I have begged him to come home and this has been going on about a year, him gone, and now the only way I know I am married is the bills that come with our names on them. Also things are beginning to be missing, I didn't notice it at first, but the other day I did, and now I am not sure what is gone, you know, you have things there in a closet and then it looks like less.

He had a secret affair, well, the word affair describes it, of course it would not be known. And when I found out all the sudden he went from who I knew him as to very angry at me and he has been that way ever since. Then he moved in with the homewrecker. He said I am too much drama "they" don't like drama. I never heard this word drama until this all happened.

I have read that you should stop all communication, he has done this, I am not sure if he knows about sites like this from this homewrecker. I found out she has been divorced so maybe she knows what to do or something.

I don't have a clue I got married thinking we would stay married until we died. Is me having him all silent count as me not talking to him, is it considered anything good for me, when do you know when to give up?

We had a normal marriage I thought I didn't know he had this alter person in him. Once a person does all this, it is impossible to fix the marriage isn't it? Really just say it if it is, I have been trying everything I did in our marriage and he is really mean, or was, I don't know what he is now.

Also my family has said well it takes two you did something then. I didn't even know we had a problemed marriage. It didn't take two, well two but I wasn't one of them, for the affair.

We were religious, it says in the bible it is up to me to file, I am the harmed party. Only I love him. I am still religious but I am not sure about anything now since I have prayed a great deal about this and our marriage is like this with all my praying and begging him to please see I love him.

How long married? Any children? Who is this OW? Where did he meet her?

We have been married 17 years and have a daughter who is 12.
My parents were divorced and I was leery of starting a family I didn't want a bad marriage.

I don't know anything other than she works with him, he told me that. I don't have a job she has a job. He wanted me to stay home I wasn't working when I got pregnant and we decided I would stay home.

Now he says she has a job and it is like the life we could have had.

I told everyone when I found out, and that is when he moved.

Who did you tell and what did you tell them? What was their reaction?

I called his work, apparently his supervisor talked to him, then he said all his co workers would not talk to him.

I called all of the family members on both sides. My family was so mad a few called him and he hung up on them and hasn't talked to them since. His family, the ones who were upset did not call him and several who had affairs supported him.

I see on her fb page a lot of friends with families and their favorite book is the bible, but he has been over there a year now, can't she sue me or something if I send things out now? Although it would be sweet to tell them all this. Only he has been there and who knows what he told them all.

The evidence I have phone records and the notes I found I was so upset I shredded them. I have been so upset and spending all my focus on telling him I love him and it almost seems like a joke to say it now, I do but I sound like a broken record to me.

Can I be sued by her for sending this to all her contacts?

I should chance it maybe, it can't be much worse. Just read the trickle effect, so can't do, the part of them coming after you and his anger now.

Of course not. It is not against the law to tell truth. I would read the thread in my signature and follow the advice there. Let them know that your husband is very married and left to pursue his adultery with the OW. There is a template letter in that thread.

I would also do a better exposure at the workplace. Follow the instructions in my thread.

I would do that and then plan on going into Plan B. GEt the book Surviving an Affair and it tells you about Plan B. It is a completely dark separation where you don't speak to or see him. You would change the locks on your home so he can't come in. It is started with a loveletter telling him that he must meet your conditions to come back.

Read these links: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

and this: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

I would do a really thorough facebook exposure on HER and to the workplace and then go into Plan B. Are there any other family members who haven't been told about the affair? If so, I would tell them.

Do you know if the OW is married too?

She is divorced.

Won't this make him not want to come back even more? If he doesn't come back letting her friends know what she did to my marriage and him would be good, for some sort of justification.

Will read those things you posted.

Well, he doesn't want to come back now. And that is because of his affair. But if you cause conflict in his affair he will be more likely to come back. You have to do everything in your power to DAMAGE the affair and exposure is the most damaging thing you can do. If the affair is damaged, then your marriage has a greater chance of recovery.

Do you know for a fact she is divorced? Was she divorced because of her affair?

He said she was divorced, I have driven by there a lot, our car and hers are the only ones ever there. I did one of those things you pay for online and it said she was the only owner of the property and it said she was divorced. The thing I paid for didn't show she had any family at all which I found odd.

That is why I thought when I read about the not contacting him it seemed weird it is like he did it to me like I think he heard it from her.

This letter to them all, you think I should put my phone number? I am already exposing myself and this is so humilitating that is such a good idea of our family picture I am looking for one now. I was only going to have my picture.

Does she have a facebook page? And yes, you should put your phone # in it and/or your email address. See if you can ID her parents.

If you DON'T expose this, you are enabling the affair. Get the word out and get this nasty affair exposed to the light of day.

heleftme, don't take anything your husband says as truth right now.

Where did you go online to find out about OW?

Edit to add: I would suggest that you notify the moderators to have your thread moved to the Surviving an Affair forum.