Thanks.

In between bouts of lunacy and misery, I get lucky with a moment of inspiration.

Ahhh....the value of exercise and what it does for self esteem.... such an easy concept but sometimes hard to get off the couch and actually do it!

Anything you do in the self-help area is a boon to self-esteem. Of course, it's important to not commit IBs in the process. For example, right now I would probably trigger if my H starting with all barrels on a fitness regime. He did that while in the beginning of the stages of his A, before he visited OW for the PA.(Cliche, I know)

I happen to think a healthy view of your own self-worth is as key to personal recovery as UA time is to marital recovery. (And personal recovery feeds into marital recovery as well.)

Thought of the day courtesy of another BH:

What she did can never be undone.

I just can't imagine that pain.

Im adding:

Focusing on the future has eased that pain for both of us.

Picked up Mexican food for dinner which is near a restaurant the a-hole likes to go to. Not with my wife, but actually with his family. I just know its his place.

Put me a bad place. Id love to smash his face into pieces.

Which is sad after a solid week of doling positivity to others.

Trying not to ruin a busy weekend. Took a pill. Breathing.

I understand. Had Mexican tonight too and it's killing me. I think it's the cheese on the chimichangas..

Seriously, I understand. Do you think the severity of the trigger was heightened having talked to OMW? I have had a week of triggers and have had to buckle down severely on myself as well. You will get better at recognizing them and they will become less intense.

Hang in there Mike.

No. She triggered nothing. I feel pretty good after speaking to her. I hear how lousy things are there for him. I do get a tidbit of detail unsolicited from her but its mostly things I've figured or knew about to some degree. But we didn't dwell on the a. We talked about surviving.

It was just a standard run of the mill 'I cannot believe this woman (though I used other words) $&);$;): did this to me." moment in the car on the way to get dinner ALONE.

I got home we had tacos, I told her I was in a low moment right now and I love her. Tried a bunch of things to turn it around and alls good today.

That's a good sign. sounds like you are beginning to manage the triggers better.

CV

I have that same thought pop up at times, Mike: the, "I can't believe he did this to me!"

I guess it is the anger of having to deal with this - to never be able to forget it.

I know my husband wishes I COULD. I know he wishes it never happened. But...it did.

I don't know if there is a time that I will never have that thought pop up anymore....I know the "answer" is time, but I'm impatient! LOL

I had a big trigger too this week - over a place. HATE it.

Why would you go to some place that would trigger you?

Why bring WW near a place were OM goes often?

And I'm troubled that WW did not trigger.

Then how is WW able to know the lastest goings and comings of the OM when she is in NC?

Why is the WW volunteering to keep you abrest of the latest 411 (boy does saying 411 make me feel old, and first time using it, anyway back to the story) on the OM.

TR, I think we have to get you on some decaf.

MSS did not say that that FWW was with him when he went to pick up some takeout. Additionally, it was from a place NEAR another establishment where POSOM hung out with HIS family, not where POSOM took FWW.

Kind of a trigger twice removed.

Knowing where he is in recovery, I'll bet MSS has faced down this trigger-by-association, negated it, and has moved on.

I know it sucks, Mike.

And it can be distressing after a lifetime of dippy-hippy "let it out" advice to do this, but you just swallow it.

You can choose to not let it control your day.

Ah, the essence of my being. I didn't ask for it yet I was given it. her selfishness knows few bounds.

NeverGuessed, care to correct this part whereI wrote and you did not respond to: Then how is WW able to know the lastest goings and comings of the OM when she is in NC?

Why is the WW volunteering to keep you abrest of the latest 411 (boy does saying 411 make me feel old, and first time using it, anyway back to the story) on the OM.

Road,

What are you talking about?

Mike

Why is WW knowing what's going on in OM life when there is NC and talking about it. This is what I'm talking about.

My wife doesnt not know what is going on in OM life. I spoke recently with OM'S WIFE. I have a kinship with her that we both stepped into this steamy pile of poo forever so I reached out to her to see hows she is doing. We left off about 6-8 weeks ago poorly throught actions of my own for which I have apologized back then and now again.

We spoke for 10 mins about survival and her kid and mine, left the A pretty much off the table for the most part. Told me he deviant is crashing and burning in his business putting a burden on her as she is a good earner. F-him.

Anyway, I felt great after that call. Told my wife I spoke to her told her we spoke in generalities, nothing to report, their baby is doing good.

No triggerations. No anxiety. No OM details to fill in with my wife. Other than it took place, which my wife would like to stop, I didnt tell him much.

We do have an issue in the POJA as I understand it. Havent yet breached this topic with her but I am still going to remain friends and speak to OMW when I want to. I did not have an affair and I have been able to separate female friendship with the need to bang them all my life. She lost the same priviledge with men. Not me. So when Im ready, this is one area we may have to find trouble on a joint agreement.

Riiiiight, she HAS to PoJA, and you don't by means of secondary gain.

Wrong thinking mike! What you mean is "her selfishness **KNEW** no bounds", right?

Gotta get thinking this way man or it will become a huge hindrance.

Are you ready for it Mike? Get you're helmet on....

There... I mean really?!?! Dude... Ep's aren't just for her. They are for both of you. This is a highly disrespectful comment and a hindrance to you guys recovering. It is just s stupid stupid move. It shows your wife that her feelings aren't important, that you care more about yourself than your marriage and that you will simply do whatever you want...

That's not recovery, that's something else... Your wife had the affair, it ruined the relationship you had with this couple and you really shouldn't be talking to her unless there is suspected contact.

Right. Syntax error. Knew no bounds is more appropriate . Agreed.

I was very close non sexual friends with this woman. We both suffered huge losses at the hands of our spouses. Almost irreparable damage.

As we have a non spoken about now financial matter which is out of my wife's hands and im dealing with the deviants wife to see it through.

No meet ups. No nakedness. Just a every other month or so call to see how she is doing and to remind her of her husbands commitment. Not that he takes those too seriously.

Ivegiven up almost all my friends because thet MAY have learned of the affair. Don't see why I need to give up this one who suffers from the same affliction I'm suffering from.

And it's always about us staying vigilant.