All I got was some bad, negative, pretentious advice from some know it all's who just want to judge, judge, judge and insult you instead of helping you. You are all JUST like my ex-husband. And thank you for that. Now I can escape this place the first day I joined before I get sucked in and this becomes my life!! (Sound familiar?) This is CLEARLY a forum for bitter middle age divorcees, I mean, people with REAL issues. You guys...wow...good luck...you'll need it. lol!
Last edited by Mischief; 01/26/12 08:22 PM.
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Mischief, I've just got to ask you: why do you so freely give yourself away? Your post is littered with examples of you demeaning yourself by having sexual contact with men who have no commitment or emotional investment in you. I've always feel so used by men due to my looks. No, sweetie - they'll only do what you allow them to do. That's your call, not theirs. The question is: why do YOU permit men to use you sexually? As far as your 'boy's' motivations? You'd have to ask him. I can only speculate that he's not that interested in being with someone who gives herself away as freely as you do. It also sounds like you are doing so with the expectation that, if you give them sex, they will give you commitment. It doesn't work that way, as you are now learning. Have you considered finding value within yourself instead of cheapening yourself sexually to feel valued from men? Have you also considered that it might not be a bad idea to fully heal from your divorce instead of wandering from man to man?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I can only speculate that he's not that interested in being with someone who gives herself away as freely as you do. It also sounds like you are doing so with the expectation that, if you give them sex, they will give you commitment. It doesn't work that way, as you are now learning.
Have you considered finding value within yourself instead of cheapening yourself sexually to feel valued from men?
Have you also considered that it might not be a bad idea to fully heal from your divorce instead of wandering from man to man? ^^^This Based on your description of the "relationship" I would consider you and the guy to be f*** buddies, not bf/gf. You're not merely lonely. You are emotionally needy and you're trying to fill those needs by having sex. It won't work. I'd suggest that you plan to take some time off from men and look into getting some kind of counseling. If you can't learn to love yourself and be satisfied as an individual, you can't be in a healthy relationship.
Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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I can only speculate that he's not that interested in being with someone who gives herself away as freely as you do. It also sounds like you are doing so with the expectation that, if you give them sex, they will give you commitment. It doesn't work that way, as you are now learning.
Have you considered finding value within yourself instead of cheapening yourself sexually to feel valued from men?
Have you also considered that it might not be a bad idea to fully heal from your divorce instead of wandering from man to man? ^^^This Based on your description of the "relationship" I would consider you and the guy to be f*** buddies, not bf/gf. You're not merely lonely. You are emotionally needy and you're trying to fill those needs by having sex. It won't work. I'd suggest that you plan to take some time off from men and look into getting some kind of counseling. If you can't learn to love yourself and be satisfied as an individual, you can't be in a healthy relationship. I would suggest you take at least an entire year off men. Throw yourself into something productive. Men with no character will hook up with women who allow it---looks aren't as much as a factor as you might believe. Right now you have a reputation as easy. Noone with long term plans or high standards will want to be with you right now. You are young enough that you can turn this around and make yourself into a respectable woman with a good reputation.
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Mischief, stop having sex with men to whom you are not married. If you do that, they don't view you as a serious match, just an unpaid wh*re. If you are going to act like a piece of used toilet paper, then expect to be TREATED as such.
