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I've been going to start this thread but have been too lazy to do it. lol I will add to my list when you peeps give me some ideas. lol

Likes:

1. Queen of remote for once in my life.
2. Financially secure (don't have to worry about anyone screwing that up for me)
3. Don't have to consider anyone but myself when making decisions
4. Don't have to cook if I don't want to.
5. Don't have to clean if I don't want to. (Sidenote: I like a clean house but some days you just don't feel it you know?)
6. No relationship drama.
7. Love my time at home alone when the kids are with the ex.
8. No in-laws dance2

Dislikes:

1. We live in a relationship society and there is pressure to have a man in your life. I HATE that. I'm still working on contentment and happiness in my single state.
2. No one to share things with. Not that I had that with my ex, but it would be nice to have it with someone you know?
3. Being alone in public.


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
Joined: Feb 2011
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i have a bunch of dislikes lol

hate being lonely
enjoy my kids, but didnt sign up for being a single dad. But i will do it and be the best at it.
dont like the brand of being divorced.
dont like the fact that my WxW is still in the same town with POSOM and they flaunt themselves all over.
dont like going out by myself
I think this list could be endless!

Likes
like being in control of my finances
like not worrying about pleasing a materialistic wife
like the no drama in the house right now
like the very little freedom i have gained (hard with the kids to have a lot)


Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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I like:
Being independent, making my own decisions
My holidays I can focus on my kids
I can cook...or not, and leftovers are there the next day
I don't have to learn a man's idiosyncrasies, likes, dislikes, etc.
I can go to sleep when I want
I can watch what I want on tv
I can wear comfortable clothes instead of having to worry about how I look all of the time
I can have my house the way I want it
No one to tell me I can't have my pets or get heavy handed with them.
No one trying to control me
No one to ruin me financially (still suffering from my ex that way)

What I dislike:
Sometimes being lonely
Everything falling on my shoulders
Not having that special someone to talk over the day with
No one to notice or care if I make it home at night
No one to hold me
Having someone to do things for (I enjoy bringing someone a good cup of coffee or special meal)
There's no one to watch the dog if I go away for a couple of days.
Face it, there's no one to move the refrigerator so I can clean the coils!


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Likes:
sleeping in on the weekends
scheduling on my time
More time available to devote getting to know God

Dislikes:
No sex or affection
sleeping, waking, laughing alone
noone to rub my feet with. lol


No longer a Wayward (and don't have to live with that hanging over my head too, because I am forgiven)! Living a new way of life by consistant practice of MB principles in my own life.
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Likes:
No more dealing with angry demands
No more being unfairly critictized
No covers being pulled off me
The kids don't get to see fighting

Dislikes:
Lonely at times especially around Valentines Day.
Kids don't spend as much time with their dad.
Dining by myself


Me: 44YO FWW: EA IN 2005-2007 EXPOSED MYSELF IN 2006 NC SINCE 2007 WAS MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS
HIM: 47YO EX WH: PA WHILE DATING, CALLING PROSTITUTES WHILE MARRIED, PROBLEMS WITH PORN(CONFESSED ALL THIS IN 2006 WHILE ARGUING)SEX ADDICT
DSX3:13,14, & 15
DDX2: 18 & 11
SEPERATED IN 2007, DIVORCE FINAL 2009. EX WH REMARRIES IN SEPT 2010. I WILL NOT MARRY AGAIN UNLESS THE MAN IS OPEN TO MB CONCEPTS.
LEARNING FROM MY PAST MISTAKES & LOVING MY KIDS
Joined: Jan 2005
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Likes:
1. Independance
2. Spending more time on my bike
3. Kicking back in the evenings with a cold beer and relaxing.
4. Freedom of doing what I want to do when I want.
5. Not being with someone that obviously never loved me.

Dislikes:
1. Lack of companionship.
2. Falling asleep without someone cuddled up next to me.
3. Not having conversations with a woman that I am attracted to. I get tired of talking to my buddies smile
4. When the kids are with their Mom, I don't like dining alone. (I have never gotten used to that one.)

Joined: Jul 2001
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Can I play? Mine are different this time around, probably because the person I lost is different.

Likes:
Control of the remote (trust me, I never got control of that)
Being able to spend money without discussing it
Getting rid of one or two ugly pieces of furniture.

