well to give a quick summary, two years ago I struck up a friendship will a younger female on an on-line game that I play. My marriage had been having problems, that I know the solution to now,but couldn't get past then. The female offered her cell number if I wanted to ever wanted to talk. I eventually called her, but what started out as a friendship evolved into something that I really didn't want. Problem is I enjoyed having a younger woman persueing me and didn't take steps to stop it. She lived 1400 miles away and I wasn't going to leave my wife for her. My wife found a text message from her on my phone and was devastated. I severed communications with the female and have been trying to save my marriage. My wife still has fears that it could be happening again or could happen again. My wife has all passwords for e-mail,skype, on-line games, facebook and anything else on-line related and I have told her that anytime she has doubts get on and check because I have nothing to hide. My wife won't do it but still has the doubts, so I am at a loss as to what I else I can do on my end. Any advice would be greatly appriciated.

Welcome Revive,

read on extraordinary precautions. It's a great start.

Tell us what it (the relationship) evolved into. Did you meet this person?

How many kids do you have?

How long have you been married?

CV

Staying off the computer would be a good first step. That way she is not worried and you won't be tempted. In order to recover, it is critical that you change the environment that led to the affair.

Have you given your wife all the details about your affair? Who was this girl? Is she married?

Does the OW have your email address and phone #? If so, you might want to change address and phone # so she can't get through. You will need to take steps to prevent any repeat contact.

Reading the beinging of your post for a second I thought it was my husband writing it. Kudos to you for giving her all the infomation regarding passwords etc.

I agree with the MelodyLane...change any infomation that the OW has so that she can't contact you anymore. My Dday was back in September of last year and just this week my husband OW starting trying to contact him again. It can really set you back when you have come so far.

Good luck to you!

In addition to what has previously been said - the thing you need to understand is that it is going to take making your marriage better than it's ever been to overcome the negative feelings your wife now has.

I think you are going to have to find a new hobby, for one. Online games will be a trigger for your wife. You need to find recreational activities that the two of you do TOGETHER.

How far are you willing to go to save your marriage? Are you willing to commit to a recovery plan? So often people will do so much - til the storm passes - but then not really change anything, fundamentally. It is IMPERATIVE that you make real, basic changes in your marriage.

You obviously found your way here - to Marriage Builders. Are you willing to work the program? I tell ya: it makes so much sense - my husband and I are very happy these days, and committed to remaining so! We both wish we would've known these tools YEARS ago.

Sorry you have a need to be here, but believe me when I say that you have landed on the right website (and message board) to fix this mess you created.

Sounds like you have taken some great steps so far, but you have a long way to go to fully restore your wife's belief and faith in you. You've hurt her pretty terribly. You let her down in the worst way possible. Don't for one second delude yourself into thinking that this can be repaired overnight.

But it can be repaired.

Devour this website, and I would strongly encourage you to get your BW to as well. This can be part of the healing process, while at the same time may serve to re-establish all that UA time that was apparently missing in your marriage that led to you seeking attention from someone else. I would also encourage her to get her own username and start her own thread. There are a LOT of very experienced and very wise people here that can help you guys repair this. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them...sigh. But they are here. Listen to what they say and don't fight it. Implement.

Now, getting back to the steps you have taken so far. Definitely change that cell number if OW has it. Don't make excuses as to why you won't if she does have it. That dog won't hunt on this board. Email address? Ditto! If you want to make a good will gesture (and I would highly suggest doing this), offer to install a keylogger on your computer and spyware on your phone that forwards all your activity to an email address of her choosing. If you need help finding such products, just ask and we'll point you in the right direction.

I do have one question though in regards to this....

Obviously she suspected something, otherwise she wouldn't have checked your phone without your knowledge. Now that she knows something is going on, she doesn't want to check up on you even with your blessing?

This just doesn't compute. Well, at least to me it doesn't. I've already admitted I'm not of the wise ones on the board.

TigerWes,
I may be wrong but his wife may have a fear of snooping (although its not snooping with his consent). She found something previously that devastated her and may be simply trying to protect herself. IDK...just a thought.