STOP acting like you are CHEAP and men will stop treating you like you are CHEAP.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So glad I found this forum. I'm having such a hard time. Hopefully you fine people can help.  First a Little Background I last saw my ex husband in court. He had been arrested for strangling me before pushing my brother down a flight of stairs and punching him in the face. We had been together for 8 years and he had been emotionally and physically abusing me for the last 2 years of our marriage. Nothing was ever his fault, he was always right, I was never to argue or question or he would scream at me and call me names till I cried. Some times he'd leave me after he hurt me, injured, lying on the ground and crying for hours. He insisted that if I ever called the cops, he'd leave. Well, that's the only promise he ever kept. I loved him, begged him to stay saying we'd get help. He said he was never going to jail again and never wanted to talk to me again. All this after HE abused ME for over 2 years while I blindly loved him ALL the while!! It was a pain I guess they describe as heartbreak that has over took me these past 4 months. But most of the time I can keep it at bay. I know he abused me, but I loved him so much. But, apparently, he didn't love me. I don't think I'm over him but I know he's over me. So I'm trying to move on. Our marriage is UN-salvageable. I tried so hard to get him to use his heart to make decisions and to come to his senses that he was wrong. He never cried, or said sorry, or took any fault even though there were two other witnesses to his assault on me and my brother. He denies the whhhhooolllleeee thing because he is a Mormon who can do no wrong. (No offense Mormons.) Now to my question... I've been "seeing" this guy "Jon" for about a month and a half now. We knew each other from college, we met when I was married and were just friends that sometimes hung out together. When my husband left, Before I started seeing Jon, I spent a month in a different state with my family I got so bored I went looking for guys online. I slept with a guy I met online and a high school sweetheart I still talk with. I also did oral sex with two other boys that same month. But when I came back home, me and Jon rekindled our friendship. We decided to hang out one night and I ended up giving him oral. The next time I saw him, we had a date and sex. We have been seeing each other 3-4 times a week this past month and a half and we always hang out before and after but it always culminates in sex. Now, he's 20, I'm 27. My ex is currently 36 so I don't see age as an issue because I met my husband at 20. But I don't know cause we take turns paying for things (since he's young and broke) and he took me on a double date with him and his friends, he took me out to a party on New Years Eve. We even slept over at each others houses a few times. He's always said, "If you wanna see or sleep with other guys, you gotta tell me." So one night, he takes me to a movie. He sees some cute girl he knows on Facebook and picks her up as he hugs her, starts chatting away, and doesn't introduce or acknowledge me. wtf? I made it known I was with him and she was nice but still. No intro. After that incident, I wanted him to label me as his girlfriend and told him a story (I'm a model by profession.) about how a really hot young Hollywood actor had hit on me earlier that week and how I turned him down for Jon. Jon laughed and said he was flattered he was chosen but didn't seem too bothered by it. He didn't say, "No way your seeing that guy!" like a guy who wants a girl should say. Right? I slyly call him "my boy" when I refer to him when he's around and he doesn't correct me but, he won't call me his girlfriend! And just this week, after seeing each other four times a week for over a month, he can only come by once? In fact tonight he came over for an hour to have sex with me before he announced he was going to his friends house. We used to have sleepovers. WHAT HAPPENED!? Is it cause I'm a divorcee and that automatically labels you as "broken." to people who don't understand divorce? Is it cause he thinks I'm too old for a relationship with him? Is he scared people will make fun of our age gap? Is he just using me for sex? What should I do? Should I ask him if I'm his girlfriend out right instead of leading and hinting? Or should I ditch him? I'm so lonely sometimes I wish my [censored] of a husband would come back and say sorry...But he won't... I've always feel so used by men due to my looks. Every guy just wants to use me till their done having fun, and throw me away. I don't know what to do. I want back the cuddling and the kissing and the affection and the monogamy. I just find myself crying randomly, knowing there's no one there to hold me anymore... Help??  Is this post for real? Were you completely divorced before looking for guys and sleeping around? You need to figure out why you think so little of yourself that you'd degrade yourself as you have. Physical abuse is NEVER okay. He couldn't love you because it's not IN him to love someone, he has serious problems and needs help...but not YOUR help, he needs therapy. He is HIS problem now and you need to let go of him. it's too bad your brother was drug into this mess. Your XH's being Mormon has nothing to do with anything...I have Mormon friends and trust me, their religion does NOT embrace this type of behavior. Sleeping around is another indication of your low self-esteem. Do you think the only way you'd attract someone is through sexuality or what you can do for them? A man will view you in a low way if you sell yourself so cheap. Try valuing yourself higher so that they can too. Work on your character instead of your oral sex. Your "being friends" with the opposite sex while married did NOT help matters. Please read the MB's policies and learn what is taught here. Marriages should be protected and safeguarded and that does not include setting the stage for problems. This guy you're seeing is NOT a BF. He does NOT view you as a GF. He views you as a free hooker and will continue to treat you as such. He does as little as he has to in order to obtain free sex from you. Why do you continue to put yourself in this position? You need a break from seeing guys. Spend time working on yourself and discovering who YOU are apart from relationships and entanglements. You need a lot of healing to take place before you are ready for a healthy relationship, and trust me, you don't need involved in another unhealthy relationship. Please consider getting some help for yourself. You have needs bigger than a forum can address.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Should I ask him if I'm his girlfriend out right instead of leading and hinting This sounds high-schoolish to me. You are not at the age of labels or deciding if you're "going steady" with someone. I think the real issue is not whether you are GF/BF but what do you want out of the relationship. Are you looking for a marriage prospect or just someone to hang out with? If it's the latter, you found it. If it's the former, then I agree with others, building a foundation for marriage takes time and screening, not hopping into bed with every hot guy you see. AGG
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**EDIT**
Last edited by CicadaMB; 01/26/12 05:27 PM. Reason: Please refrain from speculation; contact moderators with concerns about other posters
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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And I was feeling sorry for her. 