Dislikes:
I miss our physical relationship
I have to do everything (when I divorced H1, this was not an issue since I did it all anyway!)
I miss laughing with him at ourselves and each other.
The rhythm of my life is off. I can't quite get it back. It's been three plus years. The first doesn't count since I was dazed and confused. But, I'm living the new normal, and the rhythm isn't right yet.


Wow. It occurs to me that my dislikes are almost completely tied to the loss of a particular person. It would not have been that way with H1. I wonder if I really dislike being single or if I just dislike not having Mike in my life??? Hmm. I've got to ponder and pray on that.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Likes:

Going to bed early without having to ask him to turn down the TV so I can sleep.
Not having to tip toe around in the dark when I get up (super early).
Not having to smell his stinky cigars.
Not having to pick up after him. It was like having 3 kids instead of 2.
Not having to cook for him. He never once cooked a meal for the two of us.
Not having to listen to him drone on and on and on about the same topic, saying the same things that I'd already heard a million times.
I don't have to worry or think about someone else's expectations of me. That's a biggie.


Dislikes:
I have to raise my children alone. He lives hundreds of miles away. I don't get any time to myself because of it.
Children don't get to see him (except on Skype) and I hate them not having their Dad in their lives.


BW (me) - 57
XWH-54
2DSs- 16 and 17
Married 16 years
D-Day - 8/21/09
XWH moved out 10-9-09
Divorce Finalized 11-19-10
XWH moved 4 states away (on 11/22/10) to live with OW.
XWH married OW 1-15-11
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 387
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From someone still stuck in a slow recovery.....


Was divorce worth it?


Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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So sorry tex that recovery is taking a long time, and I hope your situation turns around. Have you read the article "When to call it Quits". As for divorce, it is hard and very rarely worth it. As you know many who didn't recover their marriages recovered themselves personally. Hopefully you can come up with a plan that will give you peace either way.


Me: 44YO FWW: EA IN 2005-2007 EXPOSED MYSELF IN 2006 NC SINCE 2007 WAS MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS
HIM: 47YO EX WH: PA WHILE DATING, CALLING PROSTITUTES WHILE MARRIED, PROBLEMS WITH PORN(CONFESSED ALL THIS IN 2006 WHILE ARGUING)SEX ADDICT
DSX3:13,14, & 15
DDX2: 18 & 11
SEPERATED IN 2007, DIVORCE FINAL 2009. EX WH REMARRIES IN SEPT 2010. I WILL NOT MARRY AGAIN UNLESS THE MAN IS OPEN TO MB CONCEPTS.
LEARNING FROM MY PAST MISTAKES & LOVING MY KIDS
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Originally Posted By: TexasTwoStep

Was divorce worth it?


It was for me. My XH was emotionally abusive to me and the children, and I believe him to be mentally ill. We are better off without him.


Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
Joined: May 2009
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Originally Posted By: TexasTwoStep
From someone still stuck in a slow recovery.....


Was divorce worth it?


Worth it? Well, it wouldn't have been my choice. My choice would have been for my ds to have his FOO in tact. To have my WXH NOT be a seriel cheater. By the time I decided to divorce there was so much damage I knew I would never take him back.

I don't think HE thought it would go down like it did. He deluded himself into thinking that since I was a SAHM and wanted to continue homeschooling our son that I would take anything he dished out. Even now when he drops off ds I catch him looking at me and my house with a deer in the headlight look as if he is thinking, 'what the heck happened here!' Especially when he sees my dh. wink

Oh, sorry, got off track....yes it was worth it. I really had no choice, and believe me life DOES go on.

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Originally Posted By: TexasTwoStep
From someone still stuck in a slow recovery.....


Was divorce worth it?

Worth it compared to a slow recovery?

My marriage had zero chance of recovery when viewed in retrospect.

At first, I wanted to recover the marriage more than I wanted it to end. But now, two years plus post-Dday, I can honestly say I'm better off than had I stayed in a "slow recovery."

Life changes in unpredictable ways. How we respond to it is the measure of our faith and confidence in our Higher Power.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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"Life changes in unpredictable ways. How we respond to it is the measure of our faith and confidence in our Higher Power."

Very true. Words to meditate on.

