Personally -- I think you still need to find OM's parents.

Keep the pressure on him.
Trust me.

When I was in the middle of my affair, my BH threatened to call OM's mom -- and I was in a complete PANIC! OM would have bitched me out to no end! Not to mention that it would have completely diminished me in her eyes.

Thank you Lexxxy, that is my plan.

SW

From the articles section at the top banner of the page.

What is Plan A and Plan B


Being blown about by the wind in whatever direction it happens to be blowing is no plan at all.

Plan A is knowing she is is full A. You do plan A fully knowing she is seeing OM.

You behave the way (kind/respectful/loving) you do in spite of full knowledge of the facts.

It is painful and draining. You have to keep your feelings and emotions in constant check.

nESRE

I'm not ruling this out, but it a fine line I'm walking right now between what appears to be a successful exposure and appearing like an obsessive maniac, hell bent on destroying his wife. That could very well backfire on me and I could lose the support I already have.

If I had his parents from FB, I would have included them this past weekend along with the rest, but unfortunately I didn't.

nesre, I agree and this is my plan. Just letting the dust settle a little bit so I can get a read on the damage I have to work with.

You are still thinking country wide and you need to think Global.

First off please stop looking at exposure as if you are doing anything wrong. You are speaking the truth and shining light on the cockroaches.

SW every single poster on here has stated to you, "GET the OM out of the picture and GET your wife back!!!"

You aren't looking at her as the fogged out drug addict. She isn't your wife. REPEAT THIS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. She is high on chemicals and they are identical to her being high on crack.

She is a crack addict - would you do everything in your power to get her clean and sober??????

If yes, then get the POSOM out of her life and only then can you save her life. You are thinking as if she is thinking rationally and she isn't because she is HIGH AS A KITE!!!!

Get the letter from the lawyer, make an Angie's list complaint, better business complaint, advertiser complaint, find out his customers and make more complaints. Make the POSOM's life Hell and he will go away.

The only people who will think you are crazy are the ones who think adultery is fine and dandy.

ADULTERY ranks as high as murder and thievery --- SAVE YOUR WIFE TODAY.

In the meantime - kill that woman with kindness, love, respect, and patience.

You Plan A like a rock star and never ever show her a bad side of you.

You can win this war - read Indie's Art of War thread. I will bump it for you.

THIS IS WAR SOLDIER --- ARE YOU READY TO GO IN WITH FULL GUNS DRAWN?

SW, I agree with Lexxxy. I don't think that you did anything too badly by missing VDay.

Now, VDay is over, so Plan A time it is.

"Wow, harsh words TR. I hope you're only 2x4ing me to get me motivated, otherwise you need to slow down a bit."

Ain't slownin' done for no icebergs, nothin',damn the torepdos and full speed ahead.

"Look, you guys have said this is marathon, not a race. You're treating this as a race. I only big time exposed my wife 2.5 days ago."

Yet you refuse to hire a PI to find OM parents.

"Let me ask a simple question: what makes you think that after the hopefully successful trouncing that WW got over the weekend which is still reverberating, the anger she spewed at me last night, and the anger that MIL threw my way (and trust me, the smack that MIL is throwing my way is not to be taken lightly) that either one of them would give one iota of a hummingbird's sh*t about me?"

If you believe that then don't bother to plan A anymore.

"Right now they are so angry that I've exposed WW that no amount of goodwill will ever be held in any regard for any length of time in my honor. I don't know why you can't at least entertain the thought that this could be how she would react."

This is why plan A has to be done consistant for 6 months at every opportunity. You by your actions is to let every opportunity to slip through your grasp.

"You only know what I've been able to describe of my wife through this forum, which is no one's fault. I know her, and I know that she would see this as either an attempt to 'seek some form of forgiveness from her because I feel bad', or they will laugh in my face because what idiot would expose his wife, then turn around and give her flowers and invite her to dinner on Valentine's Day?"

If a WW could be enticed to end the affair with one day of plan A don't you think Dr H would say to only plan A for one day?

"Last week I had planned to send WW a really simple, yet unique Valentines Day gift. That was intended to be a Plan A gesture. But then I saw the ring last Thursday, her blatant disregard for my feelings by wearing it in front of me and DD, and jerk0ff putting up a FB profile of him and my wife....well, a man can only take so much. Gloves went off and she got the exposure treatment. So I blew a Plan A chance, big deal. I gained much more by exposing and I found my balls in the process. Whether it begins to crumble the A and makes her think, only time will tell. Me showing any gestures of affection immediately after exposure would be akin to Truman apologizing to Japan right after dropping the bomb."

