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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 1 |
We have been married 25 years, 3 great kids, good job, some friends, typical life. No affairs, no infidelity on either part. But it's like we are just acquaintances, we just dont connect anymore, we dont talk, we dont spend time together. She has her life, I have mine, but apart. Last year we went to marriage counseling for 2-3 months, but it was expensive, no real results and she felt (I think) the female counselor was siding with my views too much. So we stopped. We are cordial to each other but this is not the marriage I want.
Just need someone to talk to about this. Any advice? Thanks
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,389 |
Yes, UA time. Get back to square 1 of romance and start dating again. Have you read about the importance of "undivided attention".
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437 |
Which of your views was she offended by? That might give more of a clue as to the problem.
Start reading the Basic Concepts (link at top of page) and come back with any questions about how to execute them in your marriage.
IB appears to be much of the problem, but if you'd answer my first question, we can help pinpoint the proper place to start. What were you saying in MC that the counselor agreed with that your wife did not?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Hi bsrawhide, welcome to Marriage Builders. I think we can help you in your marriage problems. MB is completely different frm other programs in that it is a) action oriented versus yakking a problem to death and b) the goal is to create romantic love in your marriage. If you follow the program in a comprehensive way, that will be your result. I would start with this article: How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage And follow the program in these 3 books. You can do this on your own if you are both committed and diligent. If you are not, you might want to try some of the MB courses. Some of them will assign you a coach and give you access to Dr Harley. That is the one that my H and I did and it made an amazing difference. It is pricey, but worth every penny. [$1000] His Needs, Her Needs Lovebusters Five Steps to Romantic Love workbook
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Yes, UA time. Get back to square 1 of romance and start dating again. Have you read about the importance of "undivided attention". Like alis said, undivided attention time is the KEY to making this all work. A couple cannot stay in love unless they are spending at least 15 hours per week meeting the top 4 intimate emotional needs of conversation, affection, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment. The Policy of Undivided Attention
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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