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Originally Posted By: HDW
"Life changes in unpredictable ways. How we respond to it is the measure of our faith and confidence in our Higher Power."

Very true. Words to meditate on.


Yes, and this post goes along with something a friend said to me one time recently. She said sometimes when are trying to make a decision there is no absolute RIGHT or absolute WRONG decision. Sometimes we just have to make A decision and go forward with it and ask God to bless our efforts for the best outcome.

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Originally Posted By: Kirby
Originally Posted By: TexasTwoStep

Was divorce worth it?


It was for me. My XH was emotionally abusive to me and the children, and I believe him to be mentally ill. We are better off without him.


This. My ex was the same way plus he had EA's and at least one PA as well as he lied about everything. I could tell horror stories or write a book. :-) I am in a better place because he is no longer in my life except where the kids are concerned. I laugh more than I have in years. I look at him and think - he's someone else's problem now. I wouldn't take him back if he was the last person left on this earth. I'm still in the healing process and I have a long way to go, but it was TOTALLY worth it for me. Had I stayed in my marriage, I'm pretty sure I would have ended up in the mental ward.


Me (BS): 41
Ex (lying cheating piece of dirt): 43
Kids: 12 DD, 6 DS
Married 17 years
I filed: 9/25/10
Divorce final: 10/4/11
He remarried: 10/15/11

My current status: Healing a little more every day!
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
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"Was divorce worth it?"

Well my husband lured me into a marriage with false pretenses...let me think we'd have a normal marriage but then moved back where he came from immediately (3 1/2 hours away). He led a double life, cheated on me, all while coming home on weekends and pretending all was okay. When I caught him cheating, he feigned change and caring, very shortlived, and then started cheating again. By the time I realized what was what, he'd stuck me with all of his debts, quit his job, and went into hiding with his GF in our motorhome.

Was the divorce worth it? There really was no choice. BTW, a few months later he said, "Well you didn't have to go and get a divorce!" Really? Wow.


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Definitely worth it. But, then my ex refused to make any changes needed. He thought everything was fine while I was going to counseling alone for almost two years.

I think there are a lot of factors that going into making a long recovery worth it, if we define worth it as being happily married. From what I've seen these play into success...

1. Having had a good relationship with your spouse at some point in the past that was more than physical lust or infatuation.

2. Common goals and values

3. Both spouses are putting all their energy into the relationship.

4. You still trust your spouse in at least one area, be it finances, opposite sex, children, something.

5. There is respect between the two of you, even if you have done things the other doesn't respect.

6. There is no abuse, no addiction, and no mental illness.

7. Your family,especially children, and friends want you to succeed. (Yes, there are cases where the children are NOT rooting for the marriage, usually in cases of abuse.)

Obviously, you may lack all of the above and end up happily married. Equally obviously, I'm not a professional.

In the end, we all have to weigh the likelihood of ever being happy with person. The more data you have, (ie time together, experience), the better the decision you can make.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
Joined: Oct 2009
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Originally Posted By: TexasTwoStep
From someone still stuck in a slow recovery.....
Was divorce worth it?


TTS, 4 words have inspired quite the outpouring. I have been thinking of this post since I saw it a few days ago. You've been offered a lot of insight above and I certainly have little to add. I particularly like Gg's list as I believe it's accurate.

I would say that there is no situation with greater potential than that which involves the parent of your children.

You ask if Divorce is worth it. But divorce is easy. You just have a lawyer draw up papers and sign them, divide assets and go in front of a judge to have it approved. Sounds complicated but really it just takes some time (and a lot of mental anguish, fighting for your rights, indecision, and soul-searching, etc., but it's still relatively easy). In the end you wind up with pretty much nothing except a chance to start over without the other parent of you kids. And I mean start over -- financially, emotionally, socially. In many ways at a disadvantage, though, like you're behind the eight ball.

I think the more pertinent question is
"is recovery worth the hard work, pain, and struggle?"

opt


Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01)
Divorce from WW final 9/16/10.
Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10)
Mine: S(16), D(11)
NatureGirls: S(23), D(21)
Another EA Story
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"is recovery worth the work?"

I'd say it is if both people are willing to put forth the effort and do what is needed. It takes one person to break a marriage but two to make it work. Usually both are involved in that breakdown to some extent, but not always.


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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