So my divorce is going pretty well. My solicitor told me today that Softlads solicitors are dragging their feet and using the excuse of his being abroad to slow down the process. Its very irritating that he can neither keep hold of me, nor let me go.

Regardless, my solicitor is having none of that and is keeping a fire lit under them.

I'm hoping I will be divorced by September. I know its not for everyone, combining Plan D with Plan B, but I feel a real drive to do this. The divorce is the only contact I have with him and I know I will feel better with that contact gone.

That said I feel pretty good anyway. My health seems back to normal and my spirits have risen with it. I pulled an all nighter revising last night studying for my maths test. I have a pretty fancy degree and usually am a good student, but in algebra I have met my Waterloo. Missing two weeks of class has not helped.

I had to take freq breaks and see what everyone on here was up to just to keep sane.

Anyway I think I failed it. The thing is, I'm pretty sure I will conquer it eventually, this summer if I have to.

When you have kicked a wayward out of your world and put together a whole new life together for yourself, there isn't anything you can't do.

I want to see an army of Plan Bers conquering the world!

just checking in, indy. can i add something to your plan b preparadness list?

figure out who/how to deal with the need to squash/remove a nasty bug! (literal bug!)

an unexpected issue!

:-)

Algebra. Dang. I used to be good at that subject, but nothing like 20 years of not using something to forget the order of operations!

You are right though.....you WILL conquer it.

Thanks for the update!

Yes Indie, you SHALL overcome..

I failed math since 6th grade, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get into it.
The combination of being a young boy and all the in family issues I had to deal with, left no room for math, even though the teacher knew I was able, and I could do it when pushed, I never cared about it.

Then at 28, I had a chance to get into a electronics course at work, in a Navel ordinance plant. It was about transistor design, and I had to have high school algebra.

Not even remembering simple times tables and how to do long division well, I knew it was an area I could shine in, if I tried. My motivation? I had worked hard all my life, had a new wife and little girl, and I wanted to work smart, and provide a good living and environment for my family.

You still have that in front of you, a very possible dream. Along with a possible Man who would appreciate what you have been through, and help you forget it, because you will live in a new life. The motivation gives us strength to keep going, to overcome obsticals, fearlessly, and to adapt to what we are not used to.

As it turned out, I passed the pre-test and got into the class,(with the help from a friend who brought me over the night before the test, for some algebra basics. He was an E engineer)
The class was full of college educated Engineers, people who knew calculus,scientific notation, simultaneous equations, and all I knew was V/R=I, and I did not fully understand that.

But I was motivated, and interested, and excited to make that long awaited career, that would be positive and help support my family, and contribute to the world as best as I could.

I soon shook off all fear, fear of asking dumb questions, of becoming one of those people who talked about stuff the layman did not understand, of being changed.

Of course I did ask dumb questions,(although no question is really dumb), and I struggled, but I came out at the top of the class. The only guy who beat my 90.4 Grade average, was a guy who just had to take the class, because he had to re-certify. He slept most the class, and the teacher said he could have been teaching it.

Have faith, dive in, and don't let it scare you. You are definitely smart enough, and its just another language, which expresses its own values. If I can get it, lol, anyone can, and I still don't know my times tables, and only simple calculators were allowed, no scientific, there was no cheating, only cheat yourself really.

If someone else can do it, so can you, you have the tools, and I believe too, that plan B'ers, because they are real people, and take responsibility for who they are, should be the people who reign in this world, right under God, who is in charge.

God bless you

Indie, I myself often recommend that BSs enter Plan B even if they want to head straight to Plan D. Plan B is about removing yourself from the drama, and other than the occasional court appearances, I don't see any need to communicate directly with the person whom you are divorcing.

In this crazy new world, it's always said that you should remain friends. Who are they kidding? MOST marriages do NOT end amicably. There are so many hurt feelings, and many times someone has committed adultery, so who would want to remain friends with someone like that?

In my case, I am actually going to stay in Plan B for as long as my WH continues his adultery with OW. Even if that is for the rest of my life, I won't communicate directly with him. There's no need. I may even continue Plan B even if his affair ends, it depends on HIM.

I couldnt agree more, Scot. For a start I dont believe that men and women can be friends. Acquaintances sure, but you cant share deep stuff with a man without building up a love bank. Especially when you have a romantic history together.

I would never stay friends with an ex, unless I was single and the ex was a catch. Because there is always the chance of the spark reigniting unexpectedly. I also hope to remarry one day and I would never expect my husband to put up with my 'friendship' with an ex. Even if he were ok with that, that would just make me worry about HIS boundaries!

Plus being friends with a wayward, even a female one, is just insane.

I hope this does not trigger you -- but my first thought about the flask that he is asking for, is that I would smash it to pieces with the nearest hammer.

Hahahahaha!

I must be doing SO much better, because this did not occur to me at all! I very rarely get angry these days. Plan B is a wonder.




In fact the flask does not hold any negative connotations for me at all. It was gift given on my wedding day from our friend, the best man, to my DH. It has always been a reminder to both of us of a wonderful day and the great friendship between my husband and DF right up until his death.

Right now, if I were to have it near me much, it would be a trigger of my romantic feelings for my husband. that is anti-Plan B, so it is at my mothers along with all the other romantic triggers, including my rings. It doesnt trigger me to talk about these things but it is strange the power that physical objects can have over you.

If we were to recover I dont think it would be an A trigger. Although now it might be a tigger of how entitled he was during my Plan B to ask for it!!!

I need FB expertise, oh wise ones.

Is it possible to set it up so that no one can add you as a friend?

I know I can just decline, but I'd rather not get messages at all.

This guy got talking to me at my interview today and I thought he was overly friendly. We were wearing name badges and he was very interested in my surname asking had 'they spelled it right'.

I squelched him and gave a cool reply, but my name is v unusual and it is super easy to find me on FB.

I would quit for my boundaries if need be but I really like keeping in touch with friends and family overseas. Some have been amazingly supportive of my Plan B.

Today I realised that I don't like being so accessible to strangers and there is no reason to be. If I wanted to add someone, I would and if they wanted to add me they would need to be a RL friend who has another way to contact me and ask.

You could always make your page private though I'm not sure that would help at all.

Indie, when you can go on FB, go to your privacy settings and you will see "How you connect" and click on edit settings. You can change that from "everyone" to only "friends of friends". That was the only thing I could find and should help a little bit

That should do. Its strangers I'm worried about. FoF will know I won't date because I'm pretty vocal about it.

I had a customer try to add me on FB once. She had a pic of her cat, so I didn't even know who it was. All it said was, "I am a customer at STORE." I clicked, IGNORE. I mean come on, I'm not that desperate for friends.

Yea, the FB privacy should be enough. I don't mind just ignoring people, but I don't get too many requests that I don't want. What I have a hard time with is when co-workers friend me, especially male ones, and I don't WANT to add them. That's where it's hard because I have to explain to them, face to face, why I ignored them.

Those are the explanations I don't want to have to do to men on the course, if I get on it.

Plus admiration is a high need of my mine. Getting added on FB by an interested man (even if it is a totally lame and creepy way to approach a woman) is tecnically admiration.

Keeping those boundaries HIGH! Its amazing what you think to do, when you start looking.

I'm so silly. Checked Facebook and those are already my privacy settings! I don't even remember doing that. One time a stranger sent me an odd req though. I must have changed it then.

I don't know why I still get surprised when things happen the way Dr H says they will.

I think I have reached that stage in Plan B where a 'divorce will hurt less'. In fact, I don't think it will hurt at all.

I haven't thought about softlad in ages and when I read those agonised words of love from earlier in my thread, I don't recognise myself.

I don't hate him. I just don't want him.

For ages I thought this was because I'd gotten so good at vetting my thoughts. But today I gave myself free reign to relive our most romantic highlights (they're good, too) and ...nothing.

I pictured him returning hat in hand with signs of repentance too serious to ignore. Brave honesty and unflinching accepting of friends and familt criticism., Even posting on here as a FWH, dispensing hard won wisdom and the secret to making amends (An early fantasy of mine).

Still nothing. I can't fantasise, it falls flat. I'm in a hurry for the divorce, truth be told.

I am constantly amazed at the lovebank and how it works as Dr H described.

I know full well my 'unending' love as I once thought it, is well frozen and will never trouble me again if I leave it be.

But I also know not to get cocky and allow contact. What was once, can be again and its important to stay dark for life to prevent my feelings being reignited, as they well could be.

I can't seem to do it with thoughts, but actions carry more weight as we all know.

I went looking for the quote, and found a clip instead!

From the movie Strange Days;



Memory and fantasy just won't cut the mustard any more, Indie.

Not. Any. More.

Those great romantic memories will need a frame of reference in the present to have any impact.

No mementos? Photos? Memerobilia?

Good! The memories will fade lacking context for reconstruction.

The "ghost units" in your LB$ will fade as those memories lose context.


The less of a frame of reference you have, the less potent any memory - and any emotional effect it could render - will become.

Yeah absolutely. I subscribed to the theory of Plan B and its happening for real now.

Huggles.

Plan B is powerful stuff.

Your not gonna talk about engrams and start a chapter of the Church of Scientology are you HHH?

You know about L Ron Hubbard and "Dianetics" right?

The best times I have with God are the times I have alone, and even if fueled with the human experience, emotion, rationalization and philosophy, life would be an empty gesture if it were not for His covering.

Ok..save that for another day, or another thread..CP

Indie, you certainly do get it, and have gotten it, fast. Now you have gotten "over" WH...

Where is that book you are going to write? Looking forward to seeing great things from you. Even if I/We never know your real name, who you are is yet someone/thing of character we can trust will bring about great things.

That is why..I trust in the invisible God, not because of visible things, because that is only illusion anyways.

Hebrews 11:27
By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.

Romans 1:20
For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

You are definatly moving forward