Ring, sming, wing, you ding bat, WW and OM are rutting like rabbits and you cry about promise rings. Unbelieveable.

I guess you will never plan A WW because WW is going to continue her affair. Again stop trying to end the affair and recover the marriage because you only want to plan A if you are allowed to keep score.

Okay, (and I KNOW I'm gonna regret this post) after thinking about this a while I had a somewhat sinister idea that I would like some opinions on.

Oh, this is SO completely hypothetical, okay? Just to spark some thoughts maybe to help SW. Don't beat me up too much or take this too seriously! I am NOT advocating this as advice or a course of action.

Let's say I'm SW. I buy some roses addressed for WW from me AND the kids, and cards for kids to wish her Happy Vday in their writing. Then drive the kids to my WW's place of employment for them to deliver our family VDay presents personally, late in the day preferably. Timing would give my WW little chance for much explanation at work, but probably completely wreck her "romantic" night with OM.

I know it could easily (and more than likely probably) be construed as using the kids to manipulate the sitch, but my little weird mind, when kick started by infidelity, can work in wickedly mysterious ways sometimes.

I know...VERY bad idea. But how could you modify this thought process to somehow be productive in the future?

No. You avoided a chance to be in Plan Doormat. Good job. Don't second-guess yourself on that one. Good job exposing, Still.

SW, you are expending way to much energy defending your position on why you don't do this and don't do that and WAY too little listening and implementing the methods of Dr. Harley.

Yep, TheRoad is being very tough on you. Hell, so have I. So have a lot of others here. But have you noticed something else lately? The responders to your thread and sitch have diminished exponentially as of late. You know why? Because you are NOT listening and NOT following a proven path for the best chance to save YOUR marriage. This place is all about the concepts of MB. Nothing else! Period!

I can't even recall how many times that I, Road, and Lord only knows how many others have told you to attack this POS that has YOUR wife on Valentines Day. You've done a great job on your wife's exposure. Now finish the job. Road and I are still here. But we don't have to be.

Have I mentioned lately how impressed I am with your posts, TigerWes? No? Well, I am. Now, don't go getting all diva on us!

Keep up the good work!

end t/j

Yes many of the big gun ships have set sail and left you with the likes of me. I'm getting worn out too.

Just for the inquisitive mind mb, how might that be construed as plan doormat?

And as I was asking for you to expound on something, you offer kind words to me. I thank you for those words. I feel blessed to have found this place.

And if he keeps up this course of action, he'll be left with nothing but an MB noob. Me.

I can certainly walk away saying I gave it my best shot though. But we can't do it for him.

SW - this is your own fog, and it has some waywardness in it.

I have seen on this forum and am currently experiencing it with my own WH, so this is why I can advise you.

First: WW is HIGH AS A KITE ON Phenylethylamine (PEA), (READ THIS NARCISSISM VERSION AND IT WILL MAKE SENSE).

PEA makes the brain psychotic and fogged out. It mimics a crack addict. The PEA stays fogged out for at least 2 years (Dr. Harley's fact). PEA will reduce if and only if the "Cause=Adultery partner" is removed, and this includes all triggers ... pictures, facebook, phone, text, memories, etc.

Second: Your wife is bathing in a cesspot of PEA at the moment. She only has love for this man. She is mimicking the exact same thing as when you two both dated. Remember this courting usually only lasts up to 2 years.

Now - the only way to save your marriage is to remove the cause of her PEA - OM!!!!

Yes, Plan A is my plan going forward.

Hang in there SW...the MB way isn't natural to most, but Dr Harley has gotten the most success at saving marriages this way compared to traditional marriage counselors who have an 85% failure rate. You may not save your marriage, but you will come out a better man and father. You just don't see it yet. If you need anything, I won't yell at you or threaten to stop helping you. I was taught to never leave a man behind.

You have to make the final decision in your marriage and live with what you've done. Either way, it's going to be hard and it's going to hurt. If you go to church, remember that we're taught to be humble and to love and to forgive. If you live that way and stay proactive, you will be able to stand tall. You can't Plan A and LB when you get frustrated. Stay calm and walk away if you get angry or hurt. Be methodical.