Last edited by CicadaMB; 01/26/12 05:23 PM. Reason: Remove quote
Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11
My current status: Healing a little more every day!
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How mean of you, to attack the people who are telling you the very things you need to hear. What were you expecting? You were 'sincere and open'. Didn't you want that in return? All I got was some bad, negative, pretentious advice from some know it all's who just want to judge, judge, judge and insult you instead of helping you. Is it? Is that ALL you got? Because you missed a lot of posts, then. Go back and re-read. Would you like me to show you the positive posts you got? I can copy and paste those into one post if you have a short attention span. And yes, I am a little pissed at you right now. This is CLEARLY a forum for bitter middle age divorcees, How do you figure? Do you know us? I'm not divorced. Many of the other posters who have posted to you aren't divorced. It might be ALL of them - I'd have to go back and check. You guys...wow...good luck...you'll need it. lol! LOL? You think that's funny? That someone else might need good luck? How old are you again? When you are ready to grow up and control your life, you will be in much better shape to control YOURSELF. Until then, don't go wandering around on the internet, looking for answers to your issues and get pissed because you don't like what you're hearing. My last piece of advice to you: having a beer with a man doesn't mean you are required to give him a b/j. Start there.
Last edited by maritalbliss; 01/26/12 09:12 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I got was some bad, negative, pretentious advice from some know it all's who just want to judge, judge, judge and insult you instead of helping you. You are all JUST like my ex-husband. And thank you for that. Now I can escape this place the first day I joined before I get sucked in and this becomes my life!! (Sound familiar?) This is CLEARLY a forum for bitter middle age divorcees, I mean, people with REAL issues That sounds pretty "judgemental" to me! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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That sounds pretty "judgemental" to me! Stop it, Mel - you're being mean to her!! AND judgmental about her judgmental-ness! 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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That sounds pretty "judgemental" to me! Stop it, Mel - you're being mean to her!! AND judgmental about her judgmental-ness! YOU are judging my judgmentalism!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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YOU are judging my judgmentalism!!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Original post went bye, bye. Sorry folks. That's okay, we got a copy  All I wanted was help. I was sincere and open. A whole lot THAT got me. All I got was some bad, negative, pretentious advice from some know it all's who just want to judge, judge, judge and insult you instead of helping you. You are all JUST like my ex-husband. And thank you for that. Now I can escape this place the first day I joined before I get sucked in and this becomes my life!! (Sound familiar?) This is CLEARLY a forum for bitter middle age divorcees, I mean, people with REAL issues. You guys...wow...good luck...you'll need it. lol! I'm only 2 years older than you. And I agree with the advice you were given. Men use you because you're easy. Stop having sex until you're married, and you won't be easy, and you won't be used. Nothing judgmental, middle aged, or bitter about that.
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Ugh get some self respect ..do not have sex with strangers.
Yes he is using you
Sable Venus
Divorced, newly married again less than 5 years, both of us Christians, 2 small children
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