ok i need some help from people familiar with the creation of the number graphs in the books. i was going through it with my wife and on one of the questions i put my answer at 2.5 on the -3 to +3 number graph. she got upset at me saying i cant be honest and give a real answer. i thought it was more accurate to my feelings. the answer to me was more than 2 but less than 3 so i put it in the middle of the 2 and 3. i told her there was no hard and fast rule that i had to pick 2 or 3 if the real answer was 2.5 so i need someone to help us clear this up. am i wrong to say 2.5 instead of 2 or 3?

That's a point on the DJ scale!

You assign the values you feel are correct. What more is there to say?

shawood, the goal is to be as accurately close to your feelings as possible. So if 2.5 is more accurate than 2 or 3, then that is what you should put down. The goal is to be as accurate as possible and you are the best judge of that.

Is this perhaps one of your annoying behaviors, that you create your own spot rather than choosing one that was already created? Or that you embellish to hedge your bets? That you regularly find loopholes to do whatever you want? That's the only reason I could see for someone becoming upset about something like this.

Did you explain the 1/2 point in the discussion part? Which questionnaire was this on? If it was the RC inventory, I understand her frustration. ENQ and LBQ do have the sliding scale, and as long as you explained your answer, I think that is fine.

I'm not going to support you telling your wife you'll do it however you want because there are no 'hard and fast' rules, if the way that you are doing it is annoying her. If she wants to see a 2 OR a 3 and nothing in between, why wouldn't you give it to her that way? Seems easy enough to mark the closest number and explain in the comment section. Sure would be easier than fighting about it. Is that 1/2 point worth fighting over?

How you two should be sharing these (if ENQ or LBQ) is for there to be a speaker and a listener. Easier if I put it in list form:

1. Each of you thoughtfully and fully fill out your Q.

2. Set aside a time to share, about an hour to two hours.

3. One person reads aloud their #1 to the other person, who ONLY LISTENS AND TAKES NOTES. The listener is only allowed to ask clarifying questions; no defending, no denying, no nothing except to ask for clarification of something they don't understand (like if a person says they want affection 3x a day but doesn't say how, it's okay for the listener to ask for specific affectionate actions--NOT saying things like, but I kiss you every morning, what are you talking about???)

4. Then the other person reads their #1 while their spouse listens and takes notes.

5. go back and forth, switching listener and speaker, until all items have been read. READ. Not discussed. This is just a speaker reading their own words, and a listener taking notes.

6. Soak it up for a few days, have a fun date night, get to work on meeting those needs or avoiding those LBs, and arrange a time for a discussion of how you're doing about two weeks out from the initial reading.

To me 2.5 sounds like she is meeting almost all needs in this category...to me a 2.5 need is not one that I would spend too much additional energy on. I would continue as I am and worry about the lower scored needs.

Where she might have a problem...are you expecting her to meet that additional .5? Is it impossible to please you?

Or it could be that she is very literal and everything has to be in black and white and you picking 2.5 shows some shades of gray.