My husband had a sexual extra marital affair 16 years ago. The way that I was able to move past it was to have full disclosure of the details and yes, I know now that making demands is a love buster. Recently my husband has been involved in an emotional affair. No sex, but emotional bonding, feelings of love. He kissed her. He told her that he loved her. There were hundreds of emails and hours of phone conversation. We are trying to move past it and I know that I am not blameless. I was not meeting his needs and I was also drinking heavily. I made a commitment to turn things around but at the time I did not know about this relationship. I found out about it a couple of weeks into my 'recovery' (on my own - he was not honest about it). I have now been meeting his needs and not drinking for 3 months. I want the same disclosure as before so that I can move past the hurt from this betrayal and he has refused. He says that he has ended this relationship and that I need to just forget about it. I am having a really hard time doing that. We are seeing a counselor as well, but he doesn't want to take sides although I sense (probably because I want to) that he understands my need for disclosure. I feel that I was living in a universe that didn't exist during the first few weeks of my reformation because I didn't know anything about what was really going on. I want to know the whole truth. Any advise? Should I just drop it?

Yes you are blameless, unless you were somehow involved in the decision to have an A.

Demands to end an A is not a lovebuster, you have misunderstood the concept. It is loving to not want to share your spouse! To expect honesty.

If he is refusing to give details, it is probably still going on. What snooping methods do you have in place?

You shouldn't just drop it your husband is not acting like a loving husband or even a husband, he doesn't want you to bring it up because he is not interested in stopping the affair with the OW. I would not believe a thing he tells you, they only usually tell you some of what is true, he very well might be sleeping with her as well........
I agree with Indie, I would start to snoop and find out what you are dealing with before you go any further with the marriage, tell him you need to think about what you will do from here on, don't tell him about the snooping.....try to act normal, it is not right to just sweep this under the rug, this is your life, your marriage.
I agree with Indie about your demands to stop the affair and providing you with proof of that, maybe you need to put on a keylogger on the comp and phone so you can check to see what he is up to.......
Do you know the OW? does she work with your husband?
Are they still in contact at all?
You need to know all you can at this point so you can make an informed decision about your own life........
Stay on board here, you are not alone, you will have friends here

Wrong.
SELFISH DEMANDS are love busters.

Your recovery will continuously suffer without radical honesty.

First a No contact letter needs to be sent to the OW, which is written by him and mailed, emailed, sent by you.

Second, he needs to have extraordinary precautions to affair proof your marriage.

Third, you can start to rebuild.

Without 1 & 2 then you will be abused by his cruelty until you die.

Will he commit to 1 & 2?

Welcome to Marriage Builders, Lee. I have a few questions, if you don't mind:
Who is this broad? Do they work together? What do you know about her? Is she married?

I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt that this was more EA than PA. He's admitted they kissed. I suspect he's trickle-truthing you, and that there is much more to the story, here. He confessed just enough to you to try to satisfy your need to know. This is a typical self-serving act of a wayward. They always immediately follow that up with - you guessed it - telling you they think you need to forget about it and move on. The fools don't realize that it doesn't work that way.

I think you have every chance to recover this marriage, but not with your wayward driving the bus. You're going to have to get behind the wheel, sweetie. Have you been reading the articles on this site?