The first year of our marriage was very difficult for me, I think I was depressed, we moved often and I felt like I gave up a whole world of friends and family for this one person who wanted me to do hard things. I tried to leave him directly after we returned home from our honeymoon and then again later that first year of marriage both times I was told that there was no back door, I married him and made a covenant before God and there was no going back on it.

A buyer is defined by their behaviors. So the way to change is to adopt buyers habits. As such:

Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner in a romantic relationship. He or she does only what comes naturally and expects only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless the person is in the mood to do so.

Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.

Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care by making permanent changes in his or her own behavior and lifestyle to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions to problems are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners because the romantic relationship is viewed as exclusive and permanent. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accomodate changing needs, painting the walls, installing new carpet, replacing the roof, and even doing some remodeling so that it can be comfortable and useful.

Renters believe Our relationship is temporary. You may be right for me today and wrong for me tomorrow.

Buyers believe We are together for life.

Renters believe Our relationship should be fair. What I get should balance what I give.

Buyers believe We both contribute whatever it takes to make our relationship successful.

Renters believe As needs change, the relationship may end if needs are difficult to meet.

Buyers believe As needs change, we will make adjustments to meet new needs.

Renters believe Criticism may prompt me to change if it's worthwhile for me to do so.

Buyers believe Criticism indicates a need for change.

Renters believe Sacrifice is reasonable as long as it's fair.

Buyers believe Sacrifice is dangerous and to be avoided.

Renters believe Short-term fixes are fine.

Buyers believe long-term solutions are necessary.

I do not understand how I can change my mindset if I don't see what is affecting my feelings. If you know a way could you please explain it to me?

I do feel the guilt of my affair, I know that was due to my own choice and my not allowing my emotional needs be met by my husband.

No one held a gun to my head, but I was told I would be disobeying God -whom I greatly feared, if I did not marry my husband. It is my fault for be cowardly and indecisive and I understand I have taken that all out in a horrible way on my husband.

I am not trying to rewrite our history, I know that is what you, and others have commonly experienced. I do understand that my focus on the bad points is the lens through which I have been choosing to view my marriage. I do not wish to continue in that way because it is a common point I fall back on durring hard times. I wanted only to identify it so that I can process it and put it to rest, and no longer continue with regrets about that part of my life.