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I did it more to explain the problems we were having as she had already killed the friendship
This is not a :friendship", if your WW is using this minimizing language and getting you to use, it you are allowing her to retain the mindset that will lead her to another affair.
Her family and my family I did it more to explain the problems we were having as she had already killed the friendship. I can't see how it helped though?
I have one little teensy-weensy question; if you're not going to follow the instructions given you (to the letter)from people who have been busting up affairs and helping save marriages for a heckuva lot longer than you, then why do you waste your time here? I may be alone in this thought, but I just don't get it.
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I can't see how it helped though?
It didn't help because you didn't do what you were told. It didn't help because you released her from all accountability. It didn't help because she didn't have to face ANY consequences for HER decisions.
Just whose decision was it to not disclose the affair during this "exposure"?
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
I've used the word affair a lot more with her recently even though it still hurts me to say it. Our families know about the affair so it was exposed, but it was done after the 'affair' had been killed. The only question I really wanted answering is how long before she calms down? And starts working on our marriage?
She won't calm down because the affair was physical and she is stressed out because that means she is still lying to you. Do you think she would visit OM for hours on end with nothing happening.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I'm sorry, what I've written is lies I'm ashamed at the position I'm in and am struggling with this whole situation. Please forgive me, what will follow is full disclosure but please if you say for me to do something please back it up with the reason why so I can understand it better.
Here's what happened,
Early December I discovered the EA and confronted my W about it I had already written a post on facebook about it to all her family and only had to press enter but I chickened out at the last moment due to concrete evidence in the text messages that she had pulled away from him emotionally. When I confronted her she went mental and tried to overdose on tablets and cut her wrists with a knife, I gently stopped her doing this and then she put her fist through a window at which point I picked her up and carried her to the sofa and made her calm down.
I literally had a nervous breakdown and couldn't go to work for 1 1/2 weeks.In this time we talked and she said she wasn't sorry, she was doing it for herself, she said she did it because I have had affairs (I haven't and would swear on my childrens lives! - I understand that this is a projection) that I was controlling and angry and stressed all the time and she thought we were over (nice of her to tell me!). I explained to her that she needed to cut all contact with OM and she agreed but after 1 1/2 weeks she still hadn't done it, so I gave her a very angry ultimatum - him or me. She told me she had done it the next day.
Christmas was coming and I was getting angrier and more stressed all the time from her lack of trying for our M and what happened and on the 27th Dec I had had enough and moved out. Since then I've been living at my Mums house again, I needed to get my head in a better place I know now I was completely dependent on her and that had not helped.
Over the last 7 weeks we've had 5 marriage counselling sessions but she is not trying in any of them, she is not accepting responsibility for her part in the marriage problems before the affair ( I have wholly owned my part and have been working on them and doing what I can)
I do not know if she is still in contact with OM, I'm starting to wonder but my gut reaction is no. I KNOW from the text the affair part of that relationship had definetly finished however she may still be in contact with him just as friends, which if true I know is not acceptable. She can not visit him as she doesn't drive and due to childcare she never has time to go out and meet him anywhere, in the past she asked me to look after the kids when she went to see him when they were 'just good friends'!
Since I have moved out her self confidence has grown and has all these plans for the future which she claims I stopped her doing (not true) we talk every week but she will not open up at all. She says shes growing a backbone and and sees no plans for us in the future. It feels like she is so deep in denial and has no idea what she has done, she keeps going on about independence and being free. It feels like she is teetering on the edge of Divorce although she has never used that word, she uses splitting up instead, she has points in some of the stuff she said which I've been working on, but some stuff is just exaggerated or made up.
Communication was starting to go alright right at the very beginning but the whole situation seemed to change after the ultimatum. It feels like the situation has not changed at all in the 7 weeks and I'm not happy at all.
I just want her to start working on the M, accept the responsibilty and try and earn my trust back and at the moment there is no sign of her doing any of those things. I appreciate your responses.
After that I went back to the other house for an hour or so and just got really angry and found my nuts (sorry if that upsets anyone) and rang her and said I'm coming round, so I went round with my pillows and told her I'm moving back in and I'm not happy at all about her friendship with him.
Not surprisingly she went off the wall, slamming doors, crying, pulling her hair out. She went to our bedroom and an hour later I went upstairs and told her I'm sleeping in OUR bed. So she stormed off downstairs and slept on the sofa last night.
This morning, I went downstairs and she had left her engagement ring, wedding ring and eternity ring on top of the microwave and she went to work today without wearing them, which hurts!
...a lie? Did you ever move back home? Where are you living now?
Why did you lie to the board? Did you think you could get accurate advice for your situation if you lied about it? How was that supposed to work?
You've wasted everybody's time here. People took time out of doing their jobs and caring for their families to help you - and you were making up stories.
