CV,

It really wasn't the thought about WxW and what she was doing. The frustration and hurt came as a result of, IMHO, blatant disrespect.

I'm just saying there were tons of other nice restaurants the inlaws could have taken DD other than where I work. I felt like I had been slapped in the face.

It most likely WAS done on purpose. And that is deplorable. No wonder she had no problem with her daughter "dating" while still married(it's called ADULTERY).

Scottie's probably right, but there really is no way to be sure, and focusing on it never really helps. What you need right now is forward thinking... Forward thinking.... Forward thinking.....

A plan.

CV, he has a plan, and that is PLan B. When you are so far into PLan B, anything can set you off. It's scary when those feelings come up, and for a seemingly small thing. I was just coming from a place of understanding where those feelings came from.

I don't suggest that Mark dwell on it, just accept that it WAS done intentionally, but also to look at what caliber it came from and understand that he needs to stand even taller for his DD.

I think he handled it quite well.

Be proud of that Mark.

Scotty, yes, I believe it was done intentionally and that is what bothered me. This happened about 7pm (that's when I first heard DD yell my name). Because of the wait, they were there until almost 9:30. DD, who's 8, has a bedtime of 8:30.

I told my pastor about it today and he followed your sentiments exactly. He said they knew you worked there, and if they were in fact occupying DD for a while so WxW could do her thing, they should've been considerate enough to not take her to your job.

Its over now, though. The smoke is beginning to clear and Im already starting to see clearly again.

As it should be in a good Plan B. Stay focused, and move forward. Good on ya.

not trying to defend your in laws but my husband is a server and the kids love going to his restaurant. perhaps your daughter suggested it so she could see you on valentine's day?

cv's post is amazing. it's time to look forward. these people are not your allies but they might not be as big of an enemy as you think either. certainly, you can choose not to see them as enemies at some point when your more healed.

just food for thought.

I understand what you're saying about forward thinking . I do. But you make it seem as if I haven't been. I have been doing great for many months. I haven't been concerned with anything other than my daughter and me. I've been enjoying life and I've had no bad days for a long, long time.

And the inlaws not being enemies? What else can I see them as? They have enabled my wife's behavior, they have helped her do her dirt, they did nothing to help our family, they even said what was being done was okay. His else can I see them?

And I don't believe for one minute the "DD suggested it" theory. If that were the case, DD would have most definitely told because that's how she is. I talked to her several times during the course of their meal and nothing. She's actually with me now and still not a word about that. I won't ask, though.

And I'd like to comment about not being called to be a husband part...

While yes, I have grounds to divorce, it was not and never has been Gods desire. I have taken a stand to simply wait on God to resurrect my marriage and that is part of the difficulty. It is never easy to simply wait. Biblically speaking, I AM called still a husband. Death is the only thing that ends marriage, not court documents. If it were not so, a divorce would not be considered an adulterer still if the marriage was over.

Is it an unpopular view? Yes! Is it an accurate view based on Scripture? Yes!

I'm doing okay today, btw. Going to drop DD off at school, go workout, then get cleaned up to watch her presentation at school...

Well, I wanted to make you all aware of something I'm not sure I've even shared. Maybe I have but here it goes.

Yesterday, during my talk with the pastor, I was asked the question "How long do you plan on waiting for WxW to wake up with the hope of restoring your marriage?".

My initial answer to him was IDK. The truth of the matter is I do know and I called him back and told him the truth today. Dr. Harley suggests BS's wait a period of 2 yrs post d-day. I intend to "stand" for my marriage FOREVER.

So the truth is out. Am I crazy? Only if you think so. In a world where it would be so easy to just go and find someone else, I've made the choice to simply wait on God.

This is not a decision I just made. It was made long before our d was final and I committed to it. Are there any guarantees that my marriage will be resurrected? Absolutely not? But I'm not guaranteed to wake-up tomorrow , either.

You are not wrong to want to wait based on where you are today.

Thing is time may change you. That may change your decision to wait. And that will not be wrong.

So I support your decision to wait. And will support your decision whatever it may be years from now.

You have no children if I remember right?

Are you prepared to give up the gift of being able to be a dad forever?

We have an 8 yr old daughter which actually has aided my decision to wait. Not only am I doing what I feel God wants me to do but the family is also what's best for her. As far as changing, the decision was made almost a yr ago. There have definitely been some things that have tempted me to change my mind but I'm still committed.

We have an 8 yr old daughter which actually has aided my decision to wait. Not only am I doing what I feel God wants me to do but the family is also what's best for her. As far as changing, the decision was made almost a yr ago. There have definitely been some things that have tempted me to change my mind but I'm still committed.

Mark, you are someone I admire. Of course, there is absolutely no shortage of people worthy of admiration and respect on this board, but I mean it.

You obviously still love and adore your wife (not gonna say ex because in your heart and mind she's not) very much. I understand where you are coming from. I've been there...right where you are now. The reason I wound up on this forum was a personal quest to make myself a better person so that this didn't happen to me again. VERY thankful I landed here. Conversely, VERY sorry to see so much heartbreak out there. Sigh...

You change your mind when you are ready. You change your commitment to your wife when you are ready. There's no scripted time frame. The only thing that matters is that when the dust has settled, you can look (with conviction) in the mirror and into the eyes of your beautiful daughter and say; "I tried and did my best".

TW, thanks for the kind words. I will admit that I didn't make the statement looking for any awards or high-fives, so to speak. I made the statement because its a part of my story and so many here have followed in one way or another. I just felt I should tell it. BUT I really am humbled by being admired by someone. I'm no one special. I am just convinced that it is what I should do and more importantly what God wants me to do.

When I spoke of temptations, they were nothing more than opportunities for a meaningless fling with no substance. None of the women would have been someone with whom I'd want to develop a relationship with.

Believe me, the thoughts of having to spend the next 5, 10, 20, or 30 years simply "waiting" have made the decision even harder. But I guess that's simply a chance I'm willing to take.

As do many BS's here, yes, I still love my wife dearly. And no, in my heart, she is not now and never will be considered my exwife. I use the WxW moniker here to clarify our relationship in terms of this forum. But she is still my wife. No, she doesn't deserve my love still. No, she doesn't deserve my continued acknowledgements or my commitment to her. But my real and true motivation has never been her. Its been wanting to exhibit and exemplify Gods love for me. Even when I don't deserve it, he loves me anyhow.

Will I ever get to actually prove that what I say is real? Who knows.

I'll just jump in to say

You are exactly where you should be at this juncture Mark.

Reading,

Care to elaborate?

What I see is a recovered man that has become stronger. You went through the storm and survived. Maybe not the way you wanted to come out, but you have grown into somebody better with the tools and knowledge to help others.

I will elaborate.

Your D day was Nov 2010.

You are divorced but would be in the same place if you had not divorced.

You are in love with your wife and at the juncture you would be at

no matter what

You are working your journey and it is exactly where any decent person would be at this point.

Completely agree. It's sad, but also inspiring, how much good can come from so much bad.

Unfortunately I fear I'm heading in the same direction. The good news is I'll be a better person in the end.