I'm trying to work plan A, trying to not let this be love busting. Being open, offering forgiveness. Hmm. So I should save those words for my plan B letter?

It should be a surprise that the locks are changed? He should be angry or something?

"Everything is indeed 50/50 so I don't understand your thinking in restricting my access to our apartment, but maybe if you give me contact info for your attorney we can work something out that way."

Ok NOW I GET IT. Whenever he's off with his whore he's not responded to me, not told me anything and I remember it was extremely painful and made me want to see him. HE WANTS CONTACT! He's trying to UNDERSTAND MY THINKING. And this is exactly where I want him. So NO F**** REPLY.

So I don't know if anyone saw my other thread but I'm looking for an intermediary and am totally stumped. If anyone from this thread is willing, that would help me a bunch.

Right now it's like we're in a soft Plan B unfortunately. I want a separation and he's in divorce-land. He picked up his box, the locks are changed, but there's no letter that's gone out. He doesn't get why he can't come into our house in his fog. I've drafted my letter. I'm actually hurting so much right now that I don't know how I could send a Plan B love letter. I also thought about how the silence is more effective than giving him the satisfaction and closure of a letter. He always wants a reaction from me, and I feel like independence is more effective today. Especially since you guys said I was having too much contact.

I am also getting a bit nervous that he will find this thread. They're quite computer savvy he and his whore.

36, please ask one of your close friends to be an IM. It is not a hard job at all, especially since you have no children. All the person has to do is act as a spam filter and only pass on messages [in her own words] that pertain to finances, etc. She would not pass on any rants or raves.

And yes, you do have to send a Plan B letter. A Plan B letter gives him your conditions for return. That is an essential part of Plan B.

3634days, How are things going for you? Have you picked a day for Plan B yet?

Hang in there and Happy Valentines Day!

Hi Rocketqueen--I'm in Plan B, sent him the letter yesterday, and have an awesome MB IM. I miss him... I was reading this old blog of his that he'd made for us last night and it was hard... I could have gone out tonight but I am just very tired. Trying to get into a routine and get all that I have to get done for me done. It's hard not to worry and think and be connected to this person who was my partner, my other half, my peace, my calm, my joy for so long. I'm trying to remember that it's just the beginning, panicking is ok if I don't let it rule me, and breathe.

Stop doing this now. I'm not a Plan B'er by any stretch but I don't think anyone would disagree with my thoughts on this.

Keyword: Disassociate

That's the whole point of Plan B

{{{{3634}}}}

I really like your attitude Three of getting yourself into a proper Plan B and getting a good IM.

So I thought you might appreciate some tips

Plan B tips:

Are all numbers changed so he cannot contact you?
Have you deleted his numbers so you cannot call him?
Is he blocked on FB/social network sites to prevent contact and to prevent triggers reminding you of him?
Are all triggers, letters, photgraphs etc, boxed up or gone?
What is your plan should he post a note through the door?
What is your plan if he sends you a message via a third party?
Are your friends and supporters aware they should not pass on any gossip/news of him?
Do you read his horoscope?
Make plans for occasions or anniversaries � expect to feel awful and make plans to keep busy or be pampered.
Do something for yourself daily/weekly � even if it�s just a foot bath or a hot drink.
Think what reminders/triggers do you need to eliminate in order to live in a WH free universe?

You are going to do a lot of grieving in the early stages of Plan B due to memories which already fill your mind. You don't need other memories or triggers making you think more excessively about him than you already are doing.

I am even redecorating because my house just reminds me too much of my WH the way it is. Even with just one room repainted, I already feel better.

You have time to work on your Plan B, to make it as dark as you can and to make plans for yourself. However don�t go searching out things to dwell over. Search out things to eliminate.

One thing you might do, (which is probably along the lines of what you were doing with the blog) is to gather up all your memories/triggers, have one last look and a bit of a cry � then put them all away.

Good for you 3634days, stay strong. My Plan B starts on Saturday. We can commiserate together. Though my WH moved out of the house 1/19 so I've had time to get used to his absence. But since I am still living in our house right now, he feels its ok to stop by whenever he wants.
Indiegirl, thanks for the great tips! While, I don't think contact is completely avoidable, it's a good idea to have a plan for just in case. I hadn't thought about notes or letters getting through but I will bring my shredder to the new house with me to deal with that

Can you give me an example where you see a problem enforcing NC? Im sure there is a way around..

There is some 'leakage' of info from children though I understand in the beginning... though I dont know about that personally.

indiegirl is on the right track. I would find ways to avoid contact before it happens. Think of ways he might try to get through. One way I know of is to ask the kids to hand you the phone. Another way is to just barge into your house. So it is a good idea to find ways to prevent him from getting through.

Well, my WH and I live less than a mile apart. I'm sure there will come a time when we might wind up at the same gas station or grocery store. He also can show up at my job anytime. That is what I mean by unavoidable contact. Although, if that should happen, I would turn around and walk out...or hide somewhere at my job. So while most contact is unavoidable, I think you just have to be prepared for those other moments.

So my IM is saying that he wants to come over with the police to get "his things." I informed him that if he needed anything that he could let the IM know and I would leave it on the porch for him at an agreed time but that I cannot have him in the house. I am pretty scared bc it seems to me that he just wants to ransack the place of our marital property and I don't know how to prevent that other than a restraining order. He sees this as a divorce and I'm keeping him from his share of things even though I'm saying I need privacy after this violation. He is in a fog and does not get it at all. Marital property has not in any way been divided yet if he thinks this is a divorce. I don't want him in here with the police just taking things that are also mine or are outright mine. This is frightening. He doesn't have a job right now so it seems that he's fixating on this. Help?

You need to see your lawyer as soon as possible.

I haven't been able to get one yet in my price range. I've been looking and have talked to two firms and have a meeting with a lawyer from a different firm on Thursday.

I've called all the potential lawyer candidates, but my IM says she thinks it's just a bluff. I'm freaked out.

Exactly so. Great attitude.



It is a bluff. Anger or fear might get you to break Plan B and call him so he's trying that.


Get a lawyer immediately and stall with WH. Don't lose your cool and don't freak. Get your IM to say simply that he will receive details regarding those arrangements shortly and in the meantime you will pack him a bag if he needs anything urgently

If this were to happen, he must first get a court order.
You would be informed had he been granted a court order.
An "appointment" would be arranged for a day and time for this to occur.
One cannot just show up at a police precinct and ask to be escourted into your home to get his crap.
Relax.
Breathe.
If he gets a court order, you simply comply.
(not gonna happen)

Right, thanks all. Here's what the police said:
If the landlord has changed the locks then any attempt to break into the house is a burglary even if his name is on the lease.
The police can come for a short time as a civil standby to mediate but they will not assist in him forcing his way in to the apartment.
If he wants things that are shared property he will have to ask a lawyer or me as I've explained.

